Pinkfrogfreak

Ty very much, it really means a lot and I could REALLY use it right now. And I really liked that poem sort of thing. TY

I just ran into this in another posting , thought of you, and copied it to share with you. This also caused me to relate it to my own life as well. Read this a couple of times and I think it might help you some.I think it is wise to not only accept the things that are pleasant happenings in our lives, but also learn to accept some of the bad things as well. Our lives are a mixture of Both, good and bad. We need to remember that God is in control of ALL things that happen to us. Anyway.....I tend to ramble at times. Here is what I read that caused me to think of you. Hope these things help you as they help me in dealing with occurances in my own life.

South winds and North winds both blow upon the garden of our lives. The North winds represent the wintertime when it is cold, uncomfortable and very trying, the South winds represent a more pleasurable time when things do not seem as difficult. She realizes through the wisdom that God has placed within her that both the good and the hard times are necessary for her continued spiritual development. As much as we like the South winds of a more favorable time of life, the North winds serve much purpose. It is the North winds or the times of difficulty that really brings us to our knees and causes us to realize our suffiency is based solely upon the word of God. The North winds work things out in us that we never imagined possible until put to the test. It is when some incident transpires that in the flesh we would have a tendency to act contrary to what we know is right but find ourselves acting in an appropriate and acceptable manner.

I wrote this one time and think on it a lot.
THE TEARS THAT WE SHED TODAY WATER THE COMING GARDEN IN OUR Life TOMORROW.

Zerich

Pinkfrog, I would like to welcome you to the room.I admire you for your willingness to open up as much as you desire here in the forum. Tell you what, You will not be judged here and will only receive encouragement.Also you could not find a more encouraging, caring, or helpful lady anywhere than Elaine.Sometimes it just flat becomes too much for us to deal with alone.Life itself I am talking about. Only thing I am going to tell you is to not look back on the past anymore than you can help. Strive to look ahead and know that God Himself is there to walk beside you regardless what you have had to face in the past.I will also join Elaine in prayer for you.

Zerich

Wow! Things are such a horrible mess right now. These last few days have been very difficult, not to mention the last…many months. I have been carrying a heavy and broken heart and burden for some time and unable to share it with anyone. I did not feel that I could share it with anyone who knew me for fear of rejection and judgment. So instead I just kept everything to myself and delft with it by smoking pot so that I was numb from everything. In and or around May things became so complicated and difficult. This burden I have been carrying became so massive and infectious releasing its venom in me and causing me to break out in hives. Yet I still continued to try to deal with it on my own. Around Sept. the hives got much worse and in Oct. I was in the E.R. multiple times do to the hives. Do I find someone to talk to? Do I say enough is enough and unload? NO! I sill carry on, stuffing the burden, trying to sub-do the effects of the venom with medication and smoke another bowl to forget and not deal with anything. This last month and last couple of weeks it has been all I can do to keep going. I have become so sick physically, mentally, emotionally and have seriously considered just killing myself so that I could be free of everything.

A few nights ago I went into a Christian chat site and somehow struck up a conversation with Elaine who began to reach out and minister to me not even really knowing a thing about me. We ended up exchanging IM addys and talking on messenger. I do not really recall the particulars leading up to it but I was so desperate to talk to someone about this burden and my heart was crying our so badly for someone to talk to and so I totally let my guard down and began to tell this woman who I had just only met my deepest darkest secret. She then prayed with me, gave me some strong words of encouragement and talked me into talking to my therapist about it. The following day I went to therapy and shared with my counselor what I have been struggling with so much these last couple of months. The reason that I have been breaking out so badly with hives. And the reason that I have been smoking pot so much and now am considering taking my life over…

I have been in a same sex relationship for almost a year now. While confiding in Elaine online and divulging to my counselor has been freeing, it has also caused things to be more difficult for me now. I feel as though it has made me face the situating along with the different emotions that are attached to it; right wrong or indifferent I have a lot of mixed up emotions regarding this relationship:

Guilt: For allowing it to go on and not stopping before it got to the extreme that is has.

Hurt: Because I was and am just a really lost and broken little girl looking for love in all of the wrong places.

Angry: Because of how bad she rang me through the ringer and had my heart on a yo-yo.

Jealous: Of the relationship we once had and had hoped to have in the future.

Sick: Do to the dynamics of the relationship and the true gravity of the situation.

Upset: Because she is not only my mothers age but very much like my mother.

(this list of emotions are only a skim of how I really feel about this huge mess.)

TBC....

I could really use prayer as I have a very difficult road ahead of me.