Diary of Hell

Diary of Hell
Michelle Molina
Oct 8, 2009


"God will neither expect nor desire his blessing

without exertion; for
it has always been God's way to crown only those that

run the race that is
set before them, and fight the good fight of faith." ~

William Jay
1769-1853


DIARY OF HELL
Day 1
This has to be a mistake but I don't know where to

go for help. I am
not supposed to be here. Hell was not my destiny. It is

all a mistake.

I'm a good person. I've never hurt anyone. I've been

a member of my
church for as long as I can remember. I tithed and

helped build the
recreation center. I even taught Vacation Bible School

the summer the
regular teacher was ill. How can I, of all people, be in

this place?

I can't get tired. I want to go to sleep to escape this

for a little
while. If sleep were even possible here, I think the

screams would keep me
awake.

I wish the screaming would stop.

The pain is too much to bear. I've never known fear

like this. I
thought the bad times I had on earth without peace

were like Hell, but I was
wrong. The complete absence of the presence of God is

more than
unbearable.it is Hell.

Day 2
A man came in today that was screaming that it was

a mistake. He
sounded like me yesterday. He was a deacon or an

elder or something like
that. Someone must be messing up bad somewhere to

send us here.

I wish the screaming would stop.

My tongue feels like I ate dust mixed with hot sauce.

It's dry and on
fire. There's no water here. I am told this feeling is

normal but is unable
to be quenched. How is this possible?

People filter in all day. Sometimes a lot, sometimes

a trickle, but
they are always coming.

I wish the screaming would stop.

Day 3
Or at least I think this is the third day. I have no

sense of time
here. I saw Hitler and asked him what day this was. He

screamed this was his
third day. How is that possible? He has been dead for

over fifty years? How
can he think it is his third day? Perhaps there is no time

here. I will
continue to amuse myself with this diary until I am

called to heaven.I know
it has to happen.

I wish the screaming would stop.

I helped the Mission's Department raise money. I did

anything that was
asked of me. Sure, I had some vices, but who doesn't? I

cheated on my income
taxes sometimes, but the government had it coming.

They take too much from
us hard workers! Then I peeked at a little pornography

every now and then.
Surely Jesus would understand. He is a very loving God

and the good I do
must outweigh the bad.

I remember that evangelist that came to our church!

Whew! He spoke on
the damnation of our souls.like that could happen to

any good person. He
said God would never send anyone to Hell. I even

"Amened" him on that point.
Then he said that only we, individually, could do that by

refusing to
repent. A bit heavy on that "holiness stuff" considering

we live in the 21st
century. We are an advanced and intellectual people.

We don't worship idols
of stone, so what could God really care if we give Him

our time on Sundays
and some Wednesdays and live the rest of the time

taking care of ourselves?
Is that really bad? I think not.

I wish the screaming would stop.

Too many people are screaming and I can't think

anymore.

Day 4
Or so I think. At least it makes me feel better to

make these day
breaks for myself.

Wait.there is a pull drawing me upward! Yes! I knew I

would get out of
here. Finally. Someone realized their mistake. This is

the first time in
what seems like an eternity that I am not in pain. I feel

peace again. God
must be near. There is light all around. And a throne.so

big and shining
white. The singing is so beautiful!

I still hear that screaming.

My name is called. God must want to apologize for

this horrible
mistake. I walk up to Him. Should I bow?

I cannot look at His eyes. They are like blue-white

flames of fire.
Beautiful, but so much purity there. Can anyone look at

those eyes and not
feel dread?

I look down and feel such shame. My clothes are so

dirty. Perhaps it
was that awful place I just came from that has done

this. I see those on the
other side of the vast room we are in. Their clothes,

robes really, are so
beautiful. They look white, but not like any white I have

ever seen. Almost
iridescent - they shimmer like diamonds in the sun. The

sheer beauty of
those robes has me captivated. Until I hear His voice.

He calls my name.

I try to look up, but again can't. Suddenly, my life

flashes through
me and I know that God is seeing this scene play out as

well. It is the time
I slandered that man of God who made me so mad. I just

couldn't help myself.
I hear again the words I spoke that day. The judgments

I pronounced.

Next were the days at work and the adult magazines

I would sneak a
peek at.

Then came the way I looked at some people, with

very lustful thoughts.
Who could blame me after seeing those pictures? Was

the Bible serious about
that "looking to lust being the same as doing it"

scripture? Surely not in
our day and age!

Then came the altar calls. There were a lot of those.

All those
preachers pleading with those with hidden sin in their

lives to come and
repent, to turn away from those things that were

separating us from Christ
and start over with Him. There were a lot of those. I saw

them all replayed.
I keep waiting, hoping that I am going to get up and

walk down there. In the
holiness of this room I now stand in, I know that my sin

needed to be
forgiven. But I know I am not going to get up. I never

did.

Frame after frame kept coming up. I tried to stop

it.make my mind see
or think of something else. But they all kept rolling. The

secrets, the
anger, the jealousy, the bitterness. What I thought was

acceptable in my
mortal life I now knew were as unacceptable as God

had always said they were
in His word. Why had I not listened?

Suddenly, fear gripped me again. I began to realize

that in Hell I had
never been in the wrong place. I had lived in deception.

I had believed that
a loving God would accept me, as I was, if I just lived

some of His ways. I
never killed with my hands...though now I knew I had

with my tongue and my
heart. I had never committed adultery with my body, but

I had many times in
my mind and in my heart. I had never verbally rejected

living life as His
child, but in my actions, I had left Him years ago.

I fall down on my face and cry out for mercy. Then

God spoke:

"I created you and had such wonderful plans for you.

Even as you
strayed, I continued to send messengers to you to call

you back to Me. I
wooed you through worship. I tugged at your heart in

your dreams. I called
you in your conscience day and night. But each time I

came, you rejected me.
You listened to the voice that said what you did was

good enough. But your
sin had separated us. You no longer felt my peace or my

conviction. You
blamed others for your struggles but never looked at

your heart.

"I looked at your heart everyday of your life. I

desired to cleanse
you and make you whole again. Restoring to you the joy

of the salvation you
left behind in order to live your way. Your church

attendance and good works
were done to appease the drawing, the conviction you

felt, but you would
never surrender to Me. Now it is too late."

I heard the pain in His voice. Can God cry? Did my

choices really do
this to Him. Hurt Him? Cause Him this much pain? Was it

the life I led or
what I dreaded He was about to say that made Him cry?

Or both?

"Depart from me.." It began to echo through the

room. Heaven had
fallen silent.

I heard the screams again. I felt the darkness

around me again.
Finally, I caught a reflection of the one who was

screaming so loudly.

It was me.

Living for the Call,
Michelle Molina

Through today's devotional, I ask you to search your

heart. Do you
need God to revive you; to cleanse from you any thing

that is staining your
soul? Is there secret sin in your life that you think you

will be able to
slip into heaven with - perhaps you think God will

overlook it considering
all the good you do? Sin is anything that Jesus would

not do - is there
anything in your life that falls into that category? Is your

conscience
replaying things to you now that needs to be under the

blood of Jesus?

1 John 1:9 says that if you will confess you sin, God

is faithful to
cover it under the blood and restore you. Confess and

turn from it. God
waits, in Heaven today, for your response. He is calling

you back to
Himself; back from lukewarm living that will condemn

your soul. He is
calling. How will you answer? Will you have a shining

white robe or will you
be recalling this very moment in heaven with regret?

Return to Him and be
made white again.

"Dear Father, I come to you today in the name of

your Son, Jesus
Christ. I stand in need of forgiveness. I have been living

in sin - living
for myself. I repent and turn away from that today.

Cleanse my soul and make
me pure again. Restore the joy of my salvation and

renew a right spirit
within me. I forsake the wickedness and will not turn to

it again. I am
sorry. I need you to be the Lord and Savior of my life.

Thank you for
cleansing me in the blood of Jesus. Amen."

Your sister in Christ,
Michelle