Sir Winston Churchill's Witty Sayings

On the Lighter Side--Winston Churchill's Witty
Sayings
Churchill loved paraprosdokians, figures of speech in
which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is ...
surprising or unexpected.

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's 
still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people 
appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. War does not determine who is right--only who 
is left.

6. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom 
is not putting it in a fruit salad.

7. They begin the evening news with "Good Evening," 
then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. 
To steal from many is research.

9. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out, I just
wanted pay checks.

10. In filling out an application, where it says, "In 
case of emergency, notify:" I put 'DOCTOR.'

11. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was 
blaming you.

12. Women will never be equal to men until they can 
walk down the street ... with a bald head and a 
beer gut, and still think they are [attractive].

13. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind 
the fall of a successful man is usually another
woman.

14. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

15. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only 
need a parachute to skydive twice.

16. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery

easier to live with.

17. There's a fine line between cuddling and ... 
holding someone down so they can't get away.

18. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

19. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

20. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and 
claim that wherever you hit was the target.

21. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

22. Change is inevitable, except from a vending 
machine.

23. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any 
more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

24. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but now it's 
getting harder and harder for me to find one.