Forgiveness

HERB-OF-THE-WEEK / Forgiveness

I hope and pray that everyone will have a healthy and prosperous
upcoming week. I also pray that you will be blessed spiritually with
an increased understanding of those things essential for your
well-being.


Forgiveness is an herb in the sense of it being a "fruit" of the
spirit. While the jury is still out on the specifics regarding the
long-term health benefits of forgiving others, forgiveness is agreed
upon in most all medical circles as being essential for "whole"
healing. We can easily extrapolate the results from documented
research in other areas. For instance, we do know that chronic stress
and anger can have negative effects on our overall health.
"Unforgiveness is a form of stress," says Dr. Worthington. "If we
maintain this for a long time, we're going to experience
cardiovascular disorders, stress-related disorders, and maybe
anger-related disorders and fear-related disorders as well."


If physical health isn't enough to convince you to consider
forgiveness, consider the mental benefits. Put simply, unforgiveness
just doesn't feel good. "It's really not a good state of mind," says
Welshons. "In the end, you suffer even more." In other words,
unforgiveness can hurt you more than it hurts the object of your
emotions. Nine times out of ten, he or she could care less.


Being unforgiving forces us to look through dirty contaminated glasses
on a 24 hour/daily basis. Alternatively, forgiveness offers us a peace
of mind.

WHAT IS FORGIVENESS?

A big mistake is the old "PEOPLE TAKE MY KINDNESS FOR WEAKNESS"
delimna. Forgiveness and compassion should never include continued
abuse, accomodation or ENABLING.

Forgiveness has nothing to do with condoning an action of another.

It doesn't mean that you approve of someone's actions or condone their
behavior. "There's a big difference between forgiving someone and
condoning what they've done," says Margaret Paul, PhD, lecturer and
author of Do I Have to Give Up Me to Be Loved by God?

Forgiveness doesn't mean that you continue to subject yourself to
abusive behavior, nor do you have to agree to spend time with the
person you are forgiving.


It may be that in order to protect yourself physically and/or
psychologically, you have to distance yourself from the other person.
You can do so and still forgive, says Welshons.


(((So if forgiveness isn't about reconciliation and it isn't about
excusing behavior, what is it about?))

IN A WORD.... COMPASSION.... IN THE FORM OF MERCY AND GRACE.


1. Consider probable causes. (An abuser usually has been abused.) Be
aware that many times bad behavoior is the result of some deep-seated
pain or even a defense mechanism of the offender.

2. The offender also **MAY** experience pain because of the thing he
or she did. This is not always true of course. But the whole idea is
to not give the ofender control over our reactions, but to be
PRO-active in forgiving them.

3. The offender was trying to fulfill some need, want or desire. The
negative behaviors with hidden, unconscious POSOTIVE INTENTIONS are
the ones that are difficult to detect, let alone stop.

4. If there was ANY positive intent, acknowledge it. For instance, I
always felt my dad was very critical, but I know the intent was not to
hurt me. He just had high ideals for me.

5 You don't have to forget the experience. That is not required.


****************************

WHAT WORKS FOR ME IS REALIZING THAT I HAVE NOT BEEN REWARDED FOR ALL
OF MY OFFENSES... YET I HAVE GOTTEN MANY, MANY THINGS THAT I HAVE NOT
DESERVED.

THINK:

1.
WHAT MAKES ME SO MUCH BETTER THAN THE OTHER 80% OF THE WORLDS
POPULATION THAT LIVES IN DISEASE RIDDEN, FILTH, SQUALOR OR EVEN JUST
ABJECT POVERTY? I HARDLY THINK THAT I AM SOMEHOW MORALLY SUPERIOR ARE
THAT THEY ALL SOMEHOW DESERVE IT.

2.
DO I HAVE THE LUXURY OR EVEN THE AUDACITY TO LOOK UPON OTHERS AS IF I
DON'T HAVE A FEW REGRETS AND EVEN SKELETONS HIDDEN IN MY CLOSET?

3.
IF I AM ONE OF THESE PEOPLE THAT PRAY FOR GOD TO FORGIVE ME MY DEBTS
AND TRESPASSES **AS** I FORGIVE OTHERS WHO HAVE TRESPASED AGAINST
ME... THEN I HAVE SET CONDITIONS FOR MY OWN FORGIVENESS. IT IS
PROPORTIONAL TO HOW I FORGIVE. IT BEHOOVES ME THEN, TO FORGIVE BECAUSE
MY VERY OWN AMOUNT OF GRACE AND MERCY IS DEPENDENT UPON IT.

**********************


FORGIVENESS IS BEING MERCIFUL AND GRACIOUS TO OTHERS TO THE EXTENT IN
WHICH IT HAS BEEN GRANTED (SUPERNATURALLY OR LUCKILY) TO US.

MERCY:
NOT GETTING WHAT WE DESERVE.

GRACE:
GETTING WHAT WE DON'T DESERVE.



So perhaps you're ready to forgive your parents for their over-zealous
punishments, your ex for dumping you, or your next-door neighbor for
stealing your newspaper every morning. Is that it?

Unfortunately, it's usually not that simple. "As a rule, it doesn't
happen in the blink of an eye," says Welshons.

In most cases forgiveness is a process rather than an instantaneous
decision. This is especially true when the hurt is deep-seated or
especially severe. "If you've got a giant, humongous thing to forgive,
it's probably going to take a long time," says Dr. Worthington. In
addition to taking time, forgiveness is also going to take work. Dr.
Paul and Welshons agree that individuals need to take responsibility
for themselves and their actions, and to concentrate on creating their
own happiness rather than looking outside for fulfillment.
"Forgiveness is a natural outcome of doing our own inner work," says
Dr. Paul.

Though it may take time, don't get discouraged. Research shows that if
you work at it, you will get better at forgiving. Dr. Worthington
says, "The longer that a person works to empathically forgive, the
more forgiveness they feel."


<<<<<IT IS IMPORTANT TO YOUR HEALTH>>>>>


But why take my word for it?


By good utilization of search engine technology, we can look up
information as in depth as we desire in our own free time. As we
mention all the time, with every post, that you can research anything
mentioned in this newsletter on your own. Some good search engines are
www.mamma.com or www.google.com. or www.dogpile.com or
www.askjeeves.com ...etc. By entering one or more keywords you can do
your own research.


Until next time remember .... most illness (upwards of 80% according
to experts) can be attributed to FOUR important factors that can
weaken your immune system and your ability to fight off disease:


1. Anxiety, depression, anger, resentment, guilt and other STRESS
factors
2. Improper and/or inadequate NUTRITION habits
3. A sedentary lifestyle that does not include enough EXERCISE
4. Not enough rest and quality SLEEP time

The United States Surgeon General warned Americans in a landmark 1988
report on Nutrition and Health that "diet related diseases account for
68% of U.S. deaths"


Remember, we ALWAYS recommend that you ALWAYS consult a professional
herbalist, naturopathologist or physician. We are just passing along
what we hope to be useful information.

Be aware that the U.S. Food and Drug Administration does not strictly
regulate herbs and dietary supplements. There is no guarantee of
strength, purity or safety of products. Decisions to use herbs or
supplements should be carefully considered. Individuals using
prescription drugs should discuss taking herbs or supplements with
their pharmacists or health care providers before starting.

Bye-Bye,

Q