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Bob Humour Empty Re: Bob Humour

Post  Admin Fri 22 Sep 2023, 11:23 pm

Spelling

A sixth grade class is doing some spelling drills.

The teacher asks Tommy if he can spell 'before.'

He stands up and says, "Before, B-E-P-H-O-R."

The teacher says, "No, that's wrong. Can anyone else spell before?"

Another little boy stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-O-R."

Again the teacher says, "No, that's wrong." The

teacher asks, "Little Johnny, can you spell 'before'?"

Little Johnny stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-R-E."

"Excellent Johnny, now can you use it in a sentence?"

Little Johnny says, "That's easy. Two plus two be fore."

*************************************************
Wish

Two friends are chatting...

"I will give one million dollars to the person who will fulfill my wish.

"What is your wish?

"That somebody would give me two million dollars.”

......Above Humor by Patricia Kaine (docsdailychuckle@welovegod.org) by way of Christian Voices (christianvoices@att.net)

******************************************************************************

Life is inherently risky. There is only one big risk you should

avoid at all costs, and that is the risk of doing nothing.

- Denis Waitley

******************************************************************************

THOUGHT PROVOKING / INSPIRATIONAL

Charity in Belief

“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised

Is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward

love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are

in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more

as you see the Day approaching.” Hebrews 10: 23-25 NIV

Gathering together as Christians at church, in small groups, in Bible Study, or in Christian fellowship is important for the strengthening and maintaining of our faith. Christians learn from each other and hold each other accountable in living Jesus’ way. Sharing Christian treasures and insights is a continuing joy for the faithful. Continual fellowship with other Christians helps us to maintain a spirit of love and cooperation.

And in this time of issues, issues, issues, the balancing wisdom of a gathering of Christian believers is essential in maintaining a kindly outlook towards others who disagree with our beliefs. This is not to say that we force or bully others into submissive cordiality. Instead balanced Christian discussion that airs different ideas and points-of-view Biblically based can give us tempering thoughtfulness and a guide for the formation and dissemination of our ideas. As Christians, no matter how strong our beliefs and ideas, we need to share with others in a spirit of love. Pounding others forcefully with a belligerent version of Bible truth is likely to have the opposite outcome we desire. The Lord may smile at our zeal but regret our hostile aggressive force.

An old country saying used to point out “that you catch more flies with honey” than say vinegar. While we do not want to expound “sugared” down Christianity, we do want to share with calmness, peace, and love, respecting the individuality of others and praying for their Christian growth.

…… Mary-Ellen Grisham (eternal_ink@associate.com) by way of Christian Voices (christianvoices@att.net)

*****************************************************
Create. Not for the money. Not for the fame. Not for the recognition.

But for the pure joy of creating something and sharing it.

Ernest Barbaric

******************************************************

PRAYERS

Over the years I have said many prayers to God, and I haven’t always gotten the answers I wanted. When I was a little boy, I prayed for my lost dog, Duke, to come back home but he never did. When I was in high school, I prayed that I would become a big football star, but God had other plans. In college I prayed to become a huge success and be both rich and famous. Thirty years later I am still waiting on that one. When I married, I prayed that my children would be healthy, happy, and smart. Yet, my two sons were both born with Autism and mental retardation.

While they are often happy, every day is still a struggle for them. As my sons were growing up, I prayed time and time again for God to heal them and make them normal. Instead, He used them to heal my own soul and teach me patience, acceptance, and love.

What I have learned from all of these unanswered prayers is that what we most want isn’t always what we most need. We muddle through this world trying to find purpose and love. God, however, sees the vast tapestry of our lives and how our patterns connect with the lives of countless others. God also sees clearly where we have been and where we are going. He lovingly guides us on our eternal path of growth and answers the prayers that most strengthen our souls and help us to love.

Losing Duke helped me to open my heart to the love of many other dogs and people. It also helped me to deal better with the later deaths of my Mom, Nana, and Dad. Being a football star in high school would have been horrible for me. My ego needed shrinking and my kindness needed growing. Being a bench warmer did both. As for being a big success in the eyes of the world, I think God thought it more important that I become a success in the eyes of Heaven first.

While my two sons were never healed of their Autism, they have become a light in my life that brings love to my heart and joy to my days. They continue to teach me and all those they meet lessons on living and loving that are priceless.

I have found too that my prayers have changed a lot over the years. Now instead of asking for things I want I ask God to help me to do His will and to be the person He meant for me to be. My main two prayers are “Thank you God for my life” and “Please help all of us to Love.”

May all of your prayers lead you to greater faith, greater joy, and greater oneness with God. May all of your prayers strengthen you on your journey through this life and into the next. May all of your prayers connect you forever with Love.

…… Joseph J. Mazzella (joemazzella@frontier.com) by way of 'Christian Voices' (christianvoices@att.net))

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Bob Humour Empty Re: Bob Humour

Post  Admin Mon 31 Jul 2023, 8:51 pm

A Christian Outreach Ministry Designed To Place
Uplifting "Sonshine" In Your Day
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
July 29, 2023
 
 
 
Bad Customer Service 

I experienced the WORST customer service the other day at a store in town. I don't want to mention the name of the store because I'm not sure how I'm going to proceed.

Wednesday evening I bought something from this store. I paid cash for it. I took it home and found out it didn't work. So yesterday, less than 24 hours later I took it back to the store and asked if I could get a refund. The girl in the store told me NO even though I still had the receipt. I asked if I could get a replacement instead then. Again this person told me "NO." I asked to talk to a manager now as I'm really not happy and I explained that I had just bought the item, had got it home and it didn't work. The manager just smiled and told me to my face that I was "OUT OF LUCK." No refund. No FREE replacement. Grrrrrrrrr. 
 
I'll tell you what...I am NEVER buying another Lottery Ticket from there again ...
 
An Architect & A Mechanic
An architect watched a mechanic remove engine parts from his car to get to the valves. A surgeon, waiting for his car to be repaired, walked over to observe the process. After they introduced themselves, they began talking, and the talk turned to their lines of work.




"You know, doctor," said the architect, "I sometimes believe this type of work is as complicated as the work we do."




"Perhaps," the surgeon replied. "But let's see him do it while the engine is running." 
 


……Above Humor by Patricia Kaine (docsdailychuckle@welovegod.org) by way of ‘Christian Voices’ (christianvoices@att.net)





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We can no longer go on living mediocre or lukewarm lives. We need to


become the person God created us to be. . - Dan DeMatte






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THOUGHT PROVOKING / INSPIRATIONAL


 


DON'T SETTLE FOR SECOND BEST


 


The story is told of a professor who stood before his class of 20 senior organic biology students, about to hand out the final exam.


 


"I want to say that it's been a pleasure teaching you this semester. I know you've all worked extremely hard and many of you are off to medical school after summer. So that no one gets their GPA messed up because they might have been celebrating a bit too much this week, anyone who would like to opt out of the final exam today will receive a "B" for the course."


 


There was much rejoicing amongst the class as students got up, passed by the professor to thank him and sign out on his offer. As the last taker left the room, the professor looked out over the handful of remaining students and asked, "Anyone else? This is your last chance." One final student rose up and took the offer.


 


The professor closed the door and took attendance of those students remaining. "I'm glad to see you believe in yourself." he said. "You all have "A's."


 


Too often, we're content to settle for second best. A lot of students would be thrilled to settle for a "B" ("That's better than I usually get." "That's doing better than most of the others I know."). And most students, I think, would rather get a "B" with little time spent studying, than to make the effort it takes to get an "A".


 


A lot of us are content to settle for second best in our spiritual lives as well. We're close to God (at least closer than many people we know), but we aren't willing to take the time and the effort to have the kind of relationship we know God wants us to have.


 


The biggest problem with settling for second best is that we miss out on that which is best.


 


"As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, 'Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!' 'Martha, Martha,' the Lord answered, 'you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.' " (Luke 10:42)


 


What Martha was doing was good (second best, even), but "Mary has chosen what is better." May we always seek out and choose "what is better" in our relationship with God! Have a great day! 


 


……Alan Smith (www.cruciformcoc.com) by way of Christian Voices (christianvoices@att.net)






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IT COULD HAPPEN


 


"Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall."


— Proverbs 16:18


 


The Christian life is a life of constant growth and transformation in which we are becoming more like Jesus. And the moment we fail to go forward spiritually is the moment we potentially begin to backslide. In fact, the word "backsliding" is used a number of times in the Bible.


 


Through the prophet Jeremiah, God told the wayward nation of Israel, "Return, you backsliding children, and I will heal your backslidings" (Jeremiah 3:22).


 


The Bible also tells us that one of the signs of the end times, of the last days, is that people will fall away from the faith. No one has ever backslidden overnight. You don't call up your Christian friend and say, "Hey, you want to backslide tonight?" No. Backsliding is a series of steps that always lead a person downhill.


 


We all have the potential to do it. As the old hymn, "Come Thou Fount," says,


 


Prone to wander—Lord, I feel it—


Prone to leave the One I love;


Here's my heart—O take and seal it,


Seal it for They courts above.


 


Just as sheep have a tendency to go astray, we do, too. So, we have to constantly keep up our guard. We have to constantly be moving forward spiritually.


 


The first step down in any backslide is self-confidence and pride. The Bible says, "Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall" (Proverbs 16:18).


 


For example, maybe you are playing a game of tennis, and you are beating your opponent. Then maybe you get a little cocky, a little self-assured. And suddenly you start losing. It happens in all things in life. And it certainly happens in the spiritual life.


 


So here is what we need to know about ourselves: We always can fall. Don't ever think it couldn't happen to you. Because it could.


 


……as seen in Daily Devotion with Greg Laurie by way of Cup O’Cheer (cheer316kim@sc.rr.com) and                          (Christian Voices (christianvoices@att.net)


 


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HERE'S SOME VERY IMPORTANT INFORMATION THAT COULD ANSWER


QUESTIONS OR INQUIRIES YOU MAY HAVE.


  


1 – When you send us your email address to subscribe, that information becomes protected. We do not, trade, sell, provide or in any way give email addresses to anyone except as provided for in the following paragraph


 


2 – Yes, you may use material from ‘Christian Voices’, but only with the following conditions: (a) You must include the Bio/Author line that is included with the material (due to copyright infringement and penalty), and (b) the material may only be used for non-profit/non-commercial use. If you are in any doubt of have any questions, please contact christianvoices@att.net prior to use of the material.


 


3 – To 'UNSUBSCRIBE’ or 'CHANGE EMAIL ADDRESS' please contact Christian Voices directly at christianvoices@att.net.


 


4 - Subscriptions to 'Christian Voices' are FREE; however, we do have costs in operating this ministry. Contributions are always welcome and appreciated throughout the year. Contributions may be sent to: 


Christian Voices, P.O. Box 1002, La Vergne TN   37086.


They may be personal or business checks, money orders or cash. Donations may also be made through PayPal to Christian Voices. All contributions and donations are generally tax-free (the same as to your church).


 


“Christian Voices" is recognized by the Internal Revenue Service as a religious


organization and is exempt from Federal income tax in accordance with section


501(c)(3) of the Internal Revenue Code. Christian Voices is also exempt from


from State of Tennessee sales tax.







ON A PERSONAL NOTE
Today my Physical Therapist no longer works here and is preparing a relocation out of state and she will be missed. She helped me make the transition from wheelchair to walker, walker to a rolator (probably not correct spelling), and from the rolator to a cane. I hardly use a cane at home and am beginning not to use it all the time when going out to eat, etc. I can work in our yard somewhat and I'm driving some again. She had the expertise and great PATIENCE to help me get through those things with great effort on both of our parts. However, I do believe that I have reached a plateau because the muscles, tendons, nerve endings, etc. have not healed and grown back as I had expected they would and I still have trouble walking and with stairs. It's been a year now.






I do thank everyone who sent cards, letters and notes, some of whom still inquire how I'm doing. All the communications are truly appreciated.






My wife, Mary, truly is an angel. I would never have made it this far without her loving care and understanding. I'm a tremendously blessed man who definitely married "up" 64 years ago this November.






Christian Voices is stil continuing and I have no plans to discontinue it yet. I enjoy doing it and reading the incoming mail. Sometimes there's more mail (email & postal) from outside the U.S. than within. Thank you to all who write. I'd like to continue CV to make 30 years. I lost about a year due my spinal surgery so I still have about Christmas of 2025 for my 30, at then age 87. Blessings! ......Bob




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Bob Humour Empty Re: Bob Humour

Post  Admin Sun 28 May 2023, 11:29 pm

Wife Was Mad at Me

Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives.

One signs to the other, 'Boy was my wife mad at me last night. She went on and on and wouldn't stop!'

The other Buddy says, 'When my wife goes off on me, I just don't listen.'

'How do you do that?' says the other.

'It's easy! I turn off the light!'

……Patricia Kaine (pkaine@cox.net) by way of ‘Christian Voices’ (christianvoices@att.net)
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Bob Humour Empty Re: Bob Humour

Post  Admin Tue 11 Apr 2023, 11:54 pm

HUMOR

TALE

My husband, Michael, and I were at a restaurant with his boss, a rather stern older man. When Michael began a tale, which I was sure he had told before, I gave him a kick under the table. There was no response, so I gave him another poke. Still the story went on. Suddenly he stopped, grinned and said, "Oh, but I've told you this one before, haven't I?"

We all chuckled and changed the subject. Later, on the dance floor, I asked my husband why it had taken him so long to get my message.

"What do you mean?" he replied. "I cut the story off as soon as you kicked me."

"But I kicked you twice and it still took you awhile to stop!"

Suddenly we realized what had happened. Sheepishly we returned to our table.

The boss smiled and said, "Don't worry. After the second kick I figured it wasn't for me, so I passed it along!"

First Flight

In order to alleviate some of her concerns before the flight, Jess had told his daughter Hannah, age six what to expect on her first airplane ride, including the effects of the pressurized cabin.

She handled the flight well, but as the plane descended on its final approach, Hannah complained that she couldn't hear very well.

Jess told her to yawn, which she did.

Suddenly she beamed and said in wonder, "Daddy, when I opened my mouth, my ears turned on!"
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Bob Humour Empty Re: Bob Humour

Post  Admin Sat 01 Apr 2023, 3:32 pm

HUMOR

Carpenter Set

When our grandson Thomas was 5 years old, his grandpa thought it would be a good idea to give him a carpenter's set for his birthday. Grandpa finally found a nice carpenter's set that included a hammer, crewdriver, etc. but there was no handsaw.

Undaunted, Grandpa bought a small hacksaw to include with the gift.

A couple of months later, Grandpa phoned grandson Thomas. He said, "Thomas, how are you enjoying your carpenter's set?"

There was a very long pause at the other end of the line. Then he heard Thomas holler, "Daaaaaaad! When do I get my saw back?"

……Mikey's Funnies (funnies-owner@lists.mikeysfunnies.com (by way of ‘Christian Voices’ (christianvoices@att.net)


Night Out Dancing

A husband, who is not the most outgoing guy, relents to his wife's months of nagging to take her out dancing. During the evening one guy on the dance floor is giving it large - break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works.

Seeing this performance, the wife turns to her husband and says "See that guy? Twenty-five years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."

Her husband replies, "Looks like he's still celebrating!!!"

……Patricia Kaine MD (pakaine49@gmail.com) by way of ‘Christian Voices’ (christianvoices@att.net)
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Bob Humour Empty Re: Bob Humour

Post  Admin Thu 16 Mar 2023, 10:03 pm

POSITION TO PRAY

Three preachers sat discussing the best positions for prayer, while a telephone repairman worked nearby.

"Kneeling is definitely best," claimed one.
"
No," another contended. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven."

"You're both wrong," the third insisted. "The most effective prayer position is lying prostrate, face down on the floor."

The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Gentlemen," he interrupted, "the best praying I ever did was hanging upside down from a telephone pole."

……Patricia Kaine (docsdailychuckle@associate.com) by way of ‘ChristianVoices’ (christianvoices@att.net)

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Bob Humour Empty Re: Bob Humour

Post  Admin Thu 16 Mar 2023, 10:00 pm


March 11, 2023



HUMOR


GOOD HUMOR

At a fancy dinner party, one of the women mentioned that her ancestry went back to Alexander the Great. When she turned to the woman sitting next to her and asked, “How far back does your ancestry go?”

The woman replied, “All our records were lost in the Flood.”

……Submitted by a reader by way of ‘Christian Voices’ (christianvoices@att.net)
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Bob Humour Empty Re: Bob Humour

Post  Admin Thu 22 Dec 2022, 8:54 pm

Brother Bob
HUMOR
 
SNOW
 
It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom. “Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing.”

Twenty minutes later there was another announcement “Willl the twelve hundred students who went to move 26 cars please return to class.”

Patricia Kaine (Doc's Daily Chuckle) by way of 'Christian Voices' (christianvoices@att.net)

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Bob Humour Empty Bob Humour

Post  Admin Mon 17 Oct 2022, 7:00 pm

[size=48] CHRISTIAN VOICES    
[/size]
THOUGHT PROVOKING - INSPIRATIONAL – HUMOR - FIT FOR THE ENTIRE FAMILY
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    Founded January 1995     PUBLISHED FOR 26 YEARS     Federal & State Registered
 
 
All received address changes and new subscriber addresses have been posted. Don’t hesitate to send me reminders if I missed any. …….Bob 
 
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***********************************************


 
Picking Up Clothes    


Weary of constantly picking clothes up from the floor of her son's room, a mother finally laid down the law. Each item of clothing she had to pick up would cost her son 25 cents.

By the end of the week, he owed her $1.50. She received the money promptly, along with a 50-cent tip and a note that read:

 
"Thanks, Mom. Keep up the good work!"
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……Pat Kaine (Doc’s Daily Chuckle) Always Clean Humor Laughter is the Best Medicine by way of ‘Christian Voices’ (christianvoices@att.net)
 

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"Life Happens"

 
I've heard the phrase, "Life Happens" several times lately and have more than once seen it used as an excuse for not doing what the person knew they should be doing. One family told me that they had always intended on being involved in church, but "life happened" and for the past 40 years they had just been too busy to attend.

 
Perhaps what folks really mean when they say "life happens,"

that there is a change of priorities in their lives, but that happens to all of us doesn't it?

 
This past week we just finished a great Vacation Bible School with our church. It was full of youth and enthusiasm and in general recharged the spirits of all who were involved, but it also took its toll physically. The day the VBS ended I started getting sick. It just so happened that I had a doctors appointment for my yearly physical in which everything came out great, except for the fact that I was beginning to get sick. The doctor did prescribe medication for me which was a good thing, because the next day I became really sick with a throat and bronchial infection. I told my wife, "I don't have time to be sick," but that wasn't true, I had to make time to be sick, because "life happened," to me. My priorities had to change and instead of ministering to others, I had to be ministered to.

 
Priorities are funny things, because they do change. We have our plans, our goals, and our priorities in a certain order. We may not write them down, we may just hold them in our minds, but each of us has them. Some folks are so rigid in their lives that if "life happens" they are destroyed, others just go with life, rearrange things and move on.

 
In our 45 years of marriage my wife and I have changed some of our priorities, we have adjusted to opportunities and challenges through the years because it's true, "life happens." However, one priority has never changed. Our number one priority is that of serving God. All of our other priorities revolve around that one key priority. That priority is the key that gives our lives stability and purpose.

 
That's why when someone calls or comes by when it is time for us to go and meet with our church family there is no conflict in our minds. We know our priorities. When some difficulty or tragedy happens in life there is never a question as to how this will affect our relationship to God, because we know our priorities.

 
Yes, life happens to each and every one of us, but if you have your priorities right, your spiritual house built on the solid foundation, life will happen, but it will not change what is truly important in your life. Jesus put it this way: "Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not all, because it had its foundation on the rock." (Matthew 7:24-25)

 
……Russ Lawson, Messages From The Heart "Life Happens" by way of Kim Quiggle (cheer316kim@sc.rr.com) and ‘Christian Voices” (christianvoices@att.net).

 
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                                     HAPPY IN THIS IN LIFE

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"How can you be happy in this life?" That was the question at the end of the letter. It was sent by a troubled, young woman who had read another of my stories on the internet. She had written about how she had tried all the ways popular in this world to find happiness. She had spent money, gambled, had casual sex, and tried both drugs and alcohol. All of it had only left her with pain in her heart and longing in her soul.


I answered her simply and honestly with these words. I am happy when I watch the birds flying towards the setting sun and thank God for the day. I am happy when I pet a purring cat or a devoted dog. I am happy when I eat a simple, healthy, home cooked meal. I am happy when I hear an uplifting song and sing along. I am happy when I read a story that touches my heart. I am happy when I share a smile and find it returned. I am happy when I walk my dogs on a starry night and find the man in the moon smiling down on me. I am happy when I hear the birds singing in the trees on the first day of Spring. I am happy when I see a butterfly floating by my head or feasting on a dandelion. I am happy when I sip a glass of iced tea on a hot Summer’s day. I am happy when I breath in the fresh, clean air after a soaking rainfall. I am happy when I smell the Cherry blossoms on the trees in the Spring and the freshly fallen leaves in the Fall. I am happy when I hug my daughter and hear my sons’ laughter. I am happy when I do a simple act of kindness that helps another. I am happy when I share a kind word and I am happy when I receive one. I am happy when I see the goodness in other people, when I see their happiness shining in their faces, and when I help to bring that goodness and happiness out of them.


Most of all I am happy when I love. I am happy when I welcome God’s love into my heart and share my love with Him in return. I am happy when I love myself and when I love everyone as myself. You see, when you love you will truly be happy in this life, and when you love you will build an eternal happiness in the next. Then I wished her happiness just as I am wishing you now. May all of your days be full of love and full of joy.


……Joseph J. Mazzella (Joemazzella@frontier.com) by way of ‘’Christian Voices’ (christianvoices@att.net)


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IMPORTANT INFORMATION
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 TO "UNSUBSCRIBE", "CHANGE EMAIL ADDRESS, PLEASE CONTACT CHRISTIAN VOICES DIRECT AT CHRISTIAN VOICES, PO BOX 1002, LA VERGNE, TN 37086. OR CHRISTIANVOICES@ATT.NET
                      
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********************************************************************************** 

 
Contributions are always welcome and appreciated and

may be postal mailed directly to:

Christian Voices, P.O. Box 1002, La Vergne, Tennessee 37086.

 
They may be in the form of personal or business checks, money orders or cash,

and as regular contributions or memorials.

 
Donations may be sent through PayPal in USD ($) or

foreign currency (PayPal will make the conversion to USD $) to


 
“Christian Voices" is recognized by the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) as a

religious organization and is exempt from Federal income tax

in accordance with section 501(c)(3) of the Internal Revenue Code.

Christian Voices is also exempt from State of Tennessee sales tax.

 
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PLEASE SHARE EACH ISSUE OF “CHRISTIAN VOICES” WITH OTHERS

 
Ask your pastor if it would be okay to leave several copies in

the entranceway of your church and/or to distribute copies to

your Sunday school or Bible study classes.




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