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Bob Humour
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Re: Bob Humour
Spelling
A sixth grade class is doing some spelling drills.
The teacher asks Tommy if he can spell 'before.'
He stands up and says, "Before, B-E-P-H-O-R."
The teacher says, "No, that's wrong. Can anyone else spell before?"
Another little boy stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-O-R."
Again the teacher says, "No, that's wrong." The
teacher asks, "Little Johnny, can you spell 'before'?"
Little Johnny stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-R-E."
"Excellent Johnny, now can you use it in a sentence?"
Little Johnny says, "That's easy. Two plus two be fore."
*************************************************
Wish
Two friends are chatting...
"I will give one million dollars to the person who will fulfill my wish.
"What is your wish?
"That somebody would give me two million dollars.”
......Above Humor by Patricia Kaine (docsdailychuckle@welovegod.org) by way of Christian Voices (christianvoices@att.net)
******************************************************************************
Life is inherently risky. There is only one big risk you should
avoid at all costs, and that is the risk of doing nothing.
- Denis Waitley
******************************************************************************
THOUGHT PROVOKING / INSPIRATIONAL
Charity in Belief
“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised
Is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward
love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are
in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more
as you see the Day approaching.” Hebrews 10: 23-25 NIV
Gathering together as Christians at church, in small groups, in Bible Study, or in Christian fellowship is important for the strengthening and maintaining of our faith. Christians learn from each other and hold each other accountable in living Jesus’ way. Sharing Christian treasures and insights is a continuing joy for the faithful. Continual fellowship with other Christians helps us to maintain a spirit of love and cooperation.
And in this time of issues, issues, issues, the balancing wisdom of a gathering of Christian believers is essential in maintaining a kindly outlook towards others who disagree with our beliefs. This is not to say that we force or bully others into submissive cordiality. Instead balanced Christian discussion that airs different ideas and points-of-view Biblically based can give us tempering thoughtfulness and a guide for the formation and dissemination of our ideas. As Christians, no matter how strong our beliefs and ideas, we need to share with others in a spirit of love. Pounding others forcefully with a belligerent version of Bible truth is likely to have the opposite outcome we desire. The Lord may smile at our zeal but regret our hostile aggressive force.
An old country saying used to point out “that you catch more flies with honey” than say vinegar. While we do not want to expound “sugared” down Christianity, we do want to share with calmness, peace, and love, respecting the individuality of others and praying for their Christian growth.
…… Mary-Ellen Grisham (eternal_ink@associate.com) by way of Christian Voices (christianvoices@att.net)
*****************************************************
Create. Not for the money. Not for the fame. Not for the recognition.
But for the pure joy of creating something and sharing it.
Ernest Barbaric
******************************************************
PRAYERS
Over the years I have said many prayers to God, and I haven’t always gotten the answers I wanted. When I was a little boy, I prayed for my lost dog, Duke, to come back home but he never did. When I was in high school, I prayed that I would become a big football star, but God had other plans. In college I prayed to become a huge success and be both rich and famous. Thirty years later I am still waiting on that one. When I married, I prayed that my children would be healthy, happy, and smart. Yet, my two sons were both born with Autism and mental retardation.
While they are often happy, every day is still a struggle for them. As my sons were growing up, I prayed time and time again for God to heal them and make them normal. Instead, He used them to heal my own soul and teach me patience, acceptance, and love.
What I have learned from all of these unanswered prayers is that what we most want isn’t always what we most need. We muddle through this world trying to find purpose and love. God, however, sees the vast tapestry of our lives and how our patterns connect with the lives of countless others. God also sees clearly where we have been and where we are going. He lovingly guides us on our eternal path of growth and answers the prayers that most strengthen our souls and help us to love.
Losing Duke helped me to open my heart to the love of many other dogs and people. It also helped me to deal better with the later deaths of my Mom, Nana, and Dad. Being a football star in high school would have been horrible for me. My ego needed shrinking and my kindness needed growing. Being a bench warmer did both. As for being a big success in the eyes of the world, I think God thought it more important that I become a success in the eyes of Heaven first.
While my two sons were never healed of their Autism, they have become a light in my life that brings love to my heart and joy to my days. They continue to teach me and all those they meet lessons on living and loving that are priceless.
I have found too that my prayers have changed a lot over the years. Now instead of asking for things I want I ask God to help me to do His will and to be the person He meant for me to be. My main two prayers are “Thank you God for my life” and “Please help all of us to Love.”
May all of your prayers lead you to greater faith, greater joy, and greater oneness with God. May all of your prayers strengthen you on your journey through this life and into the next. May all of your prayers connect you forever with Love.
…… Joseph J. Mazzella (joemazzella@frontier.com) by way of 'Christian Voices' (christianvoices@att.net))
A sixth grade class is doing some spelling drills.
The teacher asks Tommy if he can spell 'before.'
He stands up and says, "Before, B-E-P-H-O-R."
The teacher says, "No, that's wrong. Can anyone else spell before?"
Another little boy stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-O-R."
Again the teacher says, "No, that's wrong." The
teacher asks, "Little Johnny, can you spell 'before'?"
Little Johnny stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-R-E."
"Excellent Johnny, now can you use it in a sentence?"
Little Johnny says, "That's easy. Two plus two be fore."
*************************************************
Wish
Two friends are chatting...
"I will give one million dollars to the person who will fulfill my wish.
"What is your wish?
"That somebody would give me two million dollars.”
......Above Humor by Patricia Kaine (docsdailychuckle@welovegod.org) by way of Christian Voices (christianvoices@att.net)
******************************************************************************
Life is inherently risky. There is only one big risk you should
avoid at all costs, and that is the risk of doing nothing.
- Denis Waitley
******************************************************************************
THOUGHT PROVOKING / INSPIRATIONAL
Charity in Belief
“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised
Is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward
love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are
in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more
as you see the Day approaching.” Hebrews 10: 23-25 NIV
Gathering together as Christians at church, in small groups, in Bible Study, or in Christian fellowship is important for the strengthening and maintaining of our faith. Christians learn from each other and hold each other accountable in living Jesus’ way. Sharing Christian treasures and insights is a continuing joy for the faithful. Continual fellowship with other Christians helps us to maintain a spirit of love and cooperation.
And in this time of issues, issues, issues, the balancing wisdom of a gathering of Christian believers is essential in maintaining a kindly outlook towards others who disagree with our beliefs. This is not to say that we force or bully others into submissive cordiality. Instead balanced Christian discussion that airs different ideas and points-of-view Biblically based can give us tempering thoughtfulness and a guide for the formation and dissemination of our ideas. As Christians, no matter how strong our beliefs and ideas, we need to share with others in a spirit of love. Pounding others forcefully with a belligerent version of Bible truth is likely to have the opposite outcome we desire. The Lord may smile at our zeal but regret our hostile aggressive force.
An old country saying used to point out “that you catch more flies with honey” than say vinegar. While we do not want to expound “sugared” down Christianity, we do want to share with calmness, peace, and love, respecting the individuality of others and praying for their Christian growth.
…… Mary-Ellen Grisham (eternal_ink@associate.com) by way of Christian Voices (christianvoices@att.net)
*****************************************************
Create. Not for the money. Not for the fame. Not for the recognition.
But for the pure joy of creating something and sharing it.
Ernest Barbaric
******************************************************
PRAYERS
Over the years I have said many prayers to God, and I haven’t always gotten the answers I wanted. When I was a little boy, I prayed for my lost dog, Duke, to come back home but he never did. When I was in high school, I prayed that I would become a big football star, but God had other plans. In college I prayed to become a huge success and be both rich and famous. Thirty years later I am still waiting on that one. When I married, I prayed that my children would be healthy, happy, and smart. Yet, my two sons were both born with Autism and mental retardation.
While they are often happy, every day is still a struggle for them. As my sons were growing up, I prayed time and time again for God to heal them and make them normal. Instead, He used them to heal my own soul and teach me patience, acceptance, and love.
What I have learned from all of these unanswered prayers is that what we most want isn’t always what we most need. We muddle through this world trying to find purpose and love. God, however, sees the vast tapestry of our lives and how our patterns connect with the lives of countless others. God also sees clearly where we have been and where we are going. He lovingly guides us on our eternal path of growth and answers the prayers that most strengthen our souls and help us to love.
Losing Duke helped me to open my heart to the love of many other dogs and people. It also helped me to deal better with the later deaths of my Mom, Nana, and Dad. Being a football star in high school would have been horrible for me. My ego needed shrinking and my kindness needed growing. Being a bench warmer did both. As for being a big success in the eyes of the world, I think God thought it more important that I become a success in the eyes of Heaven first.
While my two sons were never healed of their Autism, they have become a light in my life that brings love to my heart and joy to my days. They continue to teach me and all those they meet lessons on living and loving that are priceless.
I have found too that my prayers have changed a lot over the years. Now instead of asking for things I want I ask God to help me to do His will and to be the person He meant for me to be. My main two prayers are “Thank you God for my life” and “Please help all of us to Love.”
May all of your prayers lead you to greater faith, greater joy, and greater oneness with God. May all of your prayers strengthen you on your journey through this life and into the next. May all of your prayers connect you forever with Love.
…… Joseph J. Mazzella (joemazzella@frontier.com) by way of 'Christian Voices' (christianvoices@att.net))
Re: Bob Humour
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Re: Bob Humour
Wife Was Mad at Me
Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives.
One signs to the other, 'Boy was my wife mad at me last night. She went on and on and wouldn't stop!'
The other Buddy says, 'When my wife goes off on me, I just don't listen.'
'How do you do that?' says the other.
'It's easy! I turn off the light!'
……Patricia Kaine (pkaine@cox.net) by way of ‘Christian Voices’ (christianvoices@att.net)
Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives.
One signs to the other, 'Boy was my wife mad at me last night. She went on and on and wouldn't stop!'
The other Buddy says, 'When my wife goes off on me, I just don't listen.'
'How do you do that?' says the other.
'It's easy! I turn off the light!'
……Patricia Kaine (pkaine@cox.net) by way of ‘Christian Voices’ (christianvoices@att.net)
Re: Bob Humour
HUMOR
TALE
My husband, Michael, and I were at a restaurant with his boss, a rather stern older man. When Michael began a tale, which I was sure he had told before, I gave him a kick under the table. There was no response, so I gave him another poke. Still the story went on. Suddenly he stopped, grinned and said, "Oh, but I've told you this one before, haven't I?"
We all chuckled and changed the subject. Later, on the dance floor, I asked my husband why it had taken him so long to get my message.
"What do you mean?" he replied. "I cut the story off as soon as you kicked me."
"But I kicked you twice and it still took you awhile to stop!"
Suddenly we realized what had happened. Sheepishly we returned to our table.
The boss smiled and said, "Don't worry. After the second kick I figured it wasn't for me, so I passed it along!"
First Flight
In order to alleviate some of her concerns before the flight, Jess had told his daughter Hannah, age six what to expect on her first airplane ride, including the effects of the pressurized cabin.
She handled the flight well, but as the plane descended on its final approach, Hannah complained that she couldn't hear very well.
Jess told her to yawn, which she did.
Suddenly she beamed and said in wonder, "Daddy, when I opened my mouth, my ears turned on!"
TALE
My husband, Michael, and I were at a restaurant with his boss, a rather stern older man. When Michael began a tale, which I was sure he had told before, I gave him a kick under the table. There was no response, so I gave him another poke. Still the story went on. Suddenly he stopped, grinned and said, "Oh, but I've told you this one before, haven't I?"
We all chuckled and changed the subject. Later, on the dance floor, I asked my husband why it had taken him so long to get my message.
"What do you mean?" he replied. "I cut the story off as soon as you kicked me."
"But I kicked you twice and it still took you awhile to stop!"
Suddenly we realized what had happened. Sheepishly we returned to our table.
The boss smiled and said, "Don't worry. After the second kick I figured it wasn't for me, so I passed it along!"
First Flight
In order to alleviate some of her concerns before the flight, Jess had told his daughter Hannah, age six what to expect on her first airplane ride, including the effects of the pressurized cabin.
She handled the flight well, but as the plane descended on its final approach, Hannah complained that she couldn't hear very well.
Jess told her to yawn, which she did.
Suddenly she beamed and said in wonder, "Daddy, when I opened my mouth, my ears turned on!"
Re: Bob Humour
HUMOR
Carpenter Set
When our grandson Thomas was 5 years old, his grandpa thought it would be a good idea to give him a carpenter's set for his birthday. Grandpa finally found a nice carpenter's set that included a hammer, crewdriver, etc. but there was no handsaw.
Undaunted, Grandpa bought a small hacksaw to include with the gift.
A couple of months later, Grandpa phoned grandson Thomas. He said, "Thomas, how are you enjoying your carpenter's set?"
There was a very long pause at the other end of the line. Then he heard Thomas holler, "Daaaaaaad! When do I get my saw back?"
……Mikey's Funnies (funnies-owner@lists.mikeysfunnies.com (by way of ‘Christian Voices’ (christianvoices@att.net)
Night Out Dancing
A husband, who is not the most outgoing guy, relents to his wife's months of nagging to take her out dancing. During the evening one guy on the dance floor is giving it large - break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works.
Seeing this performance, the wife turns to her husband and says "See that guy? Twenty-five years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."
Her husband replies, "Looks like he's still celebrating!!!"
……Patricia Kaine MD (pakaine49@gmail.com) by way of ‘Christian Voices’ (christianvoices@att.net)
Carpenter Set
When our grandson Thomas was 5 years old, his grandpa thought it would be a good idea to give him a carpenter's set for his birthday. Grandpa finally found a nice carpenter's set that included a hammer, crewdriver, etc. but there was no handsaw.
Undaunted, Grandpa bought a small hacksaw to include with the gift.
A couple of months later, Grandpa phoned grandson Thomas. He said, "Thomas, how are you enjoying your carpenter's set?"
There was a very long pause at the other end of the line. Then he heard Thomas holler, "Daaaaaaad! When do I get my saw back?"
……Mikey's Funnies (funnies-owner@lists.mikeysfunnies.com (by way of ‘Christian Voices’ (christianvoices@att.net)
Night Out Dancing
A husband, who is not the most outgoing guy, relents to his wife's months of nagging to take her out dancing. During the evening one guy on the dance floor is giving it large - break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works.
Seeing this performance, the wife turns to her husband and says "See that guy? Twenty-five years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."
Her husband replies, "Looks like he's still celebrating!!!"
……Patricia Kaine MD (pakaine49@gmail.com) by way of ‘Christian Voices’ (christianvoices@att.net)
Re: Bob Humour
POSITION TO PRAY
Three preachers sat discussing the best positions for prayer, while a telephone repairman worked nearby.
"Kneeling is definitely best," claimed one.
"
No," another contended. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven."
"You're both wrong," the third insisted. "The most effective prayer position is lying prostrate, face down on the floor."
The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Gentlemen," he interrupted, "the best praying I ever did was hanging upside down from a telephone pole."
……Patricia Kaine (docsdailychuckle@associate.com) by way of ‘ChristianVoices’ (christianvoices@att.net)
Three preachers sat discussing the best positions for prayer, while a telephone repairman worked nearby.
"Kneeling is definitely best," claimed one.
"
No," another contended. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven."
"You're both wrong," the third insisted. "The most effective prayer position is lying prostrate, face down on the floor."
The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Gentlemen," he interrupted, "the best praying I ever did was hanging upside down from a telephone pole."
……Patricia Kaine (docsdailychuckle@associate.com) by way of ‘ChristianVoices’ (christianvoices@att.net)
Re: Bob Humour
March 11, 2023
HUMOR
GOOD HUMOR
At a fancy dinner party, one of the women mentioned that her ancestry went back to Alexander the Great. When she turned to the woman sitting next to her and asked, “How far back does your ancestry go?”
The woman replied, “All our records were lost in the Flood.”
……Submitted by a reader by way of ‘Christian Voices’ (christianvoices@att.net)
Re: Bob Humour
Brother Bob
HUMOR
SNOW
It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom. “Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing.”
Twenty minutes later there was another announcement “Willl the twelve hundred students who went to move 26 cars please return to class.”
Patricia Kaine (Doc's Daily Chuckle) by way of 'Christian Voices' (christianvoices@att.net)
<>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <><
HUMOR
SNOW
It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom. “Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing.”
Twenty minutes later there was another announcement “Willl the twelve hundred students who went to move 26 cars please return to class.”
Patricia Kaine (Doc's Daily Chuckle) by way of 'Christian Voices' (christianvoices@att.net)
<>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <><
Bob Humour
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