Michael Josephson of Character Counts

Sticks and Stones 

  By Michael Josephson of CHARACTER COUNTS 

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will
never hurt me."

Really? Insults, teasing, gossip, and verbal abuse can
inflict deeper and more enduring pain than guns and
knives.

Ask anyone who as a kid was fat, skinny, short, tall,
flat-chested, big-busted, acne-faced, uncoordinated,
slow-witted, or exceptionally smart. In schoolrooms and
playgrounds across the country, weight, height, looks,
and intelligence are the subject of more taunting and
ridicule than race or religion.

And it doesn't get better. Unkind words, tasteless
jokes, criticism, and ridicule don't lose their sting
when we become adults.

There's nothing new about this. But if we trivialize
how damaging words can be, especially to youngsters,
the ethical significance of verbal assaults can be
lost. When we say words can't hurt anyone, we negate
the feelings of those who are genuinely hurt.

Instead of minimizing the importance of words, we
should encourage parents and teachers to demand a
higher level of respect and greater sensitivity
precisely because words can be so powerful.

Yes, we should try to fortify our children's sense of
self-worth so they can bear insults and sarcasm better.
And we should urge them not to take what others say too
seriously. But it's just as important to teach them
that words have the power of grenades and must be used
carefully.

For Commentaries go to:
http://whatwillmatter.com/category/commentary/ 

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character
counts. 

© 2015 Josephson Institute of Ethics; reprinted with
permission. Michael Josephson, one of the nation's
leading ethicists, is the founder of the Josephson
Institute of Ethics and the premier youth character
education program, CHARACTER COUNTS! For further
information visit www.charactercounts.org.

I'm Only a One-Star

By Michael Josephson of CHARACTER COUNTS (919.4)

Years ago I was talking to a group of Army generals
about the way politicians often treat the defense
budget as an all-purpose public works fund to help
bring money into their districts. One general admitted,
"Yes, if the chairman of the Appropriations Committee
comes from a place that makes trucks, we're probably
going to buy those trucks. That's the way it is, the
way it always was, and the way it always will be."

I suggested that it was a form of bribery to buy the
trucks just to please the politician. The general
barked, "It's not bribery. It's extortion!"

"Don't sound so powerless," I replied. "You're a
GENERAL!"

Without skipping a beat, he answered, "Yeah, but I'm
only a one-star."

"I'm only a one-star." I hear this sort of abdication
of moral responsibility a lot---from business
executives who surrender to "pressures" to engage in
dubious business practices, journalists who see their
great calling being overcome by a growing profit
obsession and others who just feel they can't buck the
system.

I understand it's easier and often seems smarter to go
along to get along, yet when systems become corrupt,
irrational, or wasteful, it's our duty to do what we
can do to make things better.

As Edward Everett Hale said, "It's true I am only one,
but I am one. And the fact that I can't do everything
will not prevent me from doing what I can do."

When there's a gap between reality and ethical ideals,
people of character don't surrender their ideals. They
fight for them. They work to change the way things
"are" to the way they "ought to be." And much more
often than we realize, defective systems collapse at
the first sight of principled resistance.

For Commentaries go to:
http://whatwillmatter.com/category/commentary/.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character
counts.

© 2015 Josephson Institute of Ethics; reprinted with
permission. Michael Josephson, one of the nation's
leading ethicists, is the founder of the Josephson
Institute of Ethics and the premier youth character
education program, CHARACTER COUNTS! For further
information visit www.charactercounts.org.

. The Treasure of Old Friends

  By Michael Josephson of CHARACTER COUNTS (915.5) 

In my lifetime, I've had the good fortune of having a
handful of good friends.

Each of my four teenage daughters have many hundreds.
At least that's what they call every Facebook
connection they collect like trophies. The list of
those kinds of friends includes people they barely
know, some they don't know at all, and even some people
they don't like.

They also have lots of real friends - people they
actually know and spend time with. They profess to
"love" and "miss" quite a few and, though it defies the
meaning of the word "best" they each have a rotating
group of best friends often referred to a BFFs (best
friends forever) or BFFL (best friends for life).

It's pretty obvious to an old codger like me (using the
word codger proves how old I am), that their use of the
labels "friend" and "best friend" represents a diluted
and naïve concept of the intensity and longevity of
friendship.

In relationships, "forever" is, outside of rare
exceptions, a romantic illusion borne out of real but
transitory emotions. From the perch provided by decades
of experience, it's pretty obvious that none or only a
few of today's BFFs will be in their lives for very
long.

This is not to say that these relationships aren't
important or that they don't provide all kinds of
needed comforts such as companionship, validation,
support, fun, and caring counsel. But just as lasting
and meaningful love is hard to find and sustain, true
friendships are rare and, therefore, precious.

Generally, the intensity and longevity of almost all
friendships are tied to context, place and time.

Except for friendships with relatives (if you're
fortunate to have any who really are your friends),
friendships rarely make the transition from one major
stage of our lives to another.

And though we may feel affection for old friends who
once played a central role in our lives, unless we have
been in regular contact, many of the qualities that
made the relationship so special (shared joys and grief
in real time, common experiences, intimate knowledge of
our thoughts and feelings) just aren't there anymore.

The insight of age is that even our best friendships
usually morph into memories.

Fortunately, the emotions that define these memories
are easily re-awakened and enjoyed with even infrequent
contact.

Communicating with "old friends" can enrich our lives
by bringing our pasts into the present, reminding us of
who we were and how we became what we are.

The irony is that Facebook, which seems to promote a
watered down version of friendship for my kids, also
makes it possible for me to re-connect with a small
army of far-flung folks who once played a major role in
my life--and I'm glad for that.

For Commentaries go to:
http://whatwillmatter.com/category/commentary/ 

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character
counts. 

© 2015 Josephson Institute of Ethics; reprinted with
permission. Michael Josephson, one of the nation's
leading ethicists, is the founder of the Josephson
Institute of Ethics and the premier youth character
education program, CHARACTER COUNTS! For further
information visit www.charactercounts.org.
Impossible Odds

Two Sets of Proud Parents

  By Michael Josephson of CHARACTER COUNTS (919.3) 

I received an email with a story worth sharing. Only
the names have been changed to preserve privacy.

Doug is the proud and loving father of Emma, a high
school junior who takes a leadership class responsible
for putting on dances and other student events. All
student body officers must take the class, but a number
of other kids like Emma who just like to participate
are also enrolled. Well, Emma is a little different and
she's becoming more aware of those differences.
Recently, she began to tell her father through tears,
"I don't like having Down's syndrome."

Doug comforted and encouraged his daughter the best he
could, but he admits he always wonders how her
classmates really perceive her. Do they just tolerate
or patronize her, or do they see the richness of her
character and appreciate her sense of humor and the
beauty of her heart?

These concerns came into play when he visited Emma at a
school event where she was working at a table with the
student body president, a handsome kid named Chris.
Later, Emma announced that Chris had invited her to the
homecoming dance. Doug was doubtful and afraid that she
might be embarrassed or hurt if she misunderstood. So
he checked with the leadership teacher, who discreetly
confirmed it was true. This extraordinary young man
asked Emma to accompany him to dinner and the dance.

Doug was moved to tears and confessed he was ashamed he
doubted this could happen. He wrote of his joy seeing
his daughter prepare for one of the greatest days in
her life. And he marveled at the kindness and
self-confidence of the young man who was able to see
and care about the inner Emma.

Doug was rightfully proud of Emma, but how good would
you feel to be Chris's parents? 

For Commentaries go to:
http://whatwillmatter.com/category/commentary/ 

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character
counts. 

© 2015 Josephson Institute of Ethics; reprinted with
permission. Michael Josephson, one of the nation's
leading ethicists, is the founder of the Josephson
Institute of Ethics and the premier youth character
education program, CHARACTER COUNTS! For further
information visit www.charactercounts.org

What I Know About Life 

  By Michael Josephson of CHARACTER COUNTS (369.1) 

The older I get the less I know, but I know some
things:

I know that I'm a work in progress and that there will
always be a gap between who I am and who I want to be.

I know that I don't have to be sick to get better, and
that every day brings opportunities to improve my life
and my character.

I know that it's easier to talk about integrity than to
live it, and that the true test is my willingness to do
the right thing even when it costs more than I want to
pay.

I know that character is more important than
competence.

I know that it takes years to build up trust and only
seconds to destroy it.

I know that I often judge myself by my best intentions
and most noble acts, but that I'll be judged by my last
worst act.

I know that I can't control what will happen to me, but
that I have a lot to say about what happens in me.
I know that pain is inevitable, but suffering is
optional.

I know that attitudes, both good and bad, are
contagious. 

I know that winning is more than coming in first and
that there's no real victory without honor.

I know that it takes a conscientious effort to be kind,
but that kindness changes lives. 

I know that neither gratitude nor forgiveness comes
naturally; both often require acts of will.

I know that real success is being significant.

I know that happiness is deeper and more enduring than
either pleasure or fun and that I'm generally as happy
as I'm willing to be.

I know that the surest road to happiness is good
relationships, and that the best way to have good
relationships is to be a good person.

For Commentaries go to:
http://whatwillmatter.com/category/commentary/ 

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character
counts. 

© 2005 Josephson Institute of Ethics; reprinted with
permission. Michael Josephson, one of the nation's
leading ethicists, is the founder of the Josephson
Institute of Ethics and the premier youth character
education program, CHARACTER COUNTS! For further
information visit www.charactercounts.org

Changing Lives Through Love

  By Michael Josephson of CHARACTER COUNTS (916.3) 

Imagine being put in charge of a residential camp for
delinquent teenage girls confined because they are
considered dangerous. Many have serious mental health
issues, impulse control problems, and an awful lot of
anger.

One of the last terms you'd apply to any of these girls
is lovable.

So when Pauline Starks and her colleague Gerry Davis
(both with more than 25 years of experience at the Los
Angeles Probation Department) spoke to the Josephson
Institute's Board of Governors about the importance of
giving these girls love, it was pretty impressive. They
refused to write these girls off as if they were social
rubbish to be thrown or locked away. Instead, they saw
young, damaged girls who needed and deserved to be
loved.

They came to talk about how the CHARACTER COUNTS
program helped them change the lives of juveniles
confined to Camps Scott and Scudder in Lancaster,
California, and there wasn't a person in the room who
was not inspired.

It's been said that kids don't care what you know until
they know that you care. Pauline and Gerry told stories
and cited statistics to prove the effectiveness of
liberally applied caring and respect. You might expect
that nearly three decades of working with criminals
would harden them, yet they spoke of the girls with
such tenderness, and described little successes with
such pride, that it was evident that their natural
compassion and empathy shielded them from cynicism.

What a joy it was to spend an evening with these mortal
angels who have found meaning and purpose in changing
lives through love.

For Commentaries go to:
http://whatwillmatter.com/category/commentary/ 

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character
counts. 

© 2015 Josephson Institute of Ethics; reprinted with
permission. Michael Josephson, one of the nation's
leading ethicists, is the founder of the Josephson
Institute of Ethics and the premier youth character
education program, CHARACTER COUNTS! For further
information visit www.charactercounts.org.

So, What Makes Us Happy?

  By Michael Josephson of CHARACTER COUNTS (914.4) 

There is an ever-growing body of knowledge about the
nature and causes of happiness.

For one thing, it's clear that happiness is a feeling,
not a circumstance. Happiness is more than just fun or
pleasure. It's a more durable sense of wellbeing.

Our happiness depends not on what happens to us, but
what happens in us. In other words, it's the way we
choose to think about our lives. Abe Lincoln said,
"People are generally about as happy as they're willing
to be." A Buddhist proverb tells us that pain is
inevitable, but suffering is optional.

So, what are the most common attributes of happy
people? Well, it's not money, fame, or good looks. It's
not even intelligence or talent. No, the two most
important factors are gratitude and rewarding personal
relationships.

The formula is simple: count your blessings and enjoy
your family and friends.

Sadly, simple is not always easy.

People whose natural instincts produce a gloomy outlook
and pessimism need to re-train their minds. It's one
thing to say happiness is not getting what you want but
wanting what you get; it's quite another to really be
satisfied with what we have.

For many people, it takes discipline and practice to
think positively.

Sometimes it's just a matter of changing one's
perspective, choosing to see and appreciate the silver
lining, the half full glass. In other cases, what's
required is refusing to dwell on pain, disappointment,
or envy, and instead force one's mind toward good
thoughts, including all the things we should be
grateful for.

Interestingly, the ability to maintain a positive
attitude is also important in forming and sustaining
meaningful relationships--seeing and bringing out the
best.

For Commentaries go to:
http://whatwillmatter.com/category/commentary/ 

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character
counts. 

© 2015 Josephson Institute of Ethics; reprinted with
permission. Michael Josephson, one of the nation's
leading ethicists, is the founder of the Josephson
Institute of Ethics and the premier youth character
education program, CHARACTER COUNTS! For further
information visit www.charactercounts.org.

Every Good Decision Starts With a Stop

  By Michael Josephson of CHARACTER COUNTS (904.5) 

Most of us are regularly confronted with choices that
can have serious and lasting impacts on our lives.
What's more, most really bad decisions--the ones that
mess up our lives--are made impulsively or without
sufficient reflection.

Thus, the wisdom of the oldest advice in the world:
"Think ahead." The maxim telling us to count to three
when we're angry and to ten when we're very angry is
designed to prevent foolish and impulsive behavior. But
anger is just one obstacle to good choices. Others are
fatigue, frustration, impatience and ignorance.

We can improve our lives immeasurably if we can get in
the habit of self-consciously stopping the momentum of
thoughtless behavior. We must force ourselves to
reflect on what we are about to do. Just like we teach
our children to look both ways before they cross the
street we can and should instill the habit of looking
ahead in making decisions.

So every good decision starts with a stop. We must stop
to sort out facts from rumors, to evaluate the evidence
and devise alternatives so we can choose the most
effective and ethical course of action. Stopping to
think before we act also allows us to muster our moral
will power to overcome temptations.

The "stop" is a break in the action that allows us to
ask ourselves a few crucial questions that could set us
on a better road:

"Wait, what do I really want to accomplish here?"

"How will my decision affect others?"

"What are my alternatives?"

"What could go wrong?"

This is Michael Josephson reminding you to think ahead
because character counts.

For Commentaries go to:
http://whatwillmatter.com/category/commentary/ 

© 2015 Josephson Institute of Ethics; reprinted with
permission. Michael Josephson, one of the nation's
leading ethicists, is the founder of the Josephson
Institute of Ethics and the premier youth character
education program, CHARACTER COUNTS! For further
information visit www.charactercounts.org.

The Self-Portrait Called Character

  By Michael Josephson of CHARACTER COUNTS (323.1) 

I was on a radio show talking about what I called the
growing hole in our moral ozone, when Steve called to
chastise my naiveté. He cheated to get into college, he
said. He cheated in college to get a job. And now he
occasionally cheats on his job to get ahead. Cheating
is part of our culture. So rather than urge parents to
teach kids to be honest, he claimed, I ought to urge
parents to teach their kids how to cheat.

Tempting logic. In fact, lots of people cheat and most
of them get away with it. Why should a rational person
be ethical? This age-old question is at the core of our
personal philosophy of life and the concept we have of
ourselves.

To those who see their lives and derive their happiness
purely in terms of material acquisitions, an unethical
life is a viable alternative. If Steve is smart enough
to avoid all the traps and pitfalls of this sort of
life and never get caught--an unlikely scenario--he may
even achieve a sort of happiness.

But those who care about other things--about
relationships, about peace of mind, about living a
worthy life and being admired and remembered for
it--know that people like Steve are a bit pathetic.

We paint the self-portrait that we call our character
by our actions. We can choose to paint that portrait in
the pale watercolors of shallow successes and
short-lived pleasures or in the deep, rich oils of
love, honor and reverence for our human potential.

The happiest people I know are those who find purpose,
meaning and self-respect in pursuing a vision of a good
life, guided and measured by enduring moral virtues.
They realize it's demeaning and self-defeating to get
caught up in the daily quest for profit or advantage.
People like Steve have no idea the price they're paying
for the little they're getting. 

Remember, the importance of what you do goes well
beyond what it gets you. It determines what you are.
And what you are is infinitely more important than what
you have.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character
counts.

For Commentaries go to:
http://whatwillmatter.com/category/commentary/ 

© 2005 Josephson Institute of Ethics; reprinted with
permission. Michael Josephson, one of the nation's
leading ethicists, is the founder of the Josephson
Institute of Ethics and the premier youth character
education program, CHARACTER COUNTS! For further
information visit www.charactercounts.org.

The Cowboy Code

  By Michael Josephson of CHARACTER COUNTS (910.4) 

I grew up in much simpler times. Television was in its
infancy, and the idea of a hero was exemplified by a
white-hatted cowboy. There was a clarity and simplicity
to this hero's moral code that left no doubt there is a
right and wrong.

As I became more sophisticated, it was easy to ridicule
these simplistic approaches to ethics and living. Yet
the more I've learned, the more I've come to think
there's just as much danger in muddying our choices
into endless shades of gray.

Sure, there are extenuating factors and exceptions that
challenge the validity of every ethical principle, but
on balance we need clear prescriptive benchmarks of
virtue. Such guidelines are provided in the quaintly
old-fashioned Cowboy Code promoted by the late Gene
Autry:

Don't shoot first, hit a smaller man, or take unfair 
    advantage.
Don't go back on your word or a trust confided in you.
Tell the truth.
Be gentle with children, the elderly, and animals.
Don't advocate or possess racially or religiously 
    intolerant ideas.
Help people in distress.
Be a good worker.
Keep yourself clean in thought, speech, action, 
    and personal habits.
Respect women, parents, and the law.
Be patriotic. 

With a little updating, this code still works. 

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character
counts.

For Commentaries go to:
http://whatwillmatter.com/category/commentary/ 

© 2015 Josephson Institute of Ethics; reprinted with
permission. Michael Josephson, one of the nation's
leading ethicists, is the founder of the Josephson
Institute of Ethics and the premier youth character
education program, CHARACTER COUNTS! For further
information visit www.charactercounts.org.

. KEEP GETTING BETTER -- even if you think you're good
    enough

  By Michael Josephson of CHARACTER COUNTS (12/17/2014)


BE HONEST -- even when others aren't and it may cost
more than you want to pay.

KEEP YOUR PROMISES -- even when it's costly or
inconvenient.

TREAT EVERYONE WITH RESPECT -- even if they don't
deserve it.

FULFILL YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES -- even if you could
dodge them.

DO WHAT'S RIGHT -- even if you have a right to do
something less.

BE ACCOUNTABLE -- even if you have a good excuse or
scapegoat.

BE FAIR -- even when you can take more than your share.

BE KIND -- even to strangers and people who can't help
you.

PLAY BY THE RULES -- even when others aren't.

KEEP GETTING BETTER - even if you think you're good
enough. 

For Commentaries go to:
http://whatwillmatter.com/category/commentary/ 

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character
counts. 

© 2014 Josephson Institute of Ethics; reprinted with
permission. Michael Josephson, one of the nation's
leading ethicists, is the founder of the Josephson
Institute of Ethics and the premier youth character
education program, CHARACTER COUNTS! For further
information visit www.charactercounts.org.

Three Perspectives on Maturity

  by Michael Josephson on December 12, 2014 

Maturity is the ability to stick with a job until it's
finished; to do a job without being supervised; to
carry money without spending it. -- Ann Landers

Everyone grows older; some attain maturity; a few
become wise. It's what you do with the experiences that
come with growing older that makes all the difference. 

Maturity is being able to do a job well, even when you
don't feel like it so you earn respect to bounce back
from mistakes and misfortunes with confidence and
optimism so you become stronger and to learn from every
experience so you become wiser. 

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character
counts. 

© 2015 Josephson Institute of Ethics; reprinted with
permission. Michael Josephson, one of the nation's
leading ethicists, is the founder of the Josephson
Institute of Ethics and the premier youth character
education program, CHARACTER COUNTS! For further
information visit www.charactercounts.org.

Listening: A Vital Dimension of Respect 

  By Michael Josephson of CHARACTER COUNTS (909.4) 

We demonstrate the virtue of respect for others by
being courteous and civil, and treating everyone in a
manner that acknowledges and honors basic human
dignity.

An important but often neglected aspect of respect is
listening to what others say. Respectful listening is
more than hearing. It requires us to consider what's
being said. That's hard when we've heard it before,
aren't interested, or don't think much of the person
talking. It's even worse when we act like we're
listening, but are just waiting for our turn to speak.

The fact is, most of us don't listen well, certainly
not all the time, and especially with those closest to
us. Kids are especially adept at tuning out their
parents; but parents are equally skilled at ignoring or
dismissing as foolish or irrelevant what kids have to
say.

The disrespect of not listening is most apparent when
others ignore or patronize us: (rolling their eyes in a
show of impatience or contempt or faking interest with
a vacant stare or wandering eyes).

We all want to know that what we say and think matters.
But if we want others to care about what we say, we
need to care about what they say. Like all the
important virtues, we teach respect best by
demonstrating it. So listen up! It'll make people feel
better, and you may learn something.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character
counts. 

For Commentaries go to:
http://whatwillmatter.com/category/commentary/ 

© 2015 Josephson Institute of Ethics; reprinted with
permission. Michael Josephson, one of the nation's
leading ethicists, is the founder of the Josephson
Institute of Ethics and the premier youth character
education program, CHARACTER COUNTS! For further
information visit www.charactercounts.org.

Character Is a Choice

  By Michael Josephson of CHARACTER COUNTS

"There's no doubt that our character has a profound
effect on our future. 

What we must remember, however, is not merely how
powerful character is in influencing our destiny, but
how powerful we are in shaping our own character and,
therefore, our own destiny? Character may determine our
fate, but character is not determined by fate."

For Commentaries go to:
http://whatwillmatter.com/category/commentary/ 

© 2015 Josephson Institute of Ethics; reprinted with
permission. Michael Josephson, one of the nation's
leading ethicists, is the founder of the Josephson
Institute of Ethics and the premier youth character
education program, CHARACTER COUNTS! For further
information visit www.charactercounts.org.

Control Your Choices and Control Your Life

  By Michael Josephson of CHARACTER COUNTS (904.4) 

Our choices reveal our character, but more importantly
they shape our character. Thus, the more aware we
become of the choices we make every single day--choices
about our attitudes, words, actions and reactions--the
more power we have over our own destiny.

Senator Bob Bennett of Utah said, "Your life is the sum
result of all the choices you make .... If you can
control the process of choosing, you can take control
of all aspects of your life. You can find the freedom
that comes from being in charge of yourself."

It's true. When we accept moral responsibility for our
choices, we take charge of our lives. Yet one of the
most common rationalizations for moral compromise is
the claim that "I had no choice." Executives or school
administrators who cheat to protect their jobs,
athletes who take illegal performance-enhancing drugs
to stay competitive, and employees who resort to lying
to get what they want frequently convince themselves
that they were forced to do whatever they did.

This self-delusion of powerlessness is particularly
strong in teenagers who struggle to deal with
hormone-intensified impulses and emotions that can
create moods and urges that seem beyond control.

Despite the power of intense desire, fear and fury, we
always have the power to choose what we think, say and
do--even when we're under tremendous pressure, and even
when we don't like our options.

Like a ship without a captain to steer it, when we hide
behind a self-justifying illusion of helplessness, our
lives move in aimless and random directions and
sometimes run aground. If we take control, we have
control.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character
counts. 

© 2015 Josephson Institute of Ethics; reprinted with
permission. Michael Josephson, one of the nation's
leading ethicists, is the founder of the Josephson
Institute of Ethics and the premier youth character
education program, CHARACTER COUNTS! For further
information visit www.charactercounts.org.

Be What You Want to Be

  By Michael Josephson of CHARACTER COUNTS (900.4) 

"What will you be when you grow up?"

It's a serious question. As kids, we knew we were going
to be something, and that to be something was to be
someone. Even as our ambitions changed, we knew what we
were going to be was important and our choice.

When I entered UCLA Law School in 1964, I wanted to do
good. Yet when I graduated three years later, I just
wanted to do well. My life's mission had changed, not
as the result of conscious choice but as a surrender to
the momentum of an elaborate matchmaking ritual: the
ultimate competition to get job offers from the most
prestigious employers and to attain the most
hard-to-get jobs.

Money was definitely a factor, as almost all of us had
student loans to pay off, but the larger force was a
desire for validation. I was, by inclination and
training, highly competitive. Getting a coveted job was
the ultimate trophy. Intoxicated with a desire to win,
I abandoned my wish of being significant in favor of
being successful.

I was lucky. The tax firm I wanted didn't make me an
offer, so I took a teaching position at the University
of Michigan Law School. I discovered I loved teaching
and stayed with it for nearly 20 years before I founded
an ethics institute in honor of my parents.

You may start out intending to be the captain, but if
you're not careful, you may find yourself drifting in
another direction, a passenger on your own ship. Your
life is too important to be little.

Be what you want to be. 

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character
counts. 

(c) 2015 Josephson Institute of Ethics; reprinted with
permission. Michael Josephson, one of the nation's
leading ethicists, is the founder of the Josephson
Institute of Ethics and the premier youth character
education program, CHARACTER COUNTS! For further
information visit www.charactercounts.org 

It's Not Easy

  By Michael Josephson of CHARACTER COUNTS (903.4) 

Let's be honest. Ethics is not for wimps.

It's not easy being a good person.

It's not easy to be honest when it might be costly, to
play fair when others cheat, or to keep inconvenient
promises.

It's not easy to stand up for our beliefs and still
respect differing viewpoints.

It's not easy to control powerful impulses, to be
accountable for our attitudes and actions, to tackle
unpleasant tasks, or to sacrifice the now for later.

It's not easy to bear criticism and learn from it
without getting angry, to take advice, or to admit
error.

It's not easy to feel genuine remorse and apologize
sincerely or to accept apologies graciously and truly
forgive.

It's not easy to stop feeling like a victim, to resist
cynicism, or to make the best of every situation.

It's not easy to be consistently kind, to think of
others first, to judge generously, or to give the
benefit of the doubt.

It's not easy to be grateful or to give without concern
for reward or gratitude.

It's not easy to fail and still keep trying, to learn
from failure, to risk failing again, to start over, to
lose with grace, or to be glad of another's success.

It's not easy to look at ourselves honestly and be
accountable, to avoid excuses and rationalizations, or
to resist temptations.

No, being a person of character isn't easy. That's why
it's such a lofty goal and an admirable achievement.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character
counts. 

(c) 2015 Josephson Institute of Ethics; reprinted with
permission. Michael Josephson, one of the nation's
leading ethicists, is the founder of the Josephson
Institute of Ethics and the premier youth character
education program, CHARACTER COUNTS! For further
information visit www.charactercounts.org

Benny: the Man on the Bus

  By Michael Josephson of Character Counts (391.4) 

This is a parable about leadership.

A teacher assigned her 12th graders to pick a leader
and write an essay. Most kids wrote about famous
people, but a student named Julius titled his paper
"Benny: The Man on the Bus."

Julius wrote that he'd been taking a public bus to
school for years. Since most passengers were going to
work, almost no one ever talked to anyone else.

About a year ago, an elderly man got on the bus and
said loudly to the driver, "Good morning!" Most people
looked up annoyed and the bus driver just grunted. The
next day the man got on at the same stop and again he
said loudly, "Good morning!" to the driver. By the
fifth day, the driver greeted the man with a cheerful
"Good morning!"

Soon, the man added, "My name is Benny. What's yours?"
The driver said, "Good morning, Benny. I'm Ralph."

That was the first time the riders knew the driver's
name and now people began to talk to each other and say
hello to Ralph and Benny. Soon Benny extended his
cheerful "Good morning!" to the whole bus. After a
week, his "Good morning" was returned by a whole bunch
of "Good mornings" and the entire bus seemed to be
friendlier.

"A leader is someone who makes something happen,"
Julius said. "Benny was a leader in friendliness."

But last month Benny stopped getting on the bus.
Everyone thought, "Maybe he died," and no one knew what
to do. The bus got awful quiet again and Julius didn't
like that.

"So," he wrote, "I started to say 'Good morning' to
everyone and they cheered up again. I guess I'm now the
leader."

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character
counts. 

(c) 2005 Josephson Institute of Ethics; reprinted with
permission. Michael Josephson, one of the nation's
leading ethicists, is the founder of the Josephson
Institute of Ethics and the premier youth character
education program, CHARACTER COUNTS! For further
information visit www.charactercounts.org.

Grocery Store Ethics

  By Michael Josephson of CHARACTER COUNTS (891.5) 

You can tell a lot about people's character by how they
act at the grocery store. I remember being in a crowded
store when there was a shortage of shopping carts. A
prosperous-looking fellow was pushing a cart when
another man stopped him.

"Excuse me," the second man said, "but this is my
cart."

The first guy looked really annoyed. Instead of
apologizing, he protested, "But someone took my cart."

His wife glared at him, and he reluctantly relinquished
his ill-gotten gain. He had ignored the age-old wisdom
that two wrongs don't make a right in favor of a
distorted version of the Golden Rule: "Do unto others
as they have done unto you."

Then there are the folks who change their mind about
buying some item and put it on the nearest shelf,
rationalizing that the store hires people to put things
back. Well, schools employ custodians to clean the
halls. Does that mean it's OK for kids to throw their
candy wrappers on the floor?

Finally, there are express-line cheaters who enter the
"10 items or less" line with 14 items because they're
in a hurry, or simply because they love having a
competitive edge. They count on the fact that no one
will call them on this moral misdemeanor, and even if
someone does, they're ready to play lawyer: "It depends
on what you call an item. I consider these melons part
of the 'fruit group' and I count them as one."

Being considerate, playing by the rules, and setting a
good example are important, even in the grocery store.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character
counts. 

(c) 2015 Josephson Institute of Ethics; reprinted with
permission. Michael Josephson, one of the nation's
leading ethicists, is the founder of the Josephson
Institute of Ethics and the premier youth character
education program, CHARACTER COUNTS! For further
information visit www.charactercounts.org.

You Can't Lose by Relentlessly Pursuing Excellence

By Michael Josephson of CHARACTER COUNTS (August 1,
2014) 

As I embark on a pilgrimage with my 65-year-old little
brother to see the Baseball Hall of Fame, I am also
frantically trying to complete a book on "The Exemplary
Policing Organization."

As my two worlds collided, I got to thinking about what
it means to be exemplary, to be one of the best ever at
something--to be worthy of inclusion in a hall of fame.

At the root of this has to be a relentless pursuit of
excellence and a combination of humility and
hubris--the humility to realize that, however good you
are now, you could be better, and the hubris to believe
you are good enough to be better.

It also occurred to me that while being among the very
best may be the ultimate goal, the only way to achieve
that goal is to continually strive to be better. Being
better than you were before does not necessarily make
you one of the best, but it is the only road to where
you want to go.

And even if you do not end up in the hall of fame of
what you do, being better is still better. You can't
lose by relentlessly pursuing excellence.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character
counts. 

(c) 2015 Josephson Institute of Ethics; reprinted with
permission. Michael Josephson, one of the nation's
leading ethicists, is the founder of the Josephson
Institute of Ethics and the premier youth character
education program, CHARACTER COUNTS! For further
information visit www.charactercounts.org.

He Made You

  By Michael Josephson of CHARACTER COUNTS (891.2) 

As Lily Tomlin said, "No matter how cynical I get, I
can't keep up."

Our economy has been shattered by widespread corporate
fraud; kids lie, steal, and cheat at unprecedented
rates; and their parents beat up each other or referees
at youth sports events, or supply alcohol to fuel
organized hazing. Our confidence in the integrity of
journalistic institutions, the accounting profession,
stockbrokers, college sports, organized religion, and
business in general is continually shaken by a
relentless barrage of shameful behavior.

It's tempting to throw up our hands in despair and
surrender to cynicism.

It reminds me of the tale of the pious young man whose
car broke down on his way to his place of worship. He
had to walk through an area where homeless people
huddled against buildings for warmth; alcoholics and
mentally ill adults wandered the streets, and crack
dealers sold drugs to kids. He was overcome with a
sense of despondency and doubt about the power and
intentions of God.

"God," he prayed, "how can You allow all this pain and
misery and do nothing?" Receiving no answer, he became
frustrated and raised his voice, "Lord, my faith is at
issue! How can You allow all this suffering and do
nothing?"

Then someone behind him whispered, "He didn't do
nothing. He made you."

What a profound insight and daunting responsibility it
is to realize that you are the instrument of reform;
that your courage, compassion, and creativity in your
own sphere of influence can set into motion a ripple
effect of healing actions and attitudes to make a
better world.

For Commentaries go to:
http://whatwillmatter.com/category/commentary/ 

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character
counts. 

(c) 2015 Josephson Institute of Ethics; reprinted with
permission. Michael Josephson, one of the nation's
leading ethicists, is the founder of the Josephson
Institute of Ethics and the premier youth character
education program, CHARACTER COUNTS! For further
information visit www.charactercounts.org.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

By Michael Josephson of CHARACTER COUNTS (895.1) 

R - E - S - P - E - C - T. Aretha Franklin reminded us
how it's spelled, but a lot of us need coaching on how
to show it. In both personal and political
relationships, the failure to treat each other with
respect is generating incivility, contempt and
violence.

There's an important distinction between respecting a
person in the sense that we admire and hold that person
in especially high esteem, and treating others with
respect. While respecting others is desirable,
respectfulness is morally mandatory. Thus, people of
character treat everyone with respect, even those who
are not personally respect worthy.

The way we behave toward others is an expression of our
values and character. Thus, we should treat others with
respect; not because they have a right, but because we
have a moral duty to do unto others the way we want
them to do unto us. Again, it's not because they
deserve it, but because doing less would diminish our
own character.

That's the message in an old story about a politician
who found himself being drawn into mudslinging and
name-calling. Once he realized he was lowering himself
to his opponent's level, he stopped and said, "Sir, I
will treat you as a gentleman, not because you are one,
but because I am one."

It can take a lot of self-control to be respectful to
people who are nasty, dishonorable, or disrespectful to
us. Still, our inner sense of integrity should help us
resist temptations to "fight fire with fire." As Lily
Tomlin said, "The problem with the rat race is that,
even if you win, you're still a rat." 

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character
counts. 

(c) 2015 Josephson Institute of Ethics; reprinted with
permission. Michael Josephson, one of the nation's
leading ethicists, is the founder of the Josephson
Institute of Ethics and the premier youth character
education program, CHARACTER COUNTS! For further
information visit www.charactercounts.org.

Too Poor to Give

  By Michael Josephson of CHARACTER COUNTS (897.2) 

When Teresa, a widow with four young children, saw a
notice that members of her church would gather to
deliver presents and food to a needy family, she took
$10 out of her savings jar and bought the ingredients
to make three dozen cookies. She got to the church
parking lot just in time to join a convoy going to the
home that was to receive the congregation's help.

The route was familiar, and she was stunned when the
cars pulled up in front of her house. When the pastor
saw her, he said, "We never expected you to join us,
Teresa. We know it's been a great struggle since your
husband died, and we all wanted to support you."

Although she was uncomfortable being thought of as the
object of charity, Teresa didn't want to embarrass
anyone so she cheerfully said, "Well, at least I can
share these cookies with our friends."

This parable teaches us that no one is too poor to help
others and that true charity is rooted in love and
compassion. Poverty of spirit is worse than economic
distress. Teresa's story reminds us that very few of us
give as much as we could and should.

My friend Larry Rosen, former president of the YMCA of
Metropolitan Los Angeles, introduced me to the concept
of "sacrificial giving"--giving in abundance to a point
where one must sacrifice something one desires.

You can start out easy. Take whatever amount you were
thinking of giving to charity, then double it. If
that's too much, increase it by 50 percent instead. The
idea is to stretch yourself. It will mean a lot to
those you help, but it will mean as much to your heart.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character
counts. 

(c) 2015 Josephson Institute of Ethics; reprinted with
permission. Michael Josephson, one of the nation's
leading ethicists, is the founder of the Josephson
Institute of Ethics and the premier youth character
education program, CHARACTER COUNTS! For further
information visit www.charactercounts.org.

Eighteen Random Rules of Life

  By Michael Josephson of CHARACTER COUNTS (890.3) 

I love maxims, those concise capsules of worldly
wisdom. I collect them and write them and, of course,
love to share them. Here are 18 random rules of life
worth posting on your mirror or, better yet, using as
dinner-time discussion starters.

1. Find the lesson in every failure and you'll never 
    fail.
2. The likelihood that you're right is not increased
    by the intensity of your conviction.
3. Real friends help you feel worthy and make you want
    to be better.
4. When you're in a hole, stop digging.
5. Don't confuse fun with fulfillment, or pleasure
    with happiness.
6. Refusing to let go of a grudge is refusing to use
    the key that will set you free.
7. Hating hurts you more than the person you hate.
8. Counting on luck is counting on random chance. Your
    odds are much better when you plan and work.
9. Being kind is better than being clever.
10. Don't underestimate the power of persistence.
11. The easy way is rarely the best way.
12. It's much easier to burst someone else's bubble 
    than to blow up your own.
13. You can't avoid pain, but you can avoid suffering.
14. Self-pity is a losing strategy. It repels others
    and weakens you.
15. Shortcuts usually produce short success.
16. Control your attitude or it will control you.
17. It's more important to be significant than
    successful.
18. The world is waiting for you to heal it. 

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character
counts. 

(c) 2015 Josephson Institute of Ethics; reprinted with
permission. Michael Josephson, one of the nation's
leading ethicists, is the founder of the Josephson
Institute of Ethics and the premier youth character
education program, CHARACTER COUNTS! For further
information visit www.charactercounts.org.

The Purpose of Work 

  BY Michael Josephson, CHARACTER COUNTS (269.1)

Obviously, the most fundamental purpose of work is to
attain adequate food and shelter. But once the
essentials of survival are taken care of, attitudes
about work differ.

Those who simply view work as a means of survival or
attaining wealth do just what they have to do to meet
their needs. People with high material ambitions may
work extremely hard, sacrificing relationships and
other life goals in the process. Their work is simply a
means to an end. Such people are apt to stay in jobs
they don't like in the hope it will buy them happiness
in another venue.

Others consider their work as an intrinsic part of
their lives. They identify with their jobs, and the way
they do their work is an expression of their
personhood. Whether they like their jobs or not, they
take pride in their work and strive toward virtues like
conscientiousness, reliability, devotion and the
pursuit of excellence.

The most fortunate of all are those that find both
meaning and pleasure in their labor. They view their
jobs as careers. The great test of the perfect job is:
If you could afford to, would you do it even if you
weren't paid? Interestingly, the people most likely to
say yes are teachers, coaches, police officers, social
workers and others who derive joy and meaning out of
serving others.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character
counts.

(c) 2005 Josephson Institute of Ethics; reprinted with
permission. Michael Josephson, one of the nation's
leading ethicists, is the founder of the Josephson
Institute of Ethics and the premier youth character
education program, CHARACTER COUNTS! For further
information visit www.charactercounts.org.

The Six Pillars of Character

  By Michael Josephson of CHARACTER COUNTS

Trustworthiness
Be honest. 
Don't deceive, cheat, or steal. 
Be reliable--do what you say you'll do.
Have the courage to do the right thing.
Build a good reputation. 
Be loyal--stand by your family, friends, 
and country.
Respect--Treat others with respect; follow 
the Golden Rule. 

Respect
Be tolerant and accepting of differences. 
Use good manners, not bad language. 
Be considerate of the feelings of others. 
Don't threaten, hit or hurt anyone. 
Deal peacefully with anger, insults, and
disagreements. 

Responsibility 
Do what you are supposed to do. 
Plan ahead. 
Persevere: keep on trying! 
Always do your best. 
Use self-control. 
Be self-disciplined.
Think before you act--consider the consequences.
Be accountable for your words, actions, and
attitudes. 
Set a good example for others. 

Fairness 
Play by the rules.
Take turns and share. 
Be open-minded; listen to others. 
Don't take advantage of others.
Don't blame others carelessly. 
Treat all people fairly. 

Caring 
Be kind. 
Be compassionate and show you care. 
Express gratitude. 
Forgive others. 
Help people in need. 

Citizenship 
Do your share to make your school and community 
better. 
Cooperate. 
Get involved in community affairs. 
Stay informed; vote. 
Be a good neighbor.
Obey laws and rules. 
Respect authority. 
Protect the environment.
Volunteer. 

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character
counts. 

(c) 2015 Josephson Institute of Ethics; reprinted with
permission. Michael Josephson, one of the nation's
leading ethicists, is the founder of the Josephson
Institute of Ethics and the premier youth character
education program, CHARACTER COUNTS! For further
information visit
http://charactercounts.org/sixpillars.html.

Grocery Store Ethics

  By Michael Josephson of CHARACTER COUNTS (891.5) 

You can tell a lot about people's character by how they
act at the grocery store. I remember being in a crowded
store when there was a shortage of shopping carts. A
prosperous-looking fellow was pushing a cart when
another man stopped him.

"Excuse me," the second man said, "but this is my
cart."

The first guy looked really annoyed. Instead of
apologizing, he protested, "But someone took my cart."

His wife glared at him, and he reluctantly relinquished
his ill-gotten gain. He had ignored the age-old wisdom
that two wrongs don't make a right in favor of a
distorted version of the Golden Rule: "Do unto others
as they have done unto you."

Then there are the folks who change their mind about
buying some item and put it on the nearest shelf,
rationalizing that the store hires people to put things
back. Well, schools employ custodians to clean the
halls. Does that mean it's OK for kids to throw their
candy wrappers on the floor?

Finally, there are express-line cheaters who enter the
"10 items or less" line with 14 items because they're
in a hurry, or simply because they love having a
competitive edge. They count on the fact that no one
will call them on this moral misdemeanor, and even if
someone does, they're ready to play lawyer: "It depends
on what you call an item. I consider these melons part
of the 'fruit group' and I count them as one."

Being considerate, playing by the rules, and setting a
good example are important, even in the grocery store.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character
counts. 

(c) 2015 Josephson Institute of Ethics; reprinted with
permission. Michael Josephson, one of the nation's
leading ethicists, is the founder of the Josephson
Institute of Ethics and the premier youth character
education program, CHARACTER COUNTS! For further
information visit www.charactercounts.org.