You Can't fix another person

https://www.ibelieve.com/relationships/5-reasons-why-you-cant-fix-another-person.html
5 Reasons Why You Can't "Fix" Another Person
Renee Bethel
iBelieve Contributing Writer
Published:
May 19, 2023
5 Reasons Why You Can't "Fix" Another Person
Have you ever listened to a problem that a family member or friend was sharing and immediately started giving them ideas for what they should do to make the situation better? "Read this book," "Take this supplement," "Buy this course," "Get more exercise," "Drink more water," and on and on it goes. The person listening to you acknowledges your suggestions, leaves the conversation, and never takes your advice. Your suggestions may be beneficial, but they fall short.

How about sharing your own experience when you hear about another person’s difficult situation? Hoping it will help, you quickly tell your story relating to the current struggle. While the story may have merit, it puts the focus on you and takes the focus off the person sharing who just needed a listening ear and some encouragement.

Your desire to help and support those you care about is rooted in love, compassion, and empathy. It’s difficult to see your friends and family walk through hard things. However, it’s important to understand the limitations of your role in addressing the problems and struggles of others. You can better navigate these situations by focusing on active listening, self-reflection, respecting personal journeys, and relying on God’s wisdom and sovereignty.

In your human-ness, you cannot fix anyone else’s problems or struggles, and here’s why:

1. Listening Should Be Your First Response
In your eagerness to assist, you may jump into fix-it mode before truly hearing the full story. There is immense power in being an attentive listener. Sometimes, all someone needs is a listening ear and an empathetic heart.


By refraining from imposing your own ideas and stories, you can create a safe space where others feel heard and valued. This involves deeper listening to truly hear, not just surface listening to respond, and this is a rare gift to the other person.

Proverbs 18:13 reminds us that speaking before truly listening is unwise and leads to shame. Instead, let’s practice being quick to listen and slow to speak, recognizing that sometimes the best thing we can offer is our undivided attention and encouragement.

2. You Have Limitations
While your intentions may be genuine, it’s important to recognize that you cannot fix someone else’s problems or struggles. You must avoid coming across as judgmental or condescending by assuming you know what is best for someone else.

Instead of attempting to fix another person, you can humbly acknowledge that you have your own areas of growth and challenges to navigate. Matthew 7:3 warns against focusing on the speck in your brother’s eye while ignoring the plank in your own.

You can redirect your focus inward on yourself. By cultivating self-awareness and striving for personal growth, you become a living example of the transformation you desire to see in others.

3. The Situation Is Complex
Each person and their issues are complex, and rarely is there a simple, one-size-fits-all solution. It’s vital to acknowledge that you do not possess all of the information needed to offer a comprehensive solution.

The only person who knows all of the details about the situation at hand is the person dealing with the situation. Consequently, they are the best person equipped to find a solution.

Rather than providing quick fixes, you can be curious and ask thoughtful questions that help your friend or family member explore various possibilities to discover a resolution. This empowers them to find their own way with God’s guidance.

In being curious and asking questions, you create an environment of trust and collaboration that allows for deeper exploration and growth.

4. You Must Honor Others’ Personal Growth
God created each one of us with free will and the capacity to make our own choices. Every individual is on a unique journey of personal growth and transformation. While it may be tempting to bear the burdens of others, you must respect their path and allow them the opportunity to learn, make mistakes, grow, and mature.

Galatians 6:5 reminds us that each person must bear their own load. Instead of trying to fix someone else, you can offer your support through prayer and genuine empathy. Trusting in God’s sovereignty, you can release your desire to control the situation and allow His perfect plan to unfold.


5. You Must Honor God’s Sovereignty
You must remember that you are not God. He has a purpose and plan for everything that occurs in your life and the lives of others. When you feel compelled to intervene, you can surrender the person and their situation to God, trusting Him to work in ways beyond your comprehension.

His plans are always good, even when you can’t see that now. Think about how much you care about the person you want to rescue from their pain. Remember that God loves them more than you do. This always helps me when one of my adult children is having a hard time, and I start to get caught in fix-it mom mode.

As humans, we have limitations. We cannot change another person or situation. God is the only one who can bring lasting transformation to any person or situation.

Exodus 14:14 reassures you that “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” You can rest in this promise and let God be God.

It’s in moments of surrender that you can experience a profound sense of peace and faith. By acknowledging your limitations and placing your trust in God, you invite His wisdom and power to work in the lives of those you care about.

In your journey as a Christian, it’s essential to recognize and respect the boundaries of your role in helping others.

What would happen if you did not quickly try to fix other people’s problems? What would happen if you asked a few questions instead of offering a quick-fix solution? What would happen if you really listened when others were sharing their struggles?

James 1:19 tells us that we should be quick to listen and slow to speak.

What can you do instead of trying to fix a person or situation?

While you can’t fix someone else, you can support and encourage them through prayer and offering a listening ear. By learning to be an attentive listener, you create a safe space for others to share their hearts and find solace in being heard.

Offering encouragement and understanding can foster a deeper connection with others and demonstrates Christ’s love in a tangible way. Our role is to point others to God and His transformative power. Trusting in God’s sovereignty and understanding that change and growth are ultimately in His hands can provide comfort in challenging situations.

Ultimately, each person is responsible for their own actions, and until they take ownership of what needs to be done to move forward, there’s nothing you can say or do that will affect change or growth in their life.


Position yourself as a mom, spouse, friend, or family member who desires to understand the struggle that your family and friends are experiencing. Learn to ask good, clarifying questions that help them explore how they feel, verbally process, and formulate their next steps around the situation they are facing.

This is the best gift that you can give another person–to truly listen to them and walk alongside them as they walk through hard seasons. May you be known as a person who listens with compassion, trusts in God’s plan, and offers unwavering support.

Photo Credit: GettyImages/Prostock-Studio

Renee Bethel, author of Finding Me: A Woman’s Guide to Learning More About Herself is a Professional Christian Life Coach and a Gospel Centered Certified Enneagram Coach. She helps Christian women explore what’s possible and live in alignment with their identity in Christ and their personality so that they have purpose in their second half of life. Renee would love to connect with you on Instagram.


https://www.crosswalk.com/culture/features/things-parents-should-know-about-the-little-mermaid-disneys-live-action-remake.html
4 Things Parents Should Know about The Little Mermaid, Disney’s Live-Action Remake
Michael Foust
ChristianHeadlines.com Contributor
Ariel is a young mermaid with a big heart and a desire to explore.

Yes, she loves her six sisters and her intimidating father -- King Triton, the ruler of the sea. Yes, she enjoys her scenic water underworld, including her crab companion Sebastian and her fish friend Flounder.

Ariel, though, wants to know what lies beyond her kingdom: What is that bright light shining overhead? What are those massive objects sailing atop the ocean? And what are these strange, other-worldly things that litter the ocean floor?

Eventually, Ariel defies her family’s wishes and swims to the surface. There, she watches as a ship sinks. She sees dozens of men abandon their vessels and dive into the water. She also watches as one of them -- a well-dressed, handsome man she later learns is the queen’s son -- lifelessly sinks below the surface. Ariel rescues him and drags him to shore. But before he can fully wake up and people see her, she swims away.

Unfortunately for her father, Ariel is now in love with a creature from another kingdom. Will she ever meet him again?

The new Disney film The Little Mermaid (PG) follows the story of Ariel, her romantic interest Eric, and their families. It stars Halle Bailey in the lead role, Jonah Hauer-King as Eric, Javier Bardem as King Triton, Jacob Tremblay as Flounder, Daveed Diggs as Sebastian, Awkwafina as Scuttle the bird, and Melissa McCarthy as Ursula, the sea witch.

Here are four things parents should know:

1. It’s a Magical Remake
The live-action/CGI film says it’s based not only on the 1989 animated classic The Little Mermaid (which won two Oscars) but also on the Hans Christian Andersen 1837 story of the same name.

In the newest film, Ariel grows enamored with the human race as she explores items from the shipwreck (she assumes a fork is a tiny trident) and dreams of what a world without water is like. Simultaneously, Eric tells his mother (played by Noma Dumezweni) that he vaguely remembers the face of a woman who rescued him. He is determined to find her.

After King Triton destroys the shipwreck in an attempt to end Ariel’s fantasy, she is approached by the wicked Ursula, who offers Ariel a deal: Ariel can become a human for three days. If Eric and Ariel share a romantic kiss during that time, Ariel will remain a human forever. But if they never kiss, Ariel must serve Usrula forever. (Unknown to Ariel, Ursula erases her memory and makes her mute.)

The Little Mermaid includes the songs you love -- Under the Sea and Part of Your World, among them. (It also includes a handful of new ones.) It includes real-looking sea turtles and starfish, and snails that dance. It also includes Disney’s CGI “magic” that allows Ariel and her mermaid friends to talk underwater as their hair flows freely through the waves. Perhaps we’re accustomed to it by now, but it’s still a visual spectacle.

2. It’s a Love Story Unlike Any Other
The film begins with a quote from author Hans Christian Andersen: “But a mermaid has no tears, and therefore she suffers so much more.” There may be no tears, but there is plenty of heartache in The Little Mermaid. Ariel’s father bans her from interacting with the humans. (According to the film, Ariel’s mother was killed by a human.) Eric’s mother, too, prohibits him from interacting with other cultures. No doubt, the romance in The Little Mermaid is like countless other romances through the ages -- couples who came from different races, different classes, and different countries.

The newest film has a few differences from the 1989 version that add to the plot. Ursula is King Triton’s sister. We also learn that Eric, who is white, was adopted by the queen (who is black).

3. It Celebrates Cultures and Spotlights Sacrifice
Like the previous versions, the newest film urges us to embrace people from different cultures and discard our stereotypes. King Triton tells Ariel of the humans: “They’re savages!” The queen forbids Eric from dating anyone outside her kingdom, not trusting them. Meanwhile, we learn that both cultures are filled with kind-hearted, hard-working individuals who love their children and enjoy the things we all enjoy -- laughing, playing, and creating. In other words, they may look different on the outside, but they’re very similar on the inside. It’s a lesson grounded in Scripture (Colossians 3:11, Revelation 5:9-10).


“We’re not all the same -- so why should humans be?” Ariel asks.

The movie offers solid lessons about sacrifice (Ariel, Eric, and King Triton all put their lives on the line). It also includes a lesson about temptation. (Ariel is surprised to learn that Ursula isn’t as wicked as she imagined.) Ariel tells Ursula, “This is wrong. I can’t do this.” But she does.

4. It’s Family-Friendly
No doubt, critics of remakes will comb through the plot and critique the similarities and differences.

More than likely, though, most families will love it. That’s because it stays kid-friendly. (Although it’s worth noting: Both films show Ariel rebelling against her father.)

It contains no coarse language, no sexuality, and no bloody violence. (Ursula, a witch-octopus, is scary-looking at times, and the ending includes more peril simply because it’s real life and not animation. We also watch Ursula use a cauldron to cast a spell. The film, as you know, has plenty of magic.) Of course, the film includes plenty of bikini-top-wearing mermaids, but you already knew that, right? Ariel and Eric share a kiss at the end.

My 11-year-old daughter looked at me as we were walking out of the theater and said excitedly, “That movie made my day.” I’m sure plenty of other kids will say the same.

The Little Mermaid is rated PG for action/peril and some scary images.

Entertainment rating: 4 out of 5.

Family-friendly rating: 4.5 out of 5.

Photo credit: GettyImages-Lisa Maree Williams / Stringer

Michael Foust has covered the intersection of faith and news for 20 years. His stories have appeared in Baptist Press, Christianity Today, The Christian Post, the Leaf-Chronicle, the Toronto Star and the Knoxville News-Sentinel.