Who is online?
In total there are 5 users online :: 0 Registered, 0 Hidden and 5 Guests :: 2 Bots

None

[ View the whole list ]


Most users ever online was 115 on Wed 03 Jul 2019, 3:20 pm
Latest topics
» servant @ TWO LISTENERS
Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 22 EmptyYesterday at 11:10 pm by Admin

» PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP
Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 22 EmptyYesterday at 11:02 pm by Admin

» Delrifkah: HEBREW SAGE MIGHT SAY.
Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 22 EmptyYesterday at 10:57 pm by Admin

» R.D SOUZA Saved by faith
Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 22 EmptyYesterday at 10:51 pm by Admin

» NUGGET Today's Devotional
Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 22 EmptyYesterday at 10:47 pm by Admin

» ISRAEL BREAKING NEWS
Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 22 EmptyYesterday at 10:40 pm by Admin

» My Manna
Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 22 EmptyYesterday at 9:18 pm by Admin

» OBAMA AGAIN
Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 22 EmptyYesterday at 9:17 pm by Admin

» School convinces daughter she’s a ‘boy’
Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 22 EmptyYesterday at 9:11 pm by Admin

» STABBINGS and MURDERS
Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 22 EmptyYesterday at 5:03 pm by Admin

» CONTROVERSIAL TOPIC
Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 22 EmptyYesterday at 4:44 pm by Admin

»  Goebbels Big Lie to Defame Geller
Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 22 EmptyYesterday at 4:39 pm by Admin

» Bill & Hillary Clinton
Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 22 EmptyYesterday at 3:52 pm by Admin

»  Report: Jeffrey Epstein told fellow inmates he feared for his life
Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 22 EmptyYesterday at 3:47 pm by Admin

»  The Heart-Rending Cry-Tisha B'Av
Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 22 EmptyYesterday at 3:29 pm by Admin

» BIBLE STUDY on VERSE
Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 22 EmptyYesterday at 11:37 am by Admin

» Daily Disciples
Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 22 EmptyYesterday at 11:32 am by Admin

» WAR DRUMS
Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 22 EmptyYesterday at 10:32 am by Admin

» Rep. Ilhan Omar AOC SQUAD must go: READ MORE
Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 22 EmptyYesterday at 10:19 am by Admin

» BIRTH PANGS – Series of Powerful Earthquakes Volcano's Strike Around the Globe
Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 22 EmptyYesterday at 10:12 am by Admin

Navigation
 Portal
 Index
 Memberlist
 Profile
 FAQ
 Search

Share your Jokes smiles here

Page 22 of 22 Previous  1 ... 12 ... 20, 21, 22

Go down

Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 22 Empty Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Tue 24 May 2011, 9:06 am

CHUCKLE
A woman gets pulled over by a police officer and....
Woman: "Is there a problem, Officer?"
Officer: "Ma'am, you were speeding."
Woman: "Oh, I see."
Officer: "Can I see your license please?"
Woman: "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."
Officer: "Don't have one?"
Woman: "Lost it 4 times for drunk driving."
Officer: "I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please."
Woman: "I can't do that."
Officer: "Why not?"
Woman: "I stole this car."
Officer: "Stole it?"
Woman: "Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner."
Officer: "You what?"
Woman: "His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see."
The officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: "Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!"
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Woman: "Is there a problem, sir?"
Officer 2: "One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."
Woman: "Murdered the owner?"
Officer 2: "Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please. "
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: "Is this your car, ma'am?"
Woman: "Yes, here are the registration papers."
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driver's license."
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: "Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner."
Woman: "Bet he told you I was speeding too. Suspect
Admin
Admin
Admin

Posts : 59541
Join date : 2008-10-25
Age : 74
Location : Wales UK

View user profile http://worldwidechristians.forumotion.com

Back to top Go down

Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 22 Empty Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Sun 22 May 2011, 1:58 pm

A little girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill.

"Mommy," she said, "can we leave now?"
"No," her mother replied.
"Well, I think I have to throw up!"
"Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush."
After about 60 seconds the little girl returned to her seat.
"Did you throw up?" Mom asked.
"Yes."
"How could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and returned so quickly?"
"I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy. They have a box next to the front door that says, 'For the Sick.'"
Source: Mickey's Funnies, www.mikeysFunnies.com.

+++++++++++++++++++++++
Beth Vorhees of public TV fame said her daughter, Diana, a third-grader, was to give a demonstration speech at school. She planned to demonstrate how to make "Flies on a Log," which consists of peanut butter spread on a stalk of celery with raisins on it.
The morning of her speech, Diana took out everything she needed and put it on the kitchen counter, ready to take it to school. Unfortunately, when the girl and her mother left for school, they forgot to take the items.
Diana's mother dropped her off and went home to get the stuff.
The celery was gone. The raisins were gone. The peanut butter had been put away.
"Oh," said Diana's father. "I had that stuff for breakfast."
Beth rushed to gather up more ingredients and hurry them to school, with an apology to the teacher and an explanation of what happened.
"Gee," said Diana's teacher, "that's a first -- 'My dad ate my homework.'"
…..Teddi’s Humor (redactatrix@gmail.com) by way of “Christian Voices” (www.ChristianVoicesWorldwide.net)
+++++++++++++++++++++++
Two guys were working for city public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one man digging a hole, the other filling it in again.
An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, "I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?"
The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the guy who plants the trees called in sick."

+++++++++++++++++++++++
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'
+++++++++++++++++++++

An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator! " she cried.
The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."
A few minutes later, the officer radios in: "Disregard," he says. "She got in the back seat by mistake."
--------------
The following are supposed comments made by Police Officers:
"You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."
"You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
"Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
"Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
"Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"
"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
Admin
Admin
Admin

Posts : 59541
Join date : 2008-10-25
Age : 74
Location : Wales UK

View user profile http://worldwidechristians.forumotion.com

Back to top Go down

Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 22 Empty Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Sun 08 May 2011, 9:05 am

A Pleased Psychic

I am not a believer in seances, but I went to one just to see what they are like.
The psychic was doing his thing and grinning from ear to ear. I assumed his merriment was due to the fact that he was fooling a gullible public and punched him in the nose. You can probably guess the rest.



I was arrested for striking a happy medium.
Admin
Admin
Admin

Posts : 59541
Join date : 2008-10-25
Age : 74
Location : Wales UK

View user profile http://worldwidechristians.forumotion.com

Back to top Go down

Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 22 Empty Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Sat 16 Apr 2011, 4:57 pm

minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building.

Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play. "Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."

During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."

At that moment, the substitute organist played, "The Star Spangled Banner."

Admin
Admin
Admin

Posts : 59541
Join date : 2008-10-25
Age : 74
Location : Wales UK

View user profile http://worldwidechristians.forumotion.com

Back to top Go down

Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 22 Empty Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Sat 02 Apr 2011, 12:06 am

Life is full of surprise so often bad times how can we face such trials? We are reminded There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven-- (Ecc 3:1)
This thread is made to share clean jokes please come along and share what you have gleaned on the internet of something you find funny.
Thanks.
Here is a few of my contributions to start off.
<><
 

A few weeks after a young man had been employed, he was called into the Human Resources administrator's office.

"What is the meaning of this?" the personnel officer asked. "When you applied for this job, you told us you had three years experience. Now I've discovered this is the first position you've ever held."

"True," the young man answered with a smile, "in your advertisement you said you wanted a person with imagination."Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 22 200911765034

As a guy takes his seat on an airplane, he is surprised to find a parrot strapped in next to him. After taking off, the flight attendant comes around to serve the passengers on the plane. The guy asks the flight attendant for a coffee and the parrot squawks: "And get ME a coke...NOW!"

The flight attendant, flustered by the parrot's attitude, brings back a coke for the parrot. However, she forgets the coffee for the guy.

As the guy points this out, the parrot drains his glass and screams:

"Get me another coke or I'll really create a scene!"

Quite upset, the attendant comes back shaking, with another coke, but still no coffee.

Irritated at her forgetfulness, the man decides to try the parrot's approach.

"I've asked you twice for a coffee. Go and get it right now, or I'll create a scene that will make HIS look like a Victorian tea party!"

The next moment, both the guy and the parrot are grabbed and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly security guards.

Hurtling towards earth, the parrot turns to him and says: "You're pretty cheeky for a guy who can't fly!" Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 22 200911504630

A man was walking through a German forest when he saw this deep cave, so he decided to go exploring. He walked in a ways and saw a flickering light far ahead so he walked to it.

He was surprised to find an old man with a large stack of music scores in front of him. The old man was rubbing the notes off of the paper and laying the blank sheets aside.

The walker was astonished when he saw who he thought the man was. It seemed to be Mozart! He asked, "Are you Mozart?"

"Yes", the old man replied.

"Would that be Wolfgang Mozart?"

Again the reply was "Yes."

"Well, you've been dead for centuries. What are you doing rubbing those notes off of the music scores?"

[Ready for this ... ???]





The old man looked up, "I'm decomposing! "Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 22 200911504656

STC (Senior Texting Codes)

Since more and more senior citizens are texting and tweeting, there appears to be a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code). If you qualify for senior discounts, these are the codes for you:

ATD: At The Doctor's
BFPG: Best Friend Passed Gas
BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered By Medicare
CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center
DWI: Driving While Incontinent
FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers
FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
FYI: Found Your Insulin
GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
GHA: Got Heartburn Again
IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL: Living On Lipitor
LWO: Lawrence Welk's On
OMMR: On My Massage Recliner
OMSG: Oh My! Sorry, Gas.
ROFL... CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing...Can' t Get Up
TTYL: Talk To You Louder
WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?
WTP: Where's The Prunes?
WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil

Feel free to add any codes you feel are missing;
GGLKI: Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 22 20091222387


Last edited by Admin on Wed 05 Apr 2017, 11:06 am; edited 1 time in total
Admin
Admin
Admin

Posts : 59541
Join date : 2008-10-25
Age : 74
Location : Wales UK

View user profile http://worldwidechristians.forumotion.com

Back to top Go down

Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 22 Empty Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

Page 22 of 22 Previous  1 ... 12 ... 20, 21, 22

Back to top


 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum