Zerich's Testimony

Before you read all this, if you get all the way through it, I would like you to know that I accepted the Lord into my life in 1960. I was still in high school at that time, never been married, but lived my life as if I had never even heard of our Lord and Savior. Just because one is a Christian, does not mean that one LIVES like a Christian should. Guess all this is confession time.All my life has been lived For Jesus Christ today,,,,,,,,,, Drifting away into living my life NOT in HIS word, NOT in prayer, and Not as I should. You call that a fence setter. A Luke warm Christian. The kind that God spews out of His mouth.
But you know what I believe, according to what the bible tells me. God Loves me anyway. God NEVER stopped loving me. Honestly, I never stopped loving God either. I just Lived in the flesh half the time. No excuses. Sin is still sin. But God never changes. He loved me enough to die on that cross for me, and shed His Blood for me so that I could live forever in the presence of God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit.I think GOD that I am saved and can say I am His Child. It matters not what others think about me, and thinking about all this always brings that heart squeezing, and the flowing tears. Everyday is a blessing God gives us.We should live everyday in thankfulness and worship.
Well enough rambling now and on with the story.

15.1

I have wrestled with this a while now.Starting in about 1995,I began to be very dishearted with my life and looked back with nothing but regrets. It seemed like I was nothing but a failure, mainly with never finishing anything I started. Probably the key thing on my mind was not completing an education by getting that perverbial degree from college. During the same time, I was having marriage problems, dealing with a wife that was impossible to please.We were married for 29 years.I hated my job, my past life, my present life, and was fearful of the future.I got a divorce, gave my ex our home, along with 2 acres of land, and no bills. She took over as manager of the place we both worked, making 50 thousand dollars a year. This was my 3rd divorce, which also didn't help the self esteem any. Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face, there is a good example. Every solid thing I was so depressed about was things I brought on myself. On top of all this, I was the music director of my church so because of the divorce, I also felt that I had let God down as well. My pity me's were eating me alive, and I saw no end.
I rented a U-Haul trailer, and headed for Bemidji, Minnesota. Didn't know a soul there, put everything in storage, rented a motel room on Lake Bemidji, and bawled for 2 solid weeks.I felt that noone cared if I lived or died. Felt like a total loser.I wasn't a drinker thank goodness or I REALLY would have been a mess. Drinking will pull you even further down, if you are depressed anyway.
Well, I ended up managing the housewears department at a farm and ranch supply. Met my present wife there in Bemidji. Met her on line of all places, in a chat room. She lived there in Bemidji. She had a son living in Houston, My dad lived in East Texas, and was ill,& My sister lived here in San Angelo ,Texas. SO,,, Here we are.
I ended up working at San Angelo State School, which is really like a hospital for those with schizophrenia. Bi-polar, Dementia ,and other mental illinesses. Working here, you get cussed out,spiton, or hit, nearly every day. You will definately stop being so sensitive to what others say and do.My wife went to work at the same place. We worked here together for 5 years. My wife ended up with Fibromyalgia, and had to quit work. I am still here.
Right after she had to stop working, I had a BIG car wreck coming from work one night, and totaled my car. Off I went, right back into fear I was going to go broke, and looking back at all the past mess.Depression was again my best buddy. All the world was again made up of jerks. I was again worthless. All the depression was again created in my own mind.
Through all this, I learned that most things we get all down about is because of how we view our past, and the present circumstances of our lives........ It is life........ God isn't mad at you..............You are not being punished.
Today, I am no longer depressed. The way I got out of it is realizing that noone owed me happiness. I was a victim within myself.Just because I desire something does not mean that I am supposed to get it. Just because I WANT someone to agree with me, or like me, or do what I want them to,does not necessarily mean that is the right way.

I prayed. I prayed every day for a half hour, on the way to work, and a half hour going back home. Lots of times I felt that the prayers just hit the roof of the car, but I STILL did it. Eventually the things I was so stressed over began to deminish.When I started feeling unhappy, I ACTED like I WAS happy. When I caught myself fussing about my work conditions with coworkers, I just stopped.
I must have said the Serenity prayer a thousand times. I stopped thinking about myself, and started listening to others.I started thinking more positive about what I had NOW. Who I WAS. Not Who I could have been IF.
You are here for a purpose. There is not a duplicate of you in the whole wide world; there never has been, there never will be. You were brought here now to fill a certain need. Take time to think that over.
--Lou Austin

No other person is exactly like you or me. No one can do exactly what we can, or touch another person in exactly the way we can. Out of all the people who could have been created, we were chosen to be a part of this time and place.

We are needed to fulfill a plan, in our families as well as in our relationships. Knowing we have unique abilities, we will spend less time feeling jealous of what others can do.

Through our dreams and yearnings, God shows us who we can be. It is up to us to have the courage to follow that dream with action.

What unique gift can I offer the world today?

I have reached the point that I feel I have screwed away many things I could have accomplished, and now, at this age, chances are much slimmer that they ever will be,but that is all right. I was a party boy so to speak and wasted many years.However , I realize that it is foolishness to play back the shoulda's, and coulda's in your mind. I avoid living this way, and think what can I do today.Tomorrow I don't want to look back at today, and have the same regrets. That is one reason I enjoy the group. Here is a chance where I can fulfill my dream of perhaps helping someone else. Thank you for reading all this.

ZERICH

God bless you Zerich thank you for sharing your testimony with us.
From my experience I don't think I have come across anyone
who had reached a certain age, can say they have no regrets in their life, which include myself.
As you have said, what is needful is not to dwell on the past failings.
Man is created that the inner throne of life may not be occupied by himself, because it was made for God's occupancy,as it is written in
Romans 12:2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. We are to set our minds on things above (Col 3:2) We have been redeemed, hallelujah.
I think of Paul the apostle, he didn't beat himself up over what he had done in the past, but spent his life encouraging others and us with his wonderful exhortations in the epistles.
What is so wonderful about your testimony is that you did not remain in the luke warm state you mentioned but have come through and shine for Jesus, your a blessing in my life and an encouragement and help to others. I am so glad you are my brother.
God bless you
Elaine.