World Wide Christians Partner with Jesus' Place/
Would you like to react to this message? Create an account in a few clicks or log in to continue.
Who is online?
In total there are 6 users online :: 0 Registered, 0 Hidden and 6 Guests :: 1 Bot

None

[ View the whole list ]


Most users ever online was 115 on Wed 03 Jul 2019, 3:20 pm
Latest topics
» BIBLE STUDY on VERSE
Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 EmptyYesterday at 11:28 pm by Admin

» ENDTIME HEADLINES
Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 EmptyYesterday at 10:36 pm by Admin

» THE BLAZE
Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 EmptyYesterday at 10:32 pm by Admin

» Joe Biden Smoking Gun
Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 EmptyYesterday at 10:31 pm by Admin

» AISH
Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 EmptyYesterday at 10:05 pm by Admin

» NUGGET Today's Devotional
Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 EmptyYesterday at 10:02 pm by Admin

»  Chip Brogden CHURCH WITHOUT WALLS
Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 EmptyYesterday at 10:00 pm by Admin

» R.D SOUZA Saved by faith
Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 EmptyYesterday at 9:58 pm by Admin

» KEITH NOTES FROM NANJING
Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 EmptyYesterday at 7:03 pm by Admin

» +Dev+ Michael D. Inman Pastor
Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 EmptyYesterday at 6:51 pm by Admin

» WORTHY NEWS
Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 EmptyYesterday at 6:48 pm by Admin

» Daily Disciples
Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 EmptyYesterday at 6:46 pm by Admin

» servant @ TWO LISTENERS
Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 EmptyYesterday at 6:44 pm by Admin

»  HONEST REPORTING Defending Israel from Media Bias plz read REGULAR UPDATES
Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 EmptyYesterday at 6:42 pm by Admin

» ATLAS SHRUGS - PAMELA GELLER
Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 EmptyYesterday at 6:32 pm by Admin

» Black Lives Matter Riots and MORE
Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 EmptyYesterday at 6:25 pm by Admin

»  BRITAIN NEWS AND ALERT's
Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 EmptyYesterday at 6:24 pm by Admin

» Pope Francis Agenda & One World Government
Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 EmptyYesterday at 1:51 pm by Admin

» PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP
Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 EmptyYesterday at 1:49 pm by Admin

» ISRAEL BREAKING NEWS
Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 EmptyYesterday at 1:48 pm by Admin

Navigation
 Portal
 Index
 Memberlist
 Profile
 FAQ
 Search

Share your Jokes smiles here

Page 13 of 23 Previous  1 ... 8 ... 12, 13, 14 ... 18 ... 23  Next

Go down

Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 Empty Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Thu 27 Jun 2013, 10:41 am

OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES!
MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six."

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night: "I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?"

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please don't give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth cough."

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I cost?"

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried when his Mom asked what was troubling him. He replied, "I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?"

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that was hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?"

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, James asked: "What happened to the flea?"
…..Mikey's Funnies (funnies-owner@lists.MikeysFunnies.com) by way of “Christian Voices” (www.ChristianVoicesWorldwide.net)
Admin
Admin
Admin

Posts : 66673
Join date : 2008-10-25
Age : 75
Location : Wales UK

https://worldwidechristians.forumotion.com

Back to top Go down

Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 Empty Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Sat 22 Jun 2013, 7:32 pm

How hot is it?

The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

The trees are whistling for the dogs.

The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

Hot water now comes out of both taps.

You can make sun tea instantly.

You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.

The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.

You discover that in August it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.

You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.

You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.

Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs.

The cows are giving evaporated milk.


Two dogs were walking down the street. The one dog says to the other, "Wait here a minute, I'll be right back." He walks across the street and sniffs this fire hydrant for about a minute, then walks back across the street.

The other dog says, "What was that about?"

The dog first dog says, "Oh, I was just checking my messages."
Admin
Admin
Admin

Posts : 66673
Join date : 2008-10-25
Age : 75
Location : Wales UK

https://worldwidechristians.forumotion.com

Back to top Go down

Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 Empty Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Fri 21 Jun 2013, 6:56 pm

A knight and his men return to their castle after a long hard day of fighting.

"How are we faring?" asks the king.

"Sire," replies the knight, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the west."

"What?! " shrieks the king. "I don't have any enemies to the west!"

"Oh, no..." says the knight. "Well, you do now."


GRAMMAR OOPS

~ The burglar was about 30 years old, white, 5' 10", with wavy hair weighing about 150 pounds.

~ The family lawyer will read the will tomorrow at the residence of Mr. Hannon, who died June 19 to accommodate his relatives.

~ Mrs. Shirley Baxter, who went deer hunting with her husband, is very proud that she was able to shoot a fine buck as well as her husband.

~ Organ donations from the living reached a record high last year, outnumbering donors who are dead for the first time.

~ The dog was hungry and made the mistake of nipping a 2-year-old that was trying to force feed it in his ear.

~ We spent most of our time sitting on the back porch watching the cows playing Scrabble and reading.

~ Hunting can also be dangerous, as in the case of pygmies hunting elephants armed only with spears
Admin
Admin
Admin

Posts : 66673
Join date : 2008-10-25
Age : 75
Location : Wales UK

https://worldwidechristians.forumotion.com

Back to top Go down

Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 Empty Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Mon 17 Jun 2013, 4:38 pm

The church gossip, and self-appointed arbiter of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several church members were unappreciative of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being drunk after she saw his pickup truck parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.

She commented to George on a Sunday morning, in the company of many, that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.

George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny; he said nothing.

Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of her house and left it there all night.
Admin
Admin
Admin

Posts : 66673
Join date : 2008-10-25
Age : 75
Location : Wales UK

https://worldwidechristians.forumotion.com

Back to top Go down

Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 Empty Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:20 am

My mother-in-law is not known for her driving skills. So it came as no surprise when she was in another accident a couple of months back. She came out of a side street and ran slam-bang into the town doctor's car.

 

"Oh Doc!" she exclaimed, "I'm so awfully sorry!"

 

"That's perfectly all right," he said, "It was all my fault."

 

"I don't know how you can say that. I'm sure it was entirely my fault."

 

"No, no, ma'am it was my fault. I'll take the entire blame."

 

"But why is it your fault? I ran into you, didn't I?"

 

"Yes, you did. But I saw you driving down-town half an hour ago, and I had plenty of time to take

 

my car home and put it in the garage, but I didn't do it!"

 

…..Docs Daily Chuckle (pkaine@roadrunner.com) by way of “Christian Voices” (ChristianVoices@att.net)
Admin
Admin
Admin

Posts : 66673
Join date : 2008-10-25
Age : 75
Location : Wales UK

https://worldwidechristians.forumotion.com

Back to top Go down

Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 Empty Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Tue 11 Jun 2013, 10:10 pm

Passed Note
A nearsighted minister glanced at the note that Mrs. Jones had sent to him by an usher.

The note read: "Bill Jones having gone to sea, his wife desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety."

Failing to observe the punctuation, he startled his audience by announcing:

"Bill Jones, having gone to see his wife, desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety."
Admin
Admin
Admin

Posts : 66673
Join date : 2008-10-25
Age : 75
Location : Wales UK

https://worldwidechristians.forumotion.com

Back to top Go down

Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 Empty Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Mon 10 Jun 2013, 11:13 pm

A junior-high student was studying astronomy and enjoying it greatly.

One morning at breakfast she mentioned, "On Friday we're having a quiz on the moon."

Her little brother piped up: "Are you gonna let her go, Mom??"
Admin
Admin
Admin

Posts : 66673
Join date : 2008-10-25
Age : 75
Location : Wales UK

https://worldwidechristians.forumotion.com

Back to top Go down

Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 Empty Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Sun 09 Jun 2013, 10:22 pm

A counselor was helping his kids put their stuff away on their first morning in Summer Camp.

He was surprised to see one of the youngsters had an umbrella.

The counselor asked, "Why did you bring! an umbrella to camp?"

The kid answered, "Did you ever have a mother?
Admin
Admin
Admin

Posts : 66673
Join date : 2008-10-25
Age : 75
Location : Wales UK

https://worldwidechristians.forumotion.com

Back to top Go down

Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 Empty Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Fri 07 Jun 2013, 8:26 pm

A grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.

"You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell."

"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?

"What?! You coming empty handed?"
Admin
Admin
Admin

Posts : 66673
Join date : 2008-10-25
Age : 75
Location : Wales UK

https://worldwidechristians.forumotion.com

Back to top Go down

Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 Empty Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Tue 04 Jun 2013, 5:29 pm

A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her along.

"I' ll never do that again!" he told his mother that evening. "I didn't catch a thing!"

"Oh, next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and not scare the fish away," his mother said.

The boy said, "It wasn't that. She ate all the bait."

Admin
Admin
Admin

Posts : 66673
Join date : 2008-10-25
Age : 75
Location : Wales UK

https://worldwidechristians.forumotion.com

Back to top Go down

Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 Empty Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Sun 02 Jun 2013, 6:17 pm

On the Lighter Side

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who
was speeding down Main Street.

"But officer," the man began, "I can explain."

"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let
you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."

"But, officer, I just wanted to say...."

"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner
and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his
daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he
gets back."

"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell.
"I'm the groom."

-- Cited on www.sermons.com
Admin
Admin
Admin

Posts : 66673
Join date : 2008-10-25
Age : 75
Location : Wales UK

https://worldwidechristians.forumotion.com

Back to top Go down

Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 Empty Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Sun 02 Jun 2013, 4:19 pm

CHUCKLE
While my wife and I were shopping at a mall kiosk, a shapely young woman in a short, form-fitting dress strolled by. My eyes followed her.

Without looking up from the item she was examining, my wife asked, "Was it worth the trouble you're in?"
cyclops
Admin
Admin
Admin

Posts : 66673
Join date : 2008-10-25
Age : 75
Location : Wales UK

https://worldwidechristians.forumotion.com

Back to top Go down

Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 Empty Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Thu 30 May 2013, 8:13 am

During a Sunday-morning worship service, a mother tried everything she could think of—including rewards, scolding’s, and threats—to get her fidgety 7-year-old to be quiet. Nothing worked. Finally, about halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered something in the little boy’s ear.

He immediately stopped fidgeting and sat quietly for the rest of the service. Afterward a friend sitting in the row behind asked the young mother what she had said to her son.

The mother smiled slyly and replied, “If you don’t be quiet, the preacher is going to lose his place, and then he’ll have to start his sermon all over again.”

…..Teddi’s Humor (redactatrix@gmail.com) by way of “Christian Voices” (www.ChristianVoicesWorldwide.net)
Admin
Admin
Admin

Posts : 66673
Join date : 2008-10-25
Age : 75
Location : Wales UK

https://worldwidechristians.forumotion.com

Back to top Go down

Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 Empty Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Thu 25 Apr 2013, 10:12 am

Medical Funnies
Taken from actual medical records as dictated by physicians. Apparently, it's not just their handwriting that's bad. Wink Editorial comments in brackets.

- By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better. [At least he was feeling no pain.]

- Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

- On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared. [Call the National Enquirer!]

- The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.

- The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

- Discharge status: Alive but without permission. [Some people are so rude.]

- Healthy-appearing decrepit sixty-nine-year- old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

- The patient refused an autopsy. [And who could blame them?]

- The patient has no past history of suicides.

- Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital. [...quick call the hospital and get them.]

- The patient' s past medical history has been remarkably insignificant, with only a forty-pound weight gain in the past three days.

- She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December. [Was this an amicable split? Or a trial separation?]

- The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

- She is numb from her toes down.

- The skin was moist and dry. [That's not skin; it's a moist towelette.]

- Patient was alert and unresponsive. [...not to mention forgetful.]

- When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
Admin
Admin
Admin

Posts : 66673
Join date : 2008-10-25
Age : 75
Location : Wales UK

https://worldwidechristians.forumotion.com

Back to top Go down

Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 Empty Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Sun 21 Apr 2013, 7:03 pm

A man goes into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if
he can give him something for the hiccups. The
pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man's
face.

"What did you do that for?" the man asks.

"Well, you don't have the hiccups anymore, do you?"

The man says, "No, but my wife out in the car still
does!"

Source: Mickey's Funnies, www.mikeysFunnies.com
Admin
Admin
Admin

Posts : 66673
Join date : 2008-10-25
Age : 75
Location : Wales UK

https://worldwidechristians.forumotion.com

Back to top Go down

Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 Empty Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Sat 20 Apr 2013, 10:20 pm

My fiancé went to the doctor who sent him to the lab for some blood
draws. The person who was about to draw his blood, asked him to “spell
your last name.” This is what he did....he spelled it as Y-O-U-R-
L-A-S-T- N-A-M-E.
One can't say my fiancé didn't follow her directions !
Admin
Admin
Admin

Posts : 66673
Join date : 2008-10-25
Age : 75
Location : Wales UK

https://worldwidechristians.forumotion.com

Back to top Go down

Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 Empty Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Mon 15 Apr 2013, 8:00 pm

Heavenletter #4525 What Runs Your Motor, April 15, 2013
God said:
What matters to you? What matters most to you? Take a good look. What are your priorities? What makes you tick, beloveds?
Of course, We know that it is I Who makes you tick. I am asking this question, however, in terms of the world at large on Earth that you live in. When all is said and done, what matters the most to you? You may not have been paying attention. I ask you now to take a moment to take a look.
This is not a moral question I am asking you. I am not asking you for the best answer. I ask that simply you tell Me that which moves you. There is no right or wrong here. Just asking you what, at this moment, wins the prize for you.
Yes, of course, there are universal answers, yet I am asking what in your life rocks you? This is good to know.
Take a look. Superficial answers are welcome. You don’t have to give a deep philosophic answer. You don’t have to give an admirable answer, and your answer can lead to another answer like a bird on the wing.
If you have a hard time with this question, break it down to two simple questions. Between this and that, which would you choose? I mean the same way you would ask yourself, What color do I like most? Red or green? Between two foods, what would I choose? If I had to, which would I choose.
As your questions grow, so may your insights into what makes you tick also grow. The more specific questions and the more specific answers engendered, the more aware are you of what your deepest desires may be. Don’t feel bad. You may honestly prefer life at hand to the spiritual values. We are taking a look right now at your relative values, dear ones.
A quick answer might be love. A quick answer might be God. A quick answer might be adventure. A quick answer might be home, and so on. We’re just wanting to come closer to the heart of you. All of these answers might be true. You are not a one-celled amoeba. You may have many-shaded answers that come to the fore. Sometimes your answers come down to circumstance.
For Our purposes here, it doesn’t really matter what your answers are. It matters that you take a look, and take a look without judgment. You are a human being. Even though We are all One, I’m asking this question of your individuality. All are created equal, yet all are not the same. At this juncture, We are not asking for the best answer, the highest answer. We are looking for what seems to be what is. You may surprise yourself.
Given the question, would you rather live in a mansion or in a one-bedroom apartment, your answer might surprise you either way. And one question will lead to another. Would you rather have a Jaguar or a VW?
You may never finish the questions, and you may never finish with the answers, and yet you will be closer.
Not that you have to explain, yet, in this case, you may want to ask yourself why you’d rather have a Jaguar than a VW or vice versa. You may know why without hesitation. You may not yet be aware, or fully aware, of why this answer and not another. You may see all sides of the question, and, come to think of it, you may even do a switch. Some answers you may never get to, yet you had a nice spin.
In terms of the relative world, what runs your motor?

Permanent Link: http://www.heavenletters.org/what-runs-your-motor.html
Thank you for including this link when publishing this Heavenletter elsewhere.
Copyright © 1999-Now Heavenletters™
Admin
Admin
Admin

Posts : 66673
Join date : 2008-10-25
Age : 75
Location : Wales UK

https://worldwidechristians.forumotion.com

Back to top Go down

Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 Empty Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Mon 15 Apr 2013, 11:40 am

Bob,a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10 pm news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"
Bob said,"You know, I bet he'll jump." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
Bob placed a$20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!" Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money."
Bob replied,"I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 pm news, and so I knew he would jump." The blonde replied, "I did too, but didn't think he'd do it again." Bob took the money...
Admin
Admin
Admin

Posts : 66673
Join date : 2008-10-25
Age : 75
Location : Wales UK

https://worldwidechristians.forumotion.com

Back to top Go down

Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 Empty Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Thu 11 Apr 2013, 9:58 pm

Mother Quotes

PAUL REVERE'S MOTHER: "I don't care where you think you have to go, young man. Midnight is past your curfew!"

MARY, MARY, QUITE CONTRARY' S MOTHER: "I don't mind you having a garden, Mary, but does it have to be growing under your bed?"

MONA LISA'S MOTHER: "After all that money your father and I spent on braces, Mona, that's the biggest smile you can give us?"

HUMPTY DUMPTY'S MOTHER: "Humpty, if I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times not to sit on that wall. But would you listen to me? Noooo!"

COLUMBUS' MOTHER: "I don't care what you've discovered, Christopher. You still could have written!"

BABE RUTH'S MOTHER: "Babe, how many times have I told you-quit playing ball in the house! That's the third broken window this week!"

MICHELANGELO&# 39;S MOTHER: "Mike, can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?"

NAPOLEON' S MOTHER: "All right, Napoleon. If you aren't hiding your report card inside your jacket, then take your hand out of there and prove it!"

CUSTER'S MOTHER: "Now, George, remember what I told you-don' t go biting off more than you can chew!"

ABRAHAM LINCOLN' S MOTHER: "Again with the stovepipe hat, Abe? Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"

BARNEY'S MOTHER: "I realize strained plums are your favorite, Barney, but you're starting to look a little purple."

MARY'S MOTHER: "I' m not upset that your lamb followed you to school, Mary, but I would like to know how he got a better grade than you."

BATMAN'S MOTHER: "It' s a nice car, Bruce, but do you realize how much the insurance is going to be?"

GOLDILOCKS&# 39; MOTHER: "I' ve got a bill here for a busted chair from the Bear family. You know anything about this, Goldie?"

LITTLE MISS MUFFET'S MOTHER: "Well, all I've got to say is if you don't get off your tuffet and start cleaning your room, there'll be a lot more spiders around here!"

ALBERT EINSTEIN' S MOTHER: "But, Albert, it's your senior picture. Can't you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something... ?"

GEORGE WASHINGTON&# 39;S MOTHER: "The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!"

JONAH'S MOTHER: "That&# 39;s a nice story, but now tell me where you've really been for the last three days."

SUPERMAN' S MOTHER: "Clark, your father and I have discussed it, and we've decided you can have your own telephone line. Now will you quit spending so much time in all those phone booths?"

THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER: "Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb, Thomas. Now turn off that light and get to bed!"
Admin
Admin
Admin

Posts : 66673
Join date : 2008-10-25
Age : 75
Location : Wales UK

https://worldwidechristians.forumotion.com

Back to top Go down

Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 Empty Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Fri 29 Mar 2013, 12:47 am

A professor - an atheist - was teaching a college class and he told the class that he was going to prove that there is no a God.

He said, "God if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!"

Ten minutes went by. He kept taunting God, saying, "Here I am God, I'm still waiting"

He got down to the last couple of minutes and a BIG 240 pound football player happened to walk by the door and heard about what the professor said.

The football player walked in the classroom and in the last minute, he walked up, hit the professor full force, and sent him flying off the platform.

The professor got up, obviously shaken and said, "Where did you come from, and why did you do that?"

The football player replied, "God was busy. He sent me."
Admin
Admin
Admin

Posts : 66673
Join date : 2008-10-25
Age : 75
Location : Wales UK

https://worldwidechristians.forumotion.com

Back to top Go down

Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 Empty Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Wed 20 Mar 2013, 11:46 pm

Little Bobby was spending the weekend with his grandmother after a particularly trying week in kindergarten.

His grandmother decided to take him to the park on Saturday morning. It had been snowing all night and everything was beautiful.

His grandmother remarked, "Doesn't it look like an artist painted this scenery? Did you know God painted this just for you?"

Bobby said, "Yes, God did it and he did it left handed."

This confused his grandmother a bit, and she asked him "What makes you say God did this with his left hand?"

"Well," said Bobby, "we learned at Sunday School last week that Jesus sits on God's right hand."

…..Mikey's Funnies (funnies-owner@lists.MikeysFunnies.com) by way of "Christian Voices” (www.ChristianVoicesWorldwide.net)
Admin
Admin
Admin

Posts : 66673
Join date : 2008-10-25
Age : 75
Location : Wales UK

https://worldwidechristians.forumotion.com

Back to top Go down

Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 Empty Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Sat 16 Mar 2013, 7:59 pm

On the Lighter Side
A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to
preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand
my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."

The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his
sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He
wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Quite a few
hands went up.

The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only 16
chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin
of lying."
Admin
Admin
Admin

Posts : 66673
Join date : 2008-10-25
Age : 75
Location : Wales UK

https://worldwidechristians.forumotion.com

Back to top Go down

Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 Empty Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Thu 14 Mar 2013, 4:59 pm

Bear Hunting
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Australian are at a hunting camp. They each have their own bear to kill, with whatever weapons they can make. The Englishman makes a bow and arrow, and fires it between his bear's eyes.

The Scotsman, makes a spear throwing it perfectly to hit his bear between the eyes.

The Australian makes a weapon and hurls it towards his bear's eyes, but falls to the ground dead, instead of the bear.

After a while, the Englishman and Scotsman start to think the bear killed the Australian, until the Scotsman finds his body and asks the Englishman, "Why's there a boomerang in his head?

This reminded me of a song a very old one, Charlie Drake My boomerang won't come back. I just did a search and it was 1961 on a 45rpm the days of records. The days of clean fun records.
Here it is. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9AyotLiqJdg

A man is lost in the Sahara Desert (don't ask me why he went out into the desert!). He used up the last of his water three days ago and he's lying, gasping, on the sand, when in the distance he suddenly hears a voice calling, "Mush! Mush!"

Not trusting his ears he turns his head and there it is again, closer this time -- "Mush! Mush!" Propping himself up on one elbow he squints against the sun and sees, of all things, an Eskimo bundled up in furs driving a sled with a team of huskies across the dunes.

Thinking that it's a hallucination, he blinks and shakes his head, but it's for real! He painfully lifts one arm and in a cracked voice calls, "He-elp!"

The Eskimo pulls the sled up by him, the huskies panting in the heat, and he says to the Eskimo, "I don't know what you're doing here, or why, but thank God you are! I've been wandering around this desert for days, my water's all gone and I'm completely lost!"

The perspiring Eskimo looks down at him and says, "YOU'RE lost?!"


Admin
Admin
Admin

Posts : 66673
Join date : 2008-10-25
Age : 75
Location : Wales UK

https://worldwidechristians.forumotion.com

Back to top Go down

Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 Empty Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Tue 05 Mar 2013, 9:39 pm

My sister-in-law decided to go on a diet after a recent trip to the store with her grandson. They'd stopped in front of a pantyhose display, and, as she chose a package, he read out loud: "Q ... U ... E ... E ... N ... S ... I ... Z ... E.

Grandma!" he exclaimed, "You wear the same size as our waterbed!"

Trip to the Clinic
A client recently brought her two cats in to my husband's veterinary clinic for their annual checkup. One was a small-framed, round tiger-striped tabby, while the other was a long, sleek black cat.

She watched closely as I put each on the scale. "They weigh about the same," I told her.
"That proves it!" she exclaimed. "Black does make you look slimmer. And stripes make you look fat."
Admin
Admin
Admin

Posts : 66673
Join date : 2008-10-25
Age : 75
Location : Wales UK

https://worldwidechristians.forumotion.com

Back to top Go down

Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 Empty Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Sat 16 Feb 2013, 8:12 pm

A pastor and two of his deacons are out on the river fishing in their rowboat. Twelve o'clock rolls around, and one of the deacons notices a nice spot on the bank to have lunch. He turns to the others and says, "That looks like a nice spot for lunch. What do you say we have lunch over there?"

The other deacon agrees, and so does the pastor. The deacon stands up in the boat, steps out onto the river and walks over to the bank. The pastor looks on with amazement, and thinks to himself, if his deacon is holy enough to walk on water, surely he can.

The other deacon stands up, picks up the picnic basket, steps out of the boat, and walks over to the bank and sits with the first deacon. Again, to his amazement, the pastor thinks again, if his second deacon is holy enough to walk on water, surely he can.

The pastor stands up, steps out of the boat, and sinks into the water. The first deacon turns to the second and says, "Think we should have told him where the rocks are?"

YOU KNOW YOU'RE A MISSIONARY KID WHEN.....
~ You can't answer the question, "Where are you from?"
~ You have a passport, but no driver's license.
~ You watch National Geographic specials and recognize someone.
~ You have a time zone map next to your telephone.
~ You have friends from or in 29 different countries.

~ You do your devotions in another language.
~ You are grateful for the speed and efficiency of any postal service.
~ You wince when people mispronounce foreign words.
~ You realize what a small world it is, after all.
~ After a couple of years in one spot you're ready to move again.
~ You are afraid to ask what you're eating, but munch away with a smile on your face.

Read Bro.Larry' s amazing story of his winding road to redemption:
http://www.thelarry mullinaxministri es.com
Admin
Admin
Admin

Posts : 66673
Join date : 2008-10-25
Age : 75
Location : Wales UK

https://worldwidechristians.forumotion.com

Back to top Go down

Share your Jokes smiles here - Page 13 Empty Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

Page 13 of 23 Previous  1 ... 8 ... 12, 13, 14 ... 18 ... 23  Next

Back to top


 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum