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On the Lighter Side
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Re: On the Lighter Side
HUMOR
Our nephew was getting married to a doctor's daughter. At the wedding reception, the father of the bride stood to read his toast, which he had scribbled on a prescription pad.
Several times during his speech, he halted, overcome with what I assumed was a moment of deep emotion. But after a particularly long pause, he explained... "I'm really sorry, folks. I can't seem to make out what I've written down."
Looking out into the audience, he asked, "Is there a pharmacist in the house?"
…..Doc’s Daily Chuckle
Our nephew was getting married to a doctor's daughter. At the wedding reception, the father of the bride stood to read his toast, which he had scribbled on a prescription pad.
Several times during his speech, he halted, overcome with what I assumed was a moment of deep emotion. But after a particularly long pause, he explained... "I'm really sorry, folks. I can't seem to make out what I've written down."
Looking out into the audience, he asked, "Is there a pharmacist in the house?"
…..Doc’s Daily Chuckle
Re: On the Lighter Side
It can be a challenge keeping a straight face as a
court reporter. The following are from a book called
Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people
actually [or supposedly] said in court, word for word,
taken down and now published by court reporters that
had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges
were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said
to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said , 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
* * * * * * *
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the
impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
* * * * * * *
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your
memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of
something you forgot?
* * * * * * *
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person
dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the
next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
* * * * * * *
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old
is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
* * * * * * *
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
* * * * * * *
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
* * * * * * *
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the circus was in town, I'm going with
male.
court reporter. The following are from a book called
Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people
actually [or supposedly] said in court, word for word,
taken down and now published by court reporters that
had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges
were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said
to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said , 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
* * * * * * *
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the
impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
* * * * * * *
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your
memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of
something you forgot?
* * * * * * *
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person
dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the
next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
* * * * * * *
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old
is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
* * * * * * *
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
* * * * * * *
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
* * * * * * *
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the circus was in town, I'm going with
male.
Re: On the Lighter Side
On the Lighter Side
A father and his small son were out walking one day
when the lad asked how electricity could go through the
wires stretched between the telephone poles. "I don't
know," said his father. "I never knew much about
electricity." A few blocks farther on, the boy asked
what caused lightning and thunder. "That too has
puzzled me," came the reply. The youngster continued to
inquire about many things, none of which the father
could explain. Finally, as they were nearing home, the
boy said, "Pop, I hope you didn't mind all those
questions." "Not at all," replied his father. "How else
are you going to learn!"
Re: On the Lighter Side
On the Lighter Side
Tidbits of Wisdom
I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move
out of the way much faster now!
You know that tingly little feeling you get when you
really like someone? That's common sense leaving your
body.
I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five
years in a row.
I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and
renamed it the Jim. I feel so much better saying I went
to the Jim this morning.
Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators.
We haven't met yet....
Old age is coming at a really bad time!
When I was a child I thought 'nap time' was a
punishment. Now, as a grownup, it just feels like a
small vacation!
The biggest lie I tell myself is: "I don't need to
write that down, I'll remember it."
Why do I have to press one for English when you're just
gonna transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?
Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert
advice.
At my age being lucky means walking into a room and
remembering what I came in there for.
-- Submitted by Chuck Smith
Tidbits of Wisdom
I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move
out of the way much faster now!
You know that tingly little feeling you get when you
really like someone? That's common sense leaving your
body.
I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five
years in a row.
I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and
renamed it the Jim. I feel so much better saying I went
to the Jim this morning.
Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators.
We haven't met yet....
Old age is coming at a really bad time!
When I was a child I thought 'nap time' was a
punishment. Now, as a grownup, it just feels like a
small vacation!
The biggest lie I tell myself is: "I don't need to
write that down, I'll remember it."
Why do I have to press one for English when you're just
gonna transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?
Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert
advice.
At my age being lucky means walking into a room and
remembering what I came in there for.
-- Submitted by Chuck Smith
Re: On the Lighter Side
On the Lighter Side
Pat and his wife, Martha, were getting ready to leave
home for a vacation. Martha started out the door, then
stopped and said, "Pat, this time you check to see if
the coffee pot is off, television plugs are pulled,
burglar alarm on, doors locked, and I'll go out and
blow the horn."
-- Cited on WITandWISDOM
http://www.witandwisdom.org
Pat and his wife, Martha, were getting ready to leave
home for a vacation. Martha started out the door, then
stopped and said, "Pat, this time you check to see if
the coffee pot is off, television plugs are pulled,
burglar alarm on, doors locked, and I'll go out and
blow the horn."
-- Cited on WITandWISDOM
http://www.witandwisdom.org
Re: On the Lighter Side
On the Lighter Side
Pat and his wife, Martha, were getting ready to leave
home for a vacation. Martha started out the door, then
stopped and said, "Pat, this time you check to see if
the coffee pot is off, television plugs are pulled,
burglar alarm on, doors locked, and I'll go out and
blow the horn."
-- Cited on WITandWISDOM
http://www.witandwisdom.org
Pat and his wife, Martha, were getting ready to leave
home for a vacation. Martha started out the door, then
stopped and said, "Pat, this time you check to see if
the coffee pot is off, television plugs are pulled,
burglar alarm on, doors locked, and I'll go out and
blow the horn."
-- Cited on WITandWISDOM
http://www.witandwisdom.org
Re: On the Lighter Side
On the Lighter Side
Adequate Etiquette.
At a very impressive banquet a guest turned to the
woman seated next to him.
"Did I get your name correctly?" he asked. "Is your
name Post?
"Yes, it is," the lady said.
"Is it Emily Post?"
"Yes," she replied.
"And are you the world-renowned authority on manners?"
the man asked.
"Yes, and why do you ask?"
"Because," said the man, "you have just eaten my
salad."
Adequate Etiquette.
At a very impressive banquet a guest turned to the
woman seated next to him.
"Did I get your name correctly?" he asked. "Is your
name Post?
"Yes, it is," the lady said.
"Is it Emily Post?"
"Yes," she replied.
"And are you the world-renowned authority on manners?"
the man asked.
"Yes, and why do you ask?"
"Because," said the man, "you have just eaten my
salad."
Re: On the Lighter Side
What Will You Do?
During my long life, I have learned one lesson: that
the most important thing is to realize why one is
alive--and I think it is not only to build bridges or
tall buildings or make money, but to do something truly
important, to do something for humanity. To bring joy,
hope, to make life richer for the spirit because you
have been alive, that is the most important thing.
Arthur Rubinstein (1887-1982), Pianist
During my long life, I have learned one lesson: that
the most important thing is to realize why one is
alive--and I think it is not only to build bridges or
tall buildings or make money, but to do something truly
important, to do something for humanity. To bring joy,
hope, to make life richer for the spirit because you
have been alive, that is the most important thing.
Arthur Rubinstein (1887-1982), Pianist
Re: On the Lighter Side
On the Lighter Side
Tom Lehrer, lecturing in "The Nature of Math": "On my
income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are
blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches
away."
David Brenner: "A vegetarian is a person who won't eat
anything that can have children."
Brian Kiley: "Got a piece of mail today, and it said,
'This is not a bill.' So I opened it up, and inside it
said, 'That was the envelope. This is the bill.'"
Fred Allen: "A committee is a group of people who
individually can do nothing but together can decide
that nothing can be done."
Source: Jokeworm's Quotes, http://Jokeworm.com
Cited on WITandWISDOM www.witandwisdom.org
On the Lighter Side
From a church bulletin: "Our minister is leaving the
church this Sunday. Will you please send in a small
donation? The congregation wants to give him a little
momentum."
From a sign on a church property: "The gospel is free,
but this church is for sale."
From a newsletter: "What God couldn't do if only he had
the money!"
From a church notice board: "Hear our pastor preach
tonight on the subject: 'What is Hell Like.' Come early
and hear our choir sing!"
Tom Lehrer, lecturing in "The Nature of Math": "On my
income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are
blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches
away."
David Brenner: "A vegetarian is a person who won't eat
anything that can have children."
Brian Kiley: "Got a piece of mail today, and it said,
'This is not a bill.' So I opened it up, and inside it
said, 'That was the envelope. This is the bill.'"
Fred Allen: "A committee is a group of people who
individually can do nothing but together can decide
that nothing can be done."
Source: Jokeworm's Quotes, http://Jokeworm.com
Cited on WITandWISDOM www.witandwisdom.org
On the Lighter Side
From a church bulletin: "Our minister is leaving the
church this Sunday. Will you please send in a small
donation? The congregation wants to give him a little
momentum."
From a sign on a church property: "The gospel is free,
but this church is for sale."
From a newsletter: "What God couldn't do if only he had
the money!"
From a church notice board: "Hear our pastor preach
tonight on the subject: 'What is Hell Like.' Come early
and hear our choir sing!"
Re: On the Lighter Side
On the Lighter Side
Well-known for his competency and ingenuity as a
carpenter, my husband was
fixing our cottage dock. He removed his watch and
placed it on the dock so
it wouldn't get wet. To make sure it wouldn't fall into
the water, he
decided to anchor it around a nail. He held the nail
against the wood in the
center of the band, and with one deft blow he smashed
his watch to pieces.
Cited on WITandWISDOM
www.witandwisdom.org
On the Lighter Side
The minister of a well-attended, strong, and
enthusiastic church often showed himself ready and able
to deal with any situation that might come up. One
Sunday, just as he was reaching the climax of his
sermon, his own young son entered the church, ran to
the center aisle, started making loud beeps and vrrrmms
like a car without a muffler, then zoomed right toward
him. The minister stopped his sermon, pointed severely
at his son, and commanded, "Jimmy, park the car
immediately beside your mother on that bench
(pointing), turn off the ignition, and hand her the
keys." The sermon continued undisturbed ... after a
good laugh by the congregation.
Source Unknown. Submitted by WordPainter.
tggcitm04@charter.net
Well-known for his competency and ingenuity as a
carpenter, my husband was
fixing our cottage dock. He removed his watch and
placed it on the dock so
it wouldn't get wet. To make sure it wouldn't fall into
the water, he
decided to anchor it around a nail. He held the nail
against the wood in the
center of the band, and with one deft blow he smashed
his watch to pieces.
Cited on WITandWISDOM
www.witandwisdom.org
On the Lighter Side
The minister of a well-attended, strong, and
enthusiastic church often showed himself ready and able
to deal with any situation that might come up. One
Sunday, just as he was reaching the climax of his
sermon, his own young son entered the church, ran to
the center aisle, started making loud beeps and vrrrmms
like a car without a muffler, then zoomed right toward
him. The minister stopped his sermon, pointed severely
at his son, and commanded, "Jimmy, park the car
immediately beside your mother on that bench
(pointing), turn off the ignition, and hand her the
keys." The sermon continued undisturbed ... after a
good laugh by the congregation.
Source Unknown. Submitted by WordPainter.
tggcitm04@charter.net
Re: On the Lighter Side
] On the Lighter Side
An Australian pastor writes: "I returned recently from
a trip to New Zealand and heard there of a pastor who'd
just discovered the wonders of Windows 'Find and
Replace.'
"So he copied the Order of Service he had already done
for the funeral of a 'Mary.' The following week all he
had to do was find all the Mary's and replace them with
"Edna."
"But when Edna's mourners got to the Apostle's Creed
and read 'Born of the virgin Edna,' they all cracked
up--and the pastor lost them for the rest of the
service!"
-- Cited on clergy@pastornet.net.au
An Australian pastor writes: "I returned recently from
a trip to New Zealand and heard there of a pastor who'd
just discovered the wonders of Windows 'Find and
Replace.'
"So he copied the Order of Service he had already done
for the funeral of a 'Mary.' The following week all he
had to do was find all the Mary's and replace them with
"Edna."
"But when Edna's mourners got to the Apostle's Creed
and read 'Born of the virgin Edna,' they all cracked
up--and the pastor lost them for the rest of the
service!"
-- Cited on clergy@pastornet.net.au
Re: On the Lighter Side
On the Lighter Side
There was a knock at the door. It was a small boy,
about six years old. Something of his had found its way
into my garage, he said, and he wanted it back.
Upon opening the garage door, I noticed two additions:
a baseball and a broken window sporting a
baseball-sized hole. "How do you suppose this ball got
in here?" I asked the boy.
Taking one look at the ball, one look at the window,
and one look at me, the boy exclaimed, "Wow! I must
have thrown it right through that hole!"
-- Cited on ArcaMax.com
There was a knock at the door. It was a small boy,
about six years old. Something of his had found its way
into my garage, he said, and he wanted it back.
Upon opening the garage door, I noticed two additions:
a baseball and a broken window sporting a
baseball-sized hole. "How do you suppose this ball got
in here?" I asked the boy.
Taking one look at the ball, one look at the window,
and one look at me, the boy exclaimed, "Wow! I must
have thrown it right through that hole!"
-- Cited on ArcaMax.com
Re: On the Lighter Side
On the Lighter Side
What marriage is about ...
He ordered one hamburger, one order of French fries and
one drink. The old man unwrapped the plain hamburger
and carefully cut it in half.
He placed one half in front of his wife.
He then carefully counted out the French fries,
dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile
in front of his wife
He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and
then set the cup down between them. As he began to eat
his few bites of hamburger, the people around them kept
looking over and whispering.
You could tell they were thinking, "That poor old
couple--all they can afford is one meal for the two of
them."
As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to
the table. He politely offered to buy another meal for
the old couple. The old man said they were just
fine--They were used to sharing everything.
The surrounding people noticed the little old lady
hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband
eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.
Again the young man came over and begged them to let
him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman
said "No, thank you, we are used to sharing
everything."
As the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly
with the napkin, the young man again came over to the
little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of
food and asked "What is it you are waiting for?"
She answered ...
What marriage is about ...
He ordered one hamburger, one order of French fries and
one drink. The old man unwrapped the plain hamburger
and carefully cut it in half.
He placed one half in front of his wife.
He then carefully counted out the French fries,
dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile
in front of his wife
He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and
then set the cup down between them. As he began to eat
his few bites of hamburger, the people around them kept
looking over and whispering.
You could tell they were thinking, "That poor old
couple--all they can afford is one meal for the two of
them."
As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to
the table. He politely offered to buy another meal for
the old couple. The old man said they were just
fine--They were used to sharing everything.
The surrounding people noticed the little old lady
hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband
eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.
Again the young man came over and begged them to let
him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman
said "No, thank you, we are used to sharing
everything."
As the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly
with the napkin, the young man again came over to the
little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of
food and asked "What is it you are waiting for?"
She answered ...
Re: On the Lighter Side
On the Lighter Side
What marriage is about ...
He ordered one hamburger, one order of French fries and
one drink. The old man unwrapped the plain hamburger
and carefully cut it in half.
He placed one half in front of his wife.
He then carefully counted out the French fries,
dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile
in front of his wife
He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and
then set the cup down between them. As he began to eat
his few bites of hamburger, the people around them kept
looking over and whispering.
You could tell they were thinking, "That poor old
couple--all they can afford is one meal for the two of
them."
As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to
the table. He politely offered to buy another meal for
the old couple. The old man said they were just
fine--They were used to sharing everything.
The surrounding people noticed the little old lady
hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband
eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.
Again the young man came over and begged them to let
him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman
said "No, thank you, we are used to sharing
everything."
As the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly
with the napkin, the young man again came over to the
little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of
food and asked "What is it you are waiting for?"
She answered ...
"THE TEETH."
-- Submitted by Kath Newman, Australia
What marriage is about ...
He ordered one hamburger, one order of French fries and
one drink. The old man unwrapped the plain hamburger
and carefully cut it in half.
He placed one half in front of his wife.
He then carefully counted out the French fries,
dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile
in front of his wife
He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and
then set the cup down between them. As he began to eat
his few bites of hamburger, the people around them kept
looking over and whispering.
You could tell they were thinking, "That poor old
couple--all they can afford is one meal for the two of
them."
As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to
the table. He politely offered to buy another meal for
the old couple. The old man said they were just
fine--They were used to sharing everything.
The surrounding people noticed the little old lady
hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband
eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.
Again the young man came over and begged them to let
him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman
said "No, thank you, we are used to sharing
everything."
As the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly
with the napkin, the young man again came over to the
little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of
food and asked "What is it you are waiting for?"
She answered ...
"THE TEETH."
-- Submitted by Kath Newman, Australia
Re: On the Lighter Side
On the Lighter Side
After starting a new diet, I altered my drive to work
to avoid passing my favorite bakery.
But this morning I accidentally drove by the bakery and
as I approached, there in the window were a host of
goodies.
I felt this was no accident, so I prayed, "Lord, it's
up to you, if you want me to have any of those
delicious goodies, please create a parking place for me
directly in front of the bakery."
And sure enough, on the eighth time around the block,
there it was!
Today's Thought: "Ginger Rogers did everything Fred
Astaire did, but she did it backwards and in heels."
-- Cited on Mickey's Funnies
http://www.mikeysFunnies.com
After starting a new diet, I altered my drive to work
to avoid passing my favorite bakery.
But this morning I accidentally drove by the bakery and
as I approached, there in the window were a host of
goodies.
I felt this was no accident, so I prayed, "Lord, it's
up to you, if you want me to have any of those
delicious goodies, please create a parking place for me
directly in front of the bakery."
And sure enough, on the eighth time around the block,
there it was!
Today's Thought: "Ginger Rogers did everything Fred
Astaire did, but she did it backwards and in heels."
-- Cited on Mickey's Funnies
http://www.mikeysFunnies.com
Re: On the Lighter Side
. On the Lighter Side
As a new commercial pilot, I found that most of my time
and energy was put into learning how to fly a jet. I
could see that my fiancée's patience was wearing thin
because I had little time to spend with her. It became
even worse when our spring wedding clashed with a new
series of required training flights that would take me
abroad for more than a month.
At my suggestion we decided to marry sooner. The day
was perfect, with no talk of flying. My heart melted as
I watched her walk up the aisle to stand next to me.
But as we recited our vows, I looked into her eyes and
said, "With this wing, I thee wed."
-- Cited on Aiken's Daily Laughs.
http://www.AikensLaughs.com
As a new commercial pilot, I found that most of my time
and energy was put into learning how to fly a jet. I
could see that my fiancée's patience was wearing thin
because I had little time to spend with her. It became
even worse when our spring wedding clashed with a new
series of required training flights that would take me
abroad for more than a month.
At my suggestion we decided to marry sooner. The day
was perfect, with no talk of flying. My heart melted as
I watched her walk up the aisle to stand next to me.
But as we recited our vows, I looked into her eyes and
said, "With this wing, I thee wed."
-- Cited on Aiken's Daily Laughs.
http://www.AikensLaughs.com
Re: On the Lighter Side
On the Lighter Side
As a new commercial pilot, I found that most of my time
and energy was put into learning how to fly a jet. I
could see that my fiancée's patience was wearing thin
because I had little time to spend with her. It became
even worse when our spring wedding clashed with a new
series of required training flights that would take me
abroad for more than a month.
At my suggestion we decided to marry sooner. The day
was perfect, with no talk of flying. My heart melted as
I watched her walk up the aisle to stand next to me.
But as we recited our vows, I looked into her eyes and
said, "With this wing, I thee wed."
-- Cited on Aiken's Daily Laughs.
http://www.AikensLaughs.com
As a new commercial pilot, I found that most of my time
and energy was put into learning how to fly a jet. I
could see that my fiancée's patience was wearing thin
because I had little time to spend with her. It became
even worse when our spring wedding clashed with a new
series of required training flights that would take me
abroad for more than a month.
At my suggestion we decided to marry sooner. The day
was perfect, with no talk of flying. My heart melted as
I watched her walk up the aisle to stand next to me.
But as we recited our vows, I looked into her eyes and
said, "With this wing, I thee wed."
-- Cited on Aiken's Daily Laughs.
http://www.AikensLaughs.com
Re: On the Lighter Side
On the Lighter Side
A little seven-year-old boy prayed one night before bed
for God to give him a baby sister.
When he awakened the next morning, the youngster found
that there was no baby. Undaunted, he prayed a second
time for the same thing. Still no baby.
Some months later, the boy and his father made a trip
to the local hospital. When the two of them arrived,
they stepped into a room in the maternity section and
found the boy's mother holding a precious baby sister
in her right arm, and yet another baby sister in her
left! The proud father looked down into the eyes of his
son and said, "Now, aren't you glad you prayed?" To
which the little boy responded, "Yes, and aren't you
glad I stopped when I did?"
-- Cited on KneEmail http://www.oakhillcoc.org
A little seven-year-old boy prayed one night before bed
for God to give him a baby sister.
When he awakened the next morning, the youngster found
that there was no baby. Undaunted, he prayed a second
time for the same thing. Still no baby.
Some months later, the boy and his father made a trip
to the local hospital. When the two of them arrived,
they stepped into a room in the maternity section and
found the boy's mother holding a precious baby sister
in her right arm, and yet another baby sister in her
left! The proud father looked down into the eyes of his
son and said, "Now, aren't you glad you prayed?" To
which the little boy responded, "Yes, and aren't you
glad I stopped when I did?"
-- Cited on KneEmail http://www.oakhillcoc.org
Re: On the Lighter Side
On the Lighter Side
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her
mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly
noticed that her mother had several strands of white
hair sticking out, in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked,
"Mommy, why are some of your hairs white?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time you do something
wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns
white."
The little girl was silent for a while, and then said,
"Poor Grandma. You must have been very, very hard to
raise."
Forwarded by Mark Rayburn.
On the Lighter Side
Bill was a frequent user of a pay telephone at a
popular truck stop, and was greatly inconvenienced when
the phone went out of commission. Repeated requests for
repair brought only promises. After several days, Bill
again contacted the phone company and told them there
was no longer a rush. The phone was now working fine...
except that all money was being returned upon
completion of each call. A repairman arrived within the
hour!
-- Cited on www.ArcaMax.com
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her
mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly
noticed that her mother had several strands of white
hair sticking out, in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked,
"Mommy, why are some of your hairs white?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time you do something
wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns
white."
The little girl was silent for a while, and then said,
"Poor Grandma. You must have been very, very hard to
raise."
Forwarded by Mark Rayburn.
On the Lighter Side
Bill was a frequent user of a pay telephone at a
popular truck stop, and was greatly inconvenienced when
the phone went out of commission. Repeated requests for
repair brought only promises. After several days, Bill
again contacted the phone company and told them there
was no longer a rush. The phone was now working fine...
except that all money was being returned upon
completion of each call. A repairman arrived within the
hour!
-- Cited on www.ArcaMax.com
Re: On the Lighter Side
On the Lighter Side
"Dad," a teenage girl says, running into her father's
den, "I'd like to kiss you good-bye before I go to
school!"
"You're too late, Honey. Your mother just did that two
minutes ago, and I don't have any cash left on me."
"Dad," a teenage girl says, running into her father's
den, "I'd like to kiss you good-bye before I go to
school!"
"You're too late, Honey. Your mother just did that two
minutes ago, and I don't have any cash left on me."
Re: On the Lighter Side
. On the Lighter Side
The minister of a well-attended, strong, and
enthusiastic church often showed himself ready and able
to deal with any situation that might come up. One
Sunday, just as he was reaching the climax of his
sermon, his own young son entered the church, ran to
the center aisle, started making loud beeps and vrrrmms
like a car without a muffler, then zoomed right toward
him. The minister stopped his sermon, pointed severely
at his son, and commanded, "Jimmy, park the car
immediately beside your mother on that bench
(pointing), turn off the ignition, and hand her the
keys." The sermon continued undisturbed ... after a
good laugh by the congregation.
-- Source Unknown
The minister of a well-attended, strong, and
enthusiastic church often showed himself ready and able
to deal with any situation that might come up. One
Sunday, just as he was reaching the climax of his
sermon, his own young son entered the church, ran to
the center aisle, started making loud beeps and vrrrmms
like a car without a muffler, then zoomed right toward
him. The minister stopped his sermon, pointed severely
at his son, and commanded, "Jimmy, park the car
immediately beside your mother on that bench
(pointing), turn off the ignition, and hand her the
keys." The sermon continued undisturbed ... after a
good laugh by the congregation.
-- Source Unknown
Re: On the Lighter Side
On the Lighter Side
Johnny: "Do you think people can predict the future
with cards?"
Jimmy: "My mother sure can. She takes one look at my
report card and tells me exactly what will happen when
Dad gets home."
Forwarded by Gretchen Patti
Source: Mickey's Funnies. To subscribe go to:
http://www.mikeysFunnies.com/sub/
Johnny: "Do you think people can predict the future
with cards?"
Jimmy: "My mother sure can. She takes one look at my
report card and tells me exactly what will happen when
Dad gets home."
Forwarded by Gretchen Patti
Source: Mickey's Funnies. To subscribe go to:
http://www.mikeysFunnies.com/sub/
Re: On the Lighter Side
On the Lighter Side
The man told his doctor he wasn't able to do all the
things around the house that he used to do. When the
examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can
take it. Tell me in plain English what's wrong with
me."
"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "You're
just a plain old lazy bum."
"Thank you," said the man, "now give me the medical
term, so I can tell my wife!"
-- Cited on ArcaMax.com
The man told his doctor he wasn't able to do all the
things around the house that he used to do. When the
examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can
take it. Tell me in plain English what's wrong with
me."
"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "You're
just a plain old lazy bum."
"Thank you," said the man, "now give me the medical
term, so I can tell my wife!"
-- Cited on ArcaMax.com
Re: On the Lighter Side
On the Lighter Side
The man told his doctor he wasn't able to do all the
things around the house that he used to do. When the
examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can
take it. Tell me in plain English what's wrong with
me."
"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "You're
just a plain old lazy bum."
"Thank you," said the man, "now give me the medical
term, so I can tell my wife!"
-- Cited on ArcaMax.com
The man told his doctor he wasn't able to do all the
things around the house that he used to do. When the
examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can
take it. Tell me in plain English what's wrong with
me."
"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "You're
just a plain old lazy bum."
"Thank you," said the man, "now give me the medical
term, so I can tell my wife!"
-- Cited on ArcaMax.com
Re: On the Lighter Side
On the Lighter Side
Steve phoned his dentist when he received a huge bill.
"I'm shocked!" he complained. "This is three times what
you normally charge."
"Yes, I know," said the dentist. "But you yelled so
loud, you scared away two other patients."
-- Cited on www.mikeysFunnies.com
Steve phoned his dentist when he received a huge bill.
"I'm shocked!" he complained. "This is three times what
you normally charge."
"Yes, I know," said the dentist. "But you yelled so
loud, you scared away two other patients."
-- Cited on www.mikeysFunnies.com
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