Dealing with grief 12 part Series with Lyn Chaffart

DEATH AND GRIEVING, Part 12

In Dealing with Grief Part 11, we learned that when we follow God's lead and speak out His Words, even to perfect strangers, we never know when we may be speaking life into someone who is grieving, when we may be helping them to not get stuck in the grieving cycle! This last devotional, another personal story of a Nugget Writer, deals with the all important "Why?" Question:

WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN?

Why do bad things happen to good people? Why does a loving God allow death, sickness and other hard things to happen to His people? I have pondered those questions many times and although I am not eloquent in speech or an astute Bible student I have settled those questions in my own mind. I will try to share some of my thoughts - just in case someone out there is struggling with the same questions.

I am reminded of the old hymn "Does Jesus Care". One stanza asks --

"Does Jesus care when I've said goodbye to the dearest on earth to me, and my sad heart aches till it nearly breaks - Is it aught to Him? Does he see?

And the answer --- O yes, He cares, I know He cares! His heart is touched with my grief; When the days are weary, the long nights dreary, I know my Savior cares."

The year 1998 is a year that I will never forget! In January my dear Mother lost her fight with cancer. It was her desire that she die at home and my husband and I honored that request. She breathed her last one afternoon with us at her side. She had been sick for about 2 years and in a way it was a relief to us because she had suffered so long and now she was at rest. But - knowing she was no longer suffering and that she was in a better place didn't soften our sorrow and as we picked up the pieces of our lives we often mentioned to each other how much we missed her.

Then came the very worst day of my life. It was in early December, 1998, in Ocean Springs, MS. I was awakened in the night by the sound of my beloved husband's heart attack. He was lying on the floor at the foot of our bed - breathing his last! This was a man who was - seemingly - in the bloom of health. He was involved in fulfilling a dream - his dream of running across the United States - something he had dreamed about for several years, and there he was lying dead on the floor of our motor home.

Even beginning to explain all the things that went through my mind that early morning --- I don't have the words to describe, even now over 10 years later. My life, my other self, the love of my life lay dead at my feet. God where are you? The blur of the funeral, decisions, where to live, what to do?

God in his mercy helped me through those awful times. My son and daughter came immediately to assist with decisions that had to be made. I was numb. I couldn't think or make good decisions. I am thankful for my family and good friends who helped me through those dark times.

Sadly, I couldn't see any good in my losses. I couldn't see that God in his mercy let my mother go to sleep so she wouldn't suffer anymore. I still don't know why He let my beloved and loving husband die at age 67 but I AM thankful that he didn't live to be an invalid.

Still I struggled, I allowed myself to drift from God - not far - but too far. I muttered things like "why me?". I didn't get an answer, at least not right away.

Fast forward to Christmas 2000. I had moved to Canada by this time to be near my daughter. I had been experiencing severe pain in my right hip and was using a cane to get around. Then one morning I heard a C-R-U-N-C-H and I knew, I just KNEW my hip had broken. 5 years went by in which I endured 10 surgeries on hip and thigh. Surgery #5 resulted in a severe Staph infection in my right thigh and the certainty of losing my leg loomed before me. God in his mercy, didn't let that happen - surgeries 6,7 and 8 resulted in a thorough cleansing of the infection and assured that I would not lose my leg. Praise God for an excellent doctor and for answering my prayers and those of my friends. As a result of the infection and in the process of the last 2 surgeries, my knee became damaged so that I can no longer walk without a walker but PRAISE GOD I can get around!

It was near Christmas in 2005. I was sitting in my chair talking to a friend on the telephone when my daughter and son-in-law came in my home. They both work and should have been at their jobs so I knew immediately that something had happened. They came to tell me that my youngest son had died. He had been bothered with depression and finally the hopelessness of his life overcame him and he ended his life. What more God? Then I remembered something. God had to sit on his throne in heaven and watch HIS son die on that awful cross. Jesus who lived a sinless life died at Calvary so that you and I can have eternal life. Brothers and sisters - NO ONE knows better than God what it is like to lose a son.

After awhile, as each affliction occurred, I drew closer to God. Once I cried out to God, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" The answer came back to me "You have forsaken me". THAT is when I realized that my walk along the Christian pathway had been only a shadow of what it should have been. Now, each day I am walking closer to God. Each day I study His word and I invite Him into my heart and thank Him for my blessings. I can see, hear, use my hands and live an almost normal life. I have been blessed with loving children and grandchildren and many friends. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else besides where I am.

Friends it is OK to be sad for a little while. Remember the shortest verse in the Bible? "Jesus wept" (John 11:35). Yes, it is all right to feel sad but then remember that Jesus sees our sorrow and He feels sad, too. Never take your eyes off of Jesus. He is there and He cares.

I have read that when a butterfly comes out of its cocoon it has to struggle and if someone unwisely 'helps' the butterfly will not be whole. God gives us struggles so that we can grow to be the people He wants us to be. Everyone's struggles are different but they are for our good - to make us ready for heaven.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13)

Wynona Gordon*

In this final edition of Dealing With Grief, let's remember that no matter what we are going through, no matter what we have already been through, no matter what still lies on our plate in the future, God will not only get us through it, but if we allow the troubles to draw us closer to Him, He will bring good out of the bad situations. He will help us to live and love again. He will restore us to happiness!

If you have missed any edition of Dealing with Grief, these devotionals are posted on-line at www.scripturalnuggets.org/folder6/dealing_with_grief.htm , or if you do not have full Internet access, email me at submissions@scripturalnuggets.org , and I will be happy to forward them to you.

God bless each of you as you deal with your own grief and as you help others to deal with theirs. Remember, God's love is at the centre of everything that happens! You can trust Him to work it all out in the end!

In His love, Lyn Chaffart Moderator, The Nugget.

* Besides being a Nugget writer, Wynona Gordon is a mother of three and a grandmother of 7. In her spare time, she knits for the homeless, she researches genealogy, she hosts her local Bible study group, and serves as "taxi driver" for her grandchildren and "chief cook and baker" to her daughter and family.

Dealing with Grief, Part 11:

Comfort From Above



In Dealing with Grief Part 10, we learned that sometimes, when we are helping others deal with grief, our place is just to be there and to listen. Our encouraging silence will speak volumes more than our words ever could. Today's devotional, another personal story of a Nugget Writer, gives us one last idea about how we can help others deal with grief:

COMFORT FROM ABOVE

We had finally arrived in the megalopolis of Los Angeles, cross-eyed with fatigue. Due to a series of delayed flights, difficulties finding the hotel, and problems with our reserved rooms, it was 4 a.m., Eastern Standard Time, when we finally got to bed. It had been a rushed trip, imposed upon us by an unexpected death in the family, and quite naturally, once we were awake enough to notice, we realized that we had forgotten to pack certain, rather essential items - socks, shampoo, and well, you get the picture! It would seem that when we packed our bags, our brains weren't working quite as meticulously as usual!

Across the street from our hotel was a K-Mart. As we entered, a sales-lady immediately befriended us. We were looking for about 8 different items in 8 different sections of the store, and while she patiently guided us to each one of them, she talked and laughed, apparently doing everything in her power to brighten our day. How could she have known?

The last item retrieved, we were now headed for the cash register, and our personal K-Mart guide took her leave of us. Before doing so, however, she stopped in her tracks, looked into our eyes and said: "Have a Merry Christmas, and don't forget, Jesus loves you!"

This young girl was a Christian, one who wasn't afraid to testify of His love, even in such a large, busy city! We were so touched, and it gave us great comfort during that difficult day.

Later that same day and in a totally different part of the city, we went to another Superstore. It was a Wal-Mart this time, and our goal was to purchase construction paper and double-sided tape in order to mount some pictures of our beloved family member. At the check-out stand, the cashier looked into our eyes and said: "I am not supposed to say this, but I'll be praying for you! God bless you! He will brighten your Christmas!"

We were blessed beyond means. Two similar messages, coming from two different vendors in two different stores, both risking their positions to bring us a message of hope. Wow! How powerful was their testimony! It lifted us up for our remaining time in Southern California. We had seen a glimpse from above and knew beyond a doubt that our Heavenly Father was comforting us.

When you depend upon God's Holy Spirit, you can never go wrong. Just as these two vendors brought us relief in ways unknown to men, sharing God's love with others will always open doors that could have remained closed for ever. Only God can truly bring relief to those in misery, and only God's peace can appease the turmoil of our hearts. Only divine love can comfort us: "My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life." (Ps 119:50 NIV); "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33 NIV); and "God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." (Rom 5:5 NIV)

God is here, and He manifests Himself majestically through His Spirit, His Word and His human agents, those Christians who depend solely on Him for guidance.

Do you want to make a difference in this world? Depend on God's Spirit and follow His inner promptings. He will guide you every step of the way!

"When he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth." (John 16:13 NIV)

Are you by any chance looking for socks? What about shampoo ...?

Rob Chaffart*

Friends, we usually don't know what's going on in the lives of those we interact with daily. Many of these dear souls may be grieving. Our smiles and our words can go a long way towards helping these people to cope. The next time God pushes you to say something, such as "God bless you! He loves you so much!" Or "Keep looking to Jesus" to someone, even a perfect stranger, do it! You never know! You may be helping them to deal with grief! Your words may be what they need to keep them from getting stuck in the grieving cycle!

Join us next week for the last edition of Dealing With Grief: A personal testimony of someone who suffered a lot of pain in a very short while, and who discovered the answer to the "Why do bad things happen?" Question: Dealing with Grief, Part 12: Why do Bad Things Happen?

* Rob Chaffart, Father of two teens, Teacher, Author and Moderator for the Illustrator and the Sermon Illustrator website (www.sermonillustrator.org ), founder of Answers2Prayer Ministries (www.Answer2Prayer.org )

DEATH AND GRIEVING, Part 10

In Dealing with Grief Part 9, we learned that when someone you know is grieving, your prayers make more of a difference than you could possibly know! Today's devotional gives us yet another idea about how we can help others deal with grief:

AN ENCOURAGING SILENCE

"Jesus kept silence--not a word from his mouth. The governor was impressed, really impressed." (Mat 27:14 The Message)

Silence can be a big encouragement to many people. I am not talking here about failing to show appreciation. I am simply saying that there are times when silence is golden and means more than a myriad of words.

Jesus' silence when falsely accused "impressed" the governor. Why? Because it is a human tendency to always defend ourselves. Not so with Jesus. His silence had more meaning to the governor than any defense Jesus might have given on His behalf. This is why Pilate was convinced that Jesus was innocent! (see Luk 23:4)

I remember the night my dad passed away. A somber message from my brother was left on our answering machine in the middle of the night. I made immediately all the necessary arrangements for my wife and I to fly to Belgium and to make arrangements for my mother-in-law (bless her) to fly out from California to take care of our son who was sick with the flu. I didn't completely comprehend at the time that my dad was gone. It wasn't until I saw him laying lifeless in the hospital that it hit home. That's when my tears poured forth. I didn't know the Lord at the time, and I thought he would never be able to enjoy the pleasure of sight any longer. My world had seemed to have crumbled.

Many people came to give me their condolences. They filled the air with meaningless words. I know they meant well, but my state of mind was not such that I could appreciate their words. The ones who were the most annoying were the ones who made long speeches. Didn't they understand I couldn't grasp what they said? I was living in fog. I felt empty and completely discouraged, and all of these well-meaning friends were keeping me from grieving!

However, there was one person and one person alone who made a difference as I struggled to cope with the loss of my dad. That person had insisted of coming with me to Belgium. That person had insisted on being with me in my darkest hour. That person never uttered a word. She held my hand when I needed a presence. She hugged me when I needed comfort. She even held me in her arms when I tried to fall asleep at night, although later on I found out that this kept her from sleeping herself. She cried when I cried. This person's presence made a whole difference to me during my time of mourning. Her silence meant more to me that the hundreds of encouragements I verbally received. This person was my wife, Lyn. By silently caring about me, she helped to turn my world rightside up again.

I would like to encourage any of you who find yourselves in the situation where you need to console someone, just be there. Hold them if they need comfort, cry with them for their loss. You being there will mean the world to them. Many years may pass by, but they will always remember that you were the one who really mourned, the one sent by God to help them out of the state of fog their mind was in. Your silence will be golden and will be perceived as the best encouragement they could have ever received.

The same is true when we pray. How often do we give endless monologues that end up with us still not knowing God's will for our situation? God's Word is clear on this:

"Quiet, everyone! Shh! Silence before GOD. Something's afoot in his holy house. He's on the move!" (Zec 2:13 Message)

We need to be quiet to be able to hear His voice! Prayer is not a monologue, it's a dialogue and we need to wait and listen to God's response. No wonder that so many people hate praying. Who likes monologues? I don't know of many people who do. However if you let God talk with you, you will hunger for more of these conversations with God.

I love my moments when I am in dialogue with my Heavenly father. The best way for me to do so is to go for a power walk with my Forever Friend. I always come back from my walk enriched and blessed. The more I listen to Him and the less I talk, the more blessed I am.

"Silence is praise to you, Zion-dwelling God, And also obedience." (Psa 65:1 Message)

When we are in communication with God, and we take the time to listen, our silence is considered by God as a praise offering. It also shows our obedience because it shows that we want to hear His voice. We want to know His will. We care for His directions in our lives. We realize that He is the One who makes a difference in our world. He is so awesome.

My Heavenly Father holds me, too, when I need comfort. He cares for me way beyond anyone on this planet. And He cares for you in the same way! Will you go for a power walk with God right now? Listen to His voice. Wait on Him. You will be amazed to His revelations. He wants to have a relationship with you. Go for it and enjoy it! Silence can be golden!

Rob Chaffart*
And what can we learn from this devotional? When helping others to deal with grief, sometimes our place is just to be there and to listen. Our encouraging silence will speak volumes more than our words ever could.

Please join us next week for one last lesson on how we can help others deal with grief in Dealing with Grief, Part 11: Comfort From Above

* Rob Chaffart, Father of two teens, Teacher, Author and Moderator for the Illustrator and the Sermon Illustrator website (www.sermonillustrator.org ), founder of Answers2Prayer Ministries

Dealing with Grief, Part 9

In Dealing with Grief Part 8, we learned that when bad things happen, we need to remind ourselves that the ones who are left behind are the ones who grieve! God was the first to experience grief! He knows all about it! Today's devotional shifts focus slightly by bringing us an important lesson in how we can help others deal with grief:

DEALING WITH THE DEATH OF A DADDY



Who, at 37 years of age, still calls their father "Daddy"?

Only someone with a VERY special dad.

The special father who merits the title of "daddy" must be someone who is still so involved with his adult child that he will spend his vacation times repairing her house and babysitting her children. That special father must be someone who is a fountain of wisdom and knows how to make peace and provide encouragement, as well as gentle guidance. That special father must be someone who still brings his adult, married daughter flowers. That special father must be someone … Just like my daddy!

It was 11 years ago that I flew out to California for my younger brother's wedding. Though most of the details of the trip are very fuzzy in my memory, one thing stands out clearly: Daddy brought me a bouquet of flowers.

Unfortunately, I kind of took it for granted at the time. After all, it wasn't uncommon for daddy to bring me flowers. But the reason I remember the incident so clearly is that this was the last gift he would ever give me…

Daddy spent the next 5 months running 10 miles a day, slowly making his way across the United States on foot. He and my mother were in Biloxi, Mississippi when I got the call in the wee hours of the morning. It was my brother and sister-in-law: "Dad had a heart attack. He's gone."

We made plans in a rush. I would fly to Mississippi to be with my mother. I would then fly with her to California where my family would meet us. My suitcase was quickly thrown together, and although my plane wasn't going to leave until noon, we were at the airport by 9:30 a.m. Why so early? Because I needed something to keep my mind and my hands occupied, something to hold off the memories that I wasn't yet ready to deal with.

But now I had two and a half hours on my hands…

My original plans for that day had included going to church, and since my church at the time was only minutes from the airport, I felt drawn to spend the extra time with my church family. I remember clearly how they took me in. I remember their hugs and their tears. I remember going forward for special prayer. I remember the sacrifice of a church member, who, just before I left for the airport, slipped a 50$ bill in my hand. And mostly I remember the promises of these dear people to pray for me and my family.

Then I had to board the plane, and with nothing else to occupy my mind, the memories began to flow. But somehow, I was now equipped to deal with them. Although I cried most of the way to Mississippi, the tears were healing. Oh, I was tempted to shed some of the angry, bitter kind as well, but every time the hurt would begin to set in, I could literally feel the hands of God's angels picking me up and carrying me through. I knew that I was riding on the prayers of my church family.

While in Mississippi I had the opportunity, with my older brother, to run the last 10 miles of daddy's run, the miles he had run the day before he died. When we finished, we were just 7 miles from the Mississippi/Alabama border. We knew daddy well enough to know he would never have wanted to finish his run mid-state, so we alternately ran his last 7 miles for him, bringing his run to an official close in Alabama. I ran a total of 14 miles that day, a feat never before or since accomplished. There's no way I could have done it alone, but every time I thought about how tired I was, I could again feel those prayers picking me up and pushing me along.

The next weeks and months were the roughest of my life. Daddy's death spearheaded a chain of events that involved a major move for my family, changes in my children's education plans, changes in responsibility. And when I stand back and look over it all, I realize that I not only came through those months unscathed, but even stronger than ever. There's only one way this could have happened: It was the prayers of my church family!

Friends, there is only one way to get through tough times like these: Prayer! If someone you know is ever in this kind of a situation, your prayers make far more of an impact than you can ever know, and if you are ever faced with the death of a "daddy" in your life, whenever you feel the grief begin to overcome you, open your heart to God! Remember, there is someone out there praying for you, and their prayers will carry you through!

I still get tears in my eyes whenever I remember that last bouquet of flowers, the last gift of a loving daddy. But thanks be to God, they aren't tears of grief or sadness. Far more than that! They are tears of joy and thankfulness! Joy, because I know my daddy will be waiting for me in Heaven; and thankfulness to God for carrying me through this hard time, for sending me people who held us up in prayer, and mostly, for putting a Daddy into my life!

In His love, Lyn Chaffart*

Remember this next time you or someone you know is grieving: Your prayers make more of a difference than you could possibly know!

The next two devotionals will also be looking at how we can help others deal with grief. Join us next week for Dealing with Grief, Part 10: An Encouraging Silence.

DEALING WITH GRIEF, Part 8

In Dealing with Grief Part 7, we learned that sometimes we have to stop focusing on "us" and "our" problems, and begin to focus on others. When we do so, our problems will begin to look so much less important! Today's devotional, brought to us by Sally I. Kennedy, though not specific to death, helps us to see grief from a slightly different perspective:

WHO FEELS THE PAIN?

"I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty." (2 Corinthians 6:18)

Last week held a big step for two people close to me. My daughter had said, "I don't know if I can let him go!" And on Tuesday, my three year old grandson went to school for the first time. It's hard to say who felt the pain of separation more; my daughter or her first-born.

It was déjà vu for me as I was transported back in time. Our oldest child began morning pre-school at the same age. I suspect the parent feels the pain more than the child. The youngster is on to new and exciting adventures, while the parent is left behind in his or her same routine.

Maybe it's always easier for the one who moves on than the one who is left. My friend Ed, a counselor, says you grieve when you lose a person, place, or thing. It could be just about anything in life, little or big.

I thought about who was it that felt the pain more when we became separated from God back in the Garden of Eden? And who grieved the most? My guess is that it was our Father, God. His pain was enough to implement His plan to bring us back into that close former relationship with him.

It did finally happen. As all things came together, in the fullness of God's time, Jesus became the bridge between us and our heavenly parent. Happy endings are always good, and there is none better than this one.

That is definitely good news.

Sally Kennedy*

Friends, when bad things happen, we need to remind ourselves that the ones who are left behind are the ones who grieve! God was the first to experience grief! He knows all about it!

The upcoming three devotionals will shift focus slightly, to how we can help others when they are dealing with grief. Join us next week for Dealing with Grief, Part 9: Dealing with the Death of a Daddy.

* Sally I. Kennedy is a songwriter, the creator of Poppy the Penguin preschool music videos, and the author of Irish Thursdays: More Little Parables, Words from the Heart, and 52 Little Parables from Ireland . She lives in south Florida, with her husband Ben. Please visit her website: http://www.sallyikennedy.com

DEALING WITH GRIEF, Part 7

In Dealing with Grief Part 6, we learned that one of the important secrets to dealing with whatever kind of grief you are going through is staying rooted and grounded in Jesus! Today's devotional, brought to us by Joe Mazzella, though not specific to death, tells us the attitude that we need to have when facing any kind of grief:

MAKING SENSE OF LIFE

"Does life ever make sense?" This was a question asked to me by a friend the other day. Like all of us this lady had seen a lot of suffering, a lot of injustice, and a lot of insanity in this world. She had seen parents having to bury their children, good people having to go through cancer, and hard working souls having to struggle to make ends meet. She had seen wars, famines, and natural disasters. She had seen cruel and selfish people prosper while others with more caring hearts dealt with loss and tragedy.

As she looked me in the eyes and asked me that question, I smiled back and said the first words that came from my heart: "only when you love." I think now that those words must have been sent to me by God, because the wisdom in them eased her mind and touched her heart. We talked peacefully a while longer and she thanked me before going on her way.

In truth, only love can make sense of this life. It is only when you love that you can grow better and more caring from the pains life brings you. It is only when you love that you can face injustice with a passion to make things better. It is only when you love that you can meet the insanity of the world with the sanity of your soul. Love helps you to see the precious value of every life no matter how limited or how brief. Love helps you to face a life threatening disease with a greater joy for living. Love helps you to see that true wealth comes from the soul and not the things you own. With love in your life you realize the senselessness of war and the pricelessness of peace. With love in your heart you see every famine and natural disaster as a call to help others even more. With love in your soul you feel God's love everywhere as well.

If you want to make sense of this life then just love. It won't stop the questions, but it will help you live the answers. It won't fully explain this life, but it will get you ready for the next.

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing ... And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." (1 Cor. 13: 1-4,13 NIV)

Joseph Mazzella*

It makes sense, doesn't it? Sometimes we have to stop focusing on "us" and "our" problems, and begin to focus on others. When we do so, we are really loving others the way God loves. And it's amazing how our problems begin to look so much less important when we do so!

Please join us next week for Dealing with Grief, Part 8: Who Feels the Pain?

* Joe Mazzella is a writer and mental Health worker who lives in the mountains of West Virginia with his 3 children, 6 dogs, and 4 cats. He appreciates hearing from his readers: joecool@wirefire.com

DEALING WITH GRIEF, Part 6

In Dealing with Grief Part 5, we learned that whatever the nature of the grief you are going through, when you trust God with your deepest worries, no matter what their source, you open the door to His comfort. You allow Him to carry you through! Today's devotional, brought to us by Sally Kennedy, is not specific to death, as the last few have been; but rather, it looks at trials in general, and how to withstand them:

LIGHTENING STRIKES

"Then he said to the man, 'Stretch out your hand.' So he stretched it out and it was completely restored, just as sound as the other." (Matthew 12:13)

It stood as tall and as straight as all the other trees in the glen. Clearly visible right down the front of the trunk was a deep scar.

Lightning had struck the tree at some point. Slashed its exterior, gouging out a path. Now lightning is a killer. It didn't kill this tree, however. Nor did it cause it to catch fire and burn up.

No; this tree survived the strike. The wound sealed off, and the scar is the only evidence remaining that it suffered a near death experience.

Not only did it survive, it's doing great! It is healthy, and leafy. It stands tall and stately in the woods by the hiking trail for many to enjoy.

In our journeys, chances are we have, or will be, struck by "unfriendly fire". Debilitating diseases, personal and relationship crises.......many things can "hit" us in life.

If we hold on to the Rock, and we stay rooted and grounded in Christ, we can - and will - survive. We might be scarred. But that doesn't mean we aren't whole, healed, and happy again.

Lightning does strike.......and God does heal and restore.

That is good news.

Sally Kennedy*

And that's the secret to dealing with whatever kind of grief you are going through: You need to stay rooted and grounded in Jesus! Please join us next week for Dealing With Grief, Part 7: Making Sense of Life!



* Sally I. Kennedy is a songwriter, the creator of Poppy the Penguin preschool music videos, and the author of Irish Thursdays: More Little Parables, Words from the Heart, and 52 Little Parables from Ireland . She lives in south Florida, with her husband Ben. Please visit her website: http://www.sallyikennedy.com Email: sallyikennedy@bellsouth.net

DEALING WITH GRIEF, Part 5



In Dealing with Grief Part 4, we learned that when tragedy strikes, all you need is God! He's the only one who can get you through! These types of situations can drive us closer to Him, and when they do, our lives are blessed beyond compare. And sharing our pain with others is not only one way to help ease their pain, but it also helps to ease ours! Today's devotional will take us through the one of my own personal experience and how God helped me through …

Dealing with ... SUICIDE!

My younger brother and I were never very close as kids or as young adults. We had little in common, and he made fun of my faith in God. That all changed after my dad died. He began asking questions and one day he emailed wanting to know more about my God. His life changed 100% at this time, and though all of the experiences that would happen over the next few years are too many to tell, it wasn't long before his unwavering faith began to teach me a lesson or two.

But then it all began to change. He began experiencing personal problems, and though he initially stood strong, his faith eventually began to waver. He started asking questions, the same sort of questions that we all ask in times of trouble: Why is God allowing this to happen to me? How could a loving God allow this to happen?

It wasn't long after this that he turned his back on God completely. Though my husband and I tried to reach out to him, he refused to speak to us, refused our emails, and refused our phone calls. We were completely out of touch with him for the next 18 months.

I remember driving down the road one day, crying out to God in prayer for my brother, when I was impressed to turn on the CD player. The song that filled the car was one about the cross of Jesus. It highlighted how even Jesus' closest friends didn't understand His death, and how lost they felt during the time Jesus was in the grave. But in the end, what a glorious outcome! Through this song, God spoke to me about my brother, assuring me that though I didn't understand what was going on, in the end, it would be beautiful.

I took great comfort in the words.

It wasn't long after that that I got the call from my sister-in-law. My brother had taken his life.

The next two days passed in a blur. There were plane tickets to buy, arrangements to be made, suitcases to pack, but through it all, there was no time to grieve, no time to think.

I was on the plane, flying to California with my mother and husband when it began to hit home that my brother had taken his life after turning his back on God. On the one hand, I had always believed that someone who takes his own life will not be in Heaven. Especially someone who had turned their back on God. But on the other hand, God is a God of love, and He doesn't want any of His children to be lost. God would have done everything in His power to bring my brother back to Him, and having been out of touch for 18 months, I knew nothing about the spiritual state of his heart. When my dad had passed away 5 years earlier, I had known that he would spend eternity with Jesus and had taken great comfort in this fact. But would my brother spend eternity with Jesus?

I took it to God in prayer: "Lord, is my brother in Heaven?"

But there was no answer forthcoming, and the question haunted me for the next two days. I couldn't sleep, I had no appetite, and all I could think about was my brother's final destination.

When God did finally give me the answer, it was not at all what I had expected …

I was sitting in a fast food restaurant in Southern California, waiting for my husband to arrive with the food that I had no appetite to eat. I again began to pray, pleading with God: "Please, just give me some assurance that my brother is in Heaven!"

God sometimes speaks in mysterious, covert ways, but not that day. That day He spoke loud and clear, so clear that I had to look around to see if anyone else had heard His voice: "That, My child, is NOT your business to know!"

"What?" Cried out my thoughts. "Of course it's my business to know!"

"No," was the clear response. "It doesn't change anything about your relationship with Me. I want you to trust Me enough to not need to know!"

"I …" But I couldn't continue because I understood loud and clear: God wanted me to quit carrying this burden. He wanted me to give it to Him! And as soon as the realization washed over me, I knew He was right! "Okay," I whispered. "I release my brother's location for eternity into Your hands!"

Immediately a wave of comfort washed over me, filling every crevice, cleansing me all the way through to my innermost thoughts and feelings.

And that comfort from God has remained with me ever since.

But the story doesn't end here. About three years later, as I was driving late at night to pick up my son from youth, my mind began to review the events that had happened around the time of my brother's death, and I remembered the song God had used to comfort me. Just then, that same came on the radio. And then God spoke to me through this song. He reminded me of how He had assured me three years earlier that I wouldn't understand what was going on, but in the end, the outcome would be beautiful. "Does this mean …?" I whispered. Then a sense of peace like I have never known washed over me, and I knew beyond a doubt: My brother was … with Jesus!

Friends, suicide is an extreme kind of death to have to deal with. But remember: Whatever the nature of the grief you are going through, when you trust God with your deepest worries, no matter what their source, you open the door to His comfort. You allow Him to carry you through!

In His love,

Lyn Chaffart*

Friends, please remember: whatever the nature of the grief you are going through, you can trust God with your deepest worries, no matter what their source. And when you do, you open the door to His comfort. Please join us next Saturday, for Dealing with Grief, Part 6: Lightening Strikes.

DEALING WITH GRIEF, Part 4


In Dealing with Grief Part 3, we learned that though we may feel totally alone when we go through our grief, but we are never really alone. God is always there with us, carrying us through. All we need to do is rely on Him. Today's devotional will take us through the personal experience of Sarah Berthelson and how she and her family dealt with the loss of their son:

GRIEF - OH WHAT PAIN!

"Fear thou not for I am with thee; be not dismayed for I am thy God; I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea; I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness." Isaiah 41:10

To all that have lost a loved one, you know what grief is. The rest of you may not know the depths of this pain but there will come a day that you will be required to go through this also. Only through my faith in the Lord Jesus Christ did I get through a day. The first thing I did when my eyes opened each morning was think of my three sons, desiring to pray for them as I had done every day of their life. All of a sudden there was that realization that one was gone. I would cry and even call out loud to God, "Ky where are you? Why did you do this?" The heartache and pain in the pit in my stomach were almost unbearable. When I would go out in public, I would see someone that looked like him and I would want to go running to him. I could hear his voice. I could hear his car drive up. I could hear the front door open and know he was walking up the stairs. Oh my precious son, how I hurt!

Shay was living in Orlando, Fl. And Chad and his family were living in Pensacola, Fl. Chad, Brenda, their two month old little boy and Shay stayed with us two weeks following the funeral. When they returned to their homes, their planes left Memphis 5 minutes apart. I had held together pretty well so they wouldn't see me cry but when they turned to go to the plane, I thought I would die. George and I held on to each other as we walked, crying to the car.

Just to have something else to think about, George wanted to stop at a bearing shop to get some bearings for our nephew Phillip's go-cart. As he went in, I looked up to the most beautiful, clear, blue sky I had ever seen. With a stomach-wrenching cry, I said, "God if my baby is in the arms of Jesus, show me a bird". I saw this flicker way up in the sky and I thought it was an airplane. To my total amazement, here comes a bird, straight at my window and as I gazed at that bird, there came one from the left and one from the right and then all three birds flew up into the beautiful sky. I know this is hard for some of you to believe but it happened and it gave me a tremendous peace. When George came out of the shop, I shared what had happened. He did not doubt it for one minute. As I have shared this with friends it always brings tears. When I begin to doubt where my child is, I remember that moment when God sent the three birds to comfort this mother.

Shay moved home soon after Ky's death. It was such a blessing to have him with me but now I could see the grief in his eyes and as well as those of his father. We were hurting! It would not go away for any of us. It was there and it was real. I wanted to comfort my boys and my husband and I didn't know how.

I realized one day how I was pushing my loved ones away. I didn't understand myself. Then Shay said to me, "Mom I know what you are doing, if you push us away then if something happens to one of us, it won't hurt so badly." Oh no, I didn't want that. I didn't want to hurt my family. They were hurting just like me over our loss. Finally we came to a point that we could talk about Ky. We could talk about our feelings. My sons and husband realized we needed to talk to each other and share what we were feeling.

I remember the night that I realized my husband and I were just sitting and staring out in space or at the television, not saying a word to each other. I realized that this terrible hurt was tearing us apart as a couple. I knew I could not bear to lose my husband. I said, "honey you have to talk to me". He began to share his feelings with me; he had not been doing so because he did not want me to hurt more. He was a runner and he told me that as he ran by the spot where Ky died, he talked to him. He knew Ky would not be talking back to him but he felt better by expressing his feelings in this way. Then I knew that my husband was as torn to pieces as I was. I knew I must reach out to him and to love him through his pain. I wasn't the only one hurting

Knowing I did not want to push anyone of my loved ones out of my life, I began to share my hurts with them and they did with me. I cannot say if this helped the pain or not but it kept us close as a family. It took more than a year for us to be able to say, "I remember being here with Ky". Everywhere we looked we could think of a time that he had been there with us. It is still very hard to get picture albums out of the closet and go through the pictures of vacations and special occasions that we shared as a family.

Through this tragedy, I turned to God like never before. It seemed that after the funeral, my friends did not know what to say to us. I felt so alone in my pain. Only a couple of friends even came to see us. The church family did not know what to do for us, so Ky was not mentioned nor was our grief. If I could say anything to church leadership it would be to have an ongoing support group ministry for the grieving. George and I needed help so we turned to a support group outside our church family. It was not Christ centered and the people there did not know what to say to us either. They had become friends over a period of meeting together for three years. They were at the point they could laugh and enjoy the meeting. They just rehashed the past three years every week. I left as empty as I was when I came.

I knew then that all I needed was God. I got into His word as soon as I ate my breakfast every day. Sometimes I would spend an entire day just reading the Bible and talking to Him. It got to the point that I could feel his presence like he was sitting in the room with me. I loved it! I felt comforted. My God was so real to me. I had often given my testimony at churches and I was asked to share my testimony at the Naval Air Station. I had spoken there before but this time I said no. Months later I was asked again and I felt the Lord was telling me to share about Ky. I did! Because I shared my pain, I had many people come to me and share their grief. God has used my testimony in ways that I never thought possible. If you are grieving today, don't worry about people meeting the emptiness that you feel, turn to our Lord Jesus for the only real comfort available. He will never leave you nor forsake you. I know that he counted every tear that I shed and will continue to shed. May God bless you, as He has my precious family and me, as you go through this day, regardless of how you are hurting.

"I will praise Thee, O Lord, with my whole heart; I will tell all Thy marvelous works" (Psalms 9:1)

Sarah Berthelson*

Friends, please remember: When tragedy strikes, all you need is God! He's the only one who can get you through! These types of situations can drive us closer to Him, and when they do, our lives are blessed beyond compare. And sharing our pain with others is not only one way to help ease their pain, but it also helps to ease ours! Please join us next Saturday, for Dealing with Grief, Part 5: Dealing with Suicide

* Sarah Berthelson's Book "He Guides My Path", "Just Jesus" and "Only By His Grace"may be purchased at: Barnes And Noble.com, Target and Amazon.com This writing may be used in its entirety, with credits in tact, for non-profit ministering purposes

DEALING WITH GRIEF, Part 3



In Dealing with Grief Part 2, we learned how important it is to trust God in every stage of the grieving cycle. We need to seek His help to forgive, spend time with Him, bask in His glory, and we need to open our ears to His reassurance and to His comfort! In so doing, He will carry us through, and He will put together the broken pieces into something beautiful! Today's devotional will take us through some personal experiences of one of the Nugget Writers, Sally Kennedy:

IN THE VALLEY

"I will not leave you as orphans but will come to you....." (John 14:18)

Let's face it. There are times, when we walk through situations and seasons in our lives, when we are lonely. We even feel very much alone. No one is exempt. It's just part of life. In these past few weeks I have been walking through one of these valleys. At times, loneliness has quietly crept up and unexpectedly pounced on me. Sometimes seemingly from out of nowhere, sort of like being hit with a wave.

Even though I have felt lonely at other times, I haven't been in this valley before. Many, many relatives and friends, some I don't even know, have consoled, comforted, supported, and greatly loved me during this time. Countless kindnesses, prayers, and blessings. Yet some things we hold close, in our hearts, and they belong to no man except us.

I would rather be on a mountain top experience. I love those seasons. Yet I've learned most of life is lived somewhere in-between. And I've learned it's all good. And, it's all a gift.

All the years my dad lived alone, after mom died, I would often say to him, "I don't like you being alone on Sundays (or a holiday, or birthday)" and he would always say, "I'm not alone! Jesus is right here with me." He said it so often, that the reality of that finally began to sink in. In every way, Jesus was his companion, there at the house, right there with him.

As I've thought about this, the beautiful beloved 23rd Psalm came to mind, where David says, Even though I walk through the valley …….You are with me.

We all have been, or will be, in a valley season during our life journey. It is beautiful beyond belief, and peaceful beyond our finite mind's comprehension, to know and sense the truth of the words in the Bible that bring comfort and healing.

In the valley I may feel lonely, but am I alone? Not really; Jesus is with me. He's right here with me.

Sally I. Kennedy*

And what is the message that we need to carry with us when we are dealing with grief? Just this: We may feel totally alone when we go through our grief, but we are never really alone. God is always there with us, carrying us through. All we need to do is rely on Him. Please join us next Saturday, for Dealing with Grief, Part 4: GRIEF!

* Sally Kennedy is a songwriter, the creator of Poppy the Penguin preschool music videos, and the author of Irish Thursdays: More Little Parables, Words from the Heart, and 52 Little Parables from Ireland . She lives in south Florida, with her husband Ben. Please visit her website: http://www.sallyikennedy.com Email: sallyikennedy@bellsouth.net
Announcements:

DEALING WITH GRIEF will be appearing in the next 12 Saturday editions of the Nugget. Be sure to join us for important lessons on how to deal with grief! If you've missed any of the previous lessons, they are published online at www.scripturalnuggets.org/folder6/DEALING_WITH_GRIEF.htm . Or email me at submissions@scripturalnuggets.org

DEALING WITH GRIEF, Part 2:

The Grieving Cycle, Part B:

How to Keep From Getting Stuck



In The Grieving Cycle, Part a, we learned that grief is a process with many stages. These include shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, testing, and finally, acceptance. It is the natural chain of emotion that we all go through when dealing with grief. The only problems arise when we get stuck in one of these phases.

What can we do to keep ourselves from getting stuck? Let's take a look at each of the individual stages:

The Shock Stage: After receiving the call in the middle of the night that my dad had passed away, I was too much in shock to do anything. I began to cry out to God in prayer. It wasn't a fancy prayer. It consisted more of: "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!" But it wasn't long before the initial shock had passed enough for me to be able to think.

The Denial Stage: Once the shock had passed however, I began to beg God to bring dad back to life. I was in denial! But that all-important avenue of communication was open. God was able to help me understand that dad was really gone, but despite this, He would hold me together, He would help me through.

The Anger Stage: About 5 years later, when I received the phone call that my brother had died, I was at work. I had so many arrangements to make that there just wasn't time for prayer! I proceeded to become very angry at my brother. When I was given the opportunity at the funeral home to have time alone with him, I cried and I screamed. In the end however, I heard God's voice whispering to me: You need to forgive him! Only then did I realized that unforgiveness had caused me to get stuck in anger! But I couldn't forgive. It wasn't in me. So I asked God to help me forgive. He did! I was released from anger!

The Bargaining Stage: When told that I was going to lose the other Speech Pathologist on my team at work, I spent days pleading and reasoning with my manager. I was stuck in the bargaining stage. When I finally began to pray about it, I begged God to change the circumstances, even promising Him what I would do if He did. Instead of changing the circumstances, He gently began to reassure me that things would be okay, that He would give me the wisdom, time and strength to do what needed to be done on my own. Only then was I able to get out of the bargaining stage and begin to find viable solutions.

The Depression Stage: I became very depressed on the plane, while flying down to be with my mom after my dad's death. Fortunately for me, I was alone, and I began to pray. God began to help me see things differently. He began to show me that He would help bring me through, that somehow, it would all turn out to be something beautiful. I decided to put my trust in this promise, and the depression was lifted.

The Testing Stage: After my dad died we had to make some plans for caring for my mom. I remember a hundred different scenarios that my family put forward. Which one was the "right" one? Only God knew, and that's who we asked. And God clearly told us every detail of the new "picture". We followed His plan, and it led us to the final stage:

The Acceptance Stage. And praise be to God, by relying on Him, we can become firmly "stuck" in acceptance!

Do you notice the common thread, here, friends? It all leads back to taking it to God in prayer in every stage!

Remember, God understands grief better than any of us, because He's been there! He was forced to watch His beloved son hang from a cruel cross! His Spirit brooded around an empty throne for three days!

And God is there for us when we grieve. He guides us through our shock and denial. He helps us to forgive, to get through our anger. He comforts and reassures us in our depression. He provides us with wisdom, with solutions. He helps us through to acceptance.

Our job is to submit the loss, whatever it is, completely into His hands. Only when we have the faith to say, "Lord, I trust you with this, no matter what the outcome!"; only when we come to realize that God's love is in the middle of everything that happens and that somehow He will make something beautiful out of the pieces, can He move us through the cycle of grief. Only then can He set us free from whatever stage we've become stuck in.

Remember Jesus' words to His disciples when they were grieving? "Because I have said these things, you are filled with grief. But I tell you the truth: It is for your good that I am going away … You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy … Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy." (John 16:6-8, 20-22 NIV)

Are you in the middle of grieving, friends? Are you perhaps "stuck" in one of the stages? Take it to the Lord! Put the problems 100% in His hands! Trust Him in every stage! Seek His help to forgive! Spend time with Him, basking in His glory! Open your ears to His reassurance, to His comfort! Trust Him in every stage to get you through! And in so doing, He will carry you through, and He will put together the broken pieces into something beautiful! But only when we give it to Him!

But it all seems much simpler on paper than in real life, doesn't it? The upcoming devotionals in this series will provide you with examples of how God has carried His children through the grieving cycle. Our prayer is that through the personal, specific experiences of Nugget writers, you, too, will be able to come through the grief of your loss. Join us for Dealing with Grief, Part 3: In The Valley

In His love,

Lyn

DEALING WITH GRIEF, Part 1:

The Grieving Cycle, Part a:

Definitions and Dangers

Grief.

It's an age-old emotion, one that was even outlined in the Bible:

"When they came together in Galilee, he said to them, 'The Son of Man is going to be betrayed into the hands of men. They will kill him, and on the third day he will be raised to life.' And the disciples were filled with grief." (Matt 17:22-23 NIV)

There is a process that we all go through when something bad happens. It's called the grieving cycle. You've all heard of it, it's the natural chain of emotion that we experience when dealing with grief. It has been described in the following way:

Shock stage: Initial paralysis at hearing the bad news. Denial stage: Trying to avoid the inevitable. Anger stage: Frustrated outpouring of bottled-up emotion. Bargaining stage: Seeking a way out. Depression stage: Final realization of the inevitable. Testing stage: Seeking realistic solutions. Acceptance stage: Finally finding the way forward.

Although this has been described as a cycle, experts now tell us that it is more of a process. It is natural, it is normal, it is healing. The only problems arise when we get stuck in one of these phases.

In Dealing with Grief, Part 1, we will be looking at defining the different stages of the grieving cycle, and discussing possible outcomes of getting stuck in any one of these stages, and in Dealing with Grief, Part 2, we will be looking at how to safeguard ourselves from getting stuck in these stages!

Let's take a look at each stage individually:

The Shock stage: It is a normal thing. You hear bad news, and you are in shock. When I received the call that my brother had committed suicide, I couldn't even respond. I just sat there in my office, my cell phone to my ear, with my mouth hanging open sputtering about how I didn't have a good connection. Perfectly normal. But what if I had stayed in this stage? You hear stories of people who have heart attacks and die over the shock of bad news. Others become mute, unresponsive. Why? Because their minds cannot deal with what they have heard.

The Denial Stage: Human nature dictates that we try to avoid the inevitable. When I received news that my dad had passed away, my first response was this: "No, they must have gotten it wrong! It couldn't have been my DAD you were talking about who had a heart attack! He was a picture of health!" Again, very normal. But what if I had never gotten beyond this stage? I would have never gone to the funeral. I wouldn't have been there for my mom and my husband. I would have just continued my life in status quo, though somewhere along the line, I might have begun to get angry at my dad for not contacting me!

The Anger Stage: It is perfectly human for us to become angry at the one(s) who have hurt us. And not only is it perfectly natural, it is also necessary! We cannot keep those pent-up emotions inside! We have to let them out! Before my brother's funeral, I had the opportunity to have a private visitation. Up until this point, I had been pretty strong, and it wasn't until that moment that I realized how angry I was. And I laid all of my frustrated anger out in that private room, where no one could hear me, and I left feeling refreshed. What would have happened had I not done so? Unforgiveness would have moved in and I would have become bitter and angry. We've all met angry people, people who have been hurt by someone or something and who never get over it. Either they have no avenue for release, or they do not employ it and they never forgive.

Bargaining Stage: When faced with bad things, it's natural for us to seek a way out. When told that I was going to lose the other Speech Pathologist on my team at work, I went out and bargained. I begged, I pleaded, I reasoned, I did everything in my power to help my manager and those above her to realize how this was a very bad idea. Why? Because I felt helpless. It gave me something to do. If I had become stuck in this stage however, I would have never been able to come up with reasonable alternatives!

Depression Stage: Okay, so we have been in shock, we have been in denial, we've been angry, we've even tried bargaining, but nothing is helping. What now? This is where the brain shuts down and quits trying. This is the depression stage. Again, very, very natural. Not so long ago, I became overwhelmed with new referrals at work. I couldn't keep up! Since I have a strong work ethic, it wasn't long before all of my thoughts were consumed with the fact that the work was piling up and my patients weren't getting the care they needed. It came to the point that I could no longer find joy in anything around me. We've all experienced what it's like to get stuck in the depression stage! What sad lives we live until we break out!

Testing Stage: This is the stage where healing begins to happen. After my dad died, I spent a bit of time in this stage, planning different scenarios for my mom, for my family, trying to figure out what would be the best way to go on without him. This is an important stage, but it is also important to eventually stop planning and move ahead. Otherwise, the problem never gets resolved. I did finally find a scenario that worked, and when we moved ahead to pursue it, it led to:

Acceptance Stage: We were able, as a family, to move forward. This is the one stage, friends, that it's okay to get stuck in!

But how can we avoid getting stuck in one of these stages? Join us next week, for The Grieving Cycle, Part b: How to Keep From Getting Stuck!

In His love, Lyn

Welcome to the Nugget

Dealing with grief is perhaps one of the hardest things that we, as humans, must do.
Grief may be rooted in a death or illness, or it may be rooted in a loss, such as the loss of support, the loss of a spouse through divorce, the loss of a job, or even the feelings of abandonment that parents often go through as they realize they must allow their children to grow up. The focus of the upcoming 12 devotionals, that will be appearing in the next 12 Saturday editions of The Nugget, will be on how to deal with the grief.
The first two devotionals will focus on the grieving cycle, and the last eight will teach us important lessons about grief from specific and personal experiences of Nugget Writers. Our prayer is that you will be blessed by this series, and that somehow, whatever it is you are grieving, the lessons presented here will help you to get through.
In His love, Lyn

Lyn Chaffart, Mother of two teens, Author and Moderator for The Nugget, a tri-weekly internet newsletter, and Scriptural Nuggets, a website devoted to Christian devotionals and inspirational poems, www.scripturalnuggets.org , with Answers2Prayer Ministries, www.Answers2Prayer.org .

Provided by Answers2Prayer
http://www.answers2prayer.org